I dont know if many of you know who I am, but frankly, I am a big deal. When I say big deal, I mean a BIG DEAL. Like 6'2'' and 300 pounds of pure muscle type of big deal. I spent a little time over in the NBA forums earlier this year, but was forced to leave as the side effects from my genetic cloning process were starting to take a tole on my capping abilities.
Well, the government testing is completed and they have been able to track all the tests that they need in hopes of making me the first ever cloned human. The process was very tough for me to get through. Not only did the government force me to do physical tests that would give most amateurs nightmares thinking about, but it also took a major tole on my personal life. When you are confined to a secret government location, they force you to wear some pretty standard issue clothes. They also force you to shave your head so that they can get the best reading on what exactly is going on in my monstrous brain. So, goodbye to the lovely locks of free flowing blonde beauty that were only rivaled by the rapids cascading through the Grand Canyon, and hello to a perfectly round cue-ball ready to sink itself into the finest of holes. No longer was I able to sparkle in bars like the brightest stars in a midnight sky in my Ed Hardy smediums, and now I was forced to wear plain clothes that only make me 500 times more amazing than most of you.
The good thing? I was given 2.5 million dollars for my time. The governement brought in specialists from all over the world to marvel at what soon became "MeestirPuurrfect" (I got this from the Chinese specialist sent in to study how my bone density was similar to an elephant to help hold my massive muscles on my legs). His name was Xi, and we became close friends when he realized that the muscles on the outside of my body were nothing compared to those on the inside. Over countless hours of hot tea and conversation of Mao, he let me know that I could truley become "one in a billion" and I should take myself over to China. I chose not to. There is simply too much unfinished business here in America.
So while my return my not be on the same level of the Second Coming, it is very close. I would like to compare my return to something very similar to Elvis. Except for the fact that my singing is only good enough to crack iTune top 50, I am not a fat-slob, and I dont like wearing fruity colored clothes. I wear gangsta-gear, you dig me? I can snap off three rhinestones from my jeans and toss them across a 50 foot room with only 3 inches of error space upon my final target.
Anyways, back to why my return means so much. Like Elvis, I am not just a star, I am an icon. My abilitiy to help you become a better person is simply infectious. Just being in my thread right now has help you gain 4 inches on your biceps. When I step into a room, the whole room stops. It is just how things go. So, you are welcome that I have returned. With a fat stack in my bankroll, and more beautiful babies on my arm than you can count, MrUniverse is back!
Well, the government testing is completed and they have been able to track all the tests that they need in hopes of making me the first ever cloned human. The process was very tough for me to get through. Not only did the government force me to do physical tests that would give most amateurs nightmares thinking about, but it also took a major tole on my personal life. When you are confined to a secret government location, they force you to wear some pretty standard issue clothes. They also force you to shave your head so that they can get the best reading on what exactly is going on in my monstrous brain. So, goodbye to the lovely locks of free flowing blonde beauty that were only rivaled by the rapids cascading through the Grand Canyon, and hello to a perfectly round cue-ball ready to sink itself into the finest of holes. No longer was I able to sparkle in bars like the brightest stars in a midnight sky in my Ed Hardy smediums, and now I was forced to wear plain clothes that only make me 500 times more amazing than most of you.
The good thing? I was given 2.5 million dollars for my time. The governement brought in specialists from all over the world to marvel at what soon became "MeestirPuurrfect" (I got this from the Chinese specialist sent in to study how my bone density was similar to an elephant to help hold my massive muscles on my legs). His name was Xi, and we became close friends when he realized that the muscles on the outside of my body were nothing compared to those on the inside. Over countless hours of hot tea and conversation of Mao, he let me know that I could truley become "one in a billion" and I should take myself over to China. I chose not to. There is simply too much unfinished business here in America.
So while my return my not be on the same level of the Second Coming, it is very close. I would like to compare my return to something very similar to Elvis. Except for the fact that my singing is only good enough to crack iTune top 50, I am not a fat-slob, and I dont like wearing fruity colored clothes. I wear gangsta-gear, you dig me? I can snap off three rhinestones from my jeans and toss them across a 50 foot room with only 3 inches of error space upon my final target.
Anyways, back to why my return means so much. Like Elvis, I am not just a star, I am an icon. My abilitiy to help you become a better person is simply infectious. Just being in my thread right now has help you gain 4 inches on your biceps. When I step into a room, the whole room stops. It is just how things go. So, you are welcome that I have returned. With a fat stack in my bankroll, and more beautiful babies on my arm than you can count, MrUniverse is back!
