Best Super Bowl Matchup With Fictional Football Teams: Could Bobby Boucher Chase Down Willie Beamen?

The buildup to any Super Bowl is a fine time to let your football imagination wander, which led us to ponder the best fictional football teams Super Bowl matchup.

There's a wide range of success and utter failure spanning the top fake football teams seen in your favorite movies and TV shows. Sadly, one of the potentially most talented squads fell into a deep, dark pit underneath Acrisure Stadium.

In the end, a rising mobile quarterback meets his match against a mad scientist linebacker.

🏈 Best fictional football teams

It's difficult to have any super serious criteria to determine who belongs in the final showdown here. There's a vast difference in the level of play, ranging from high school to professional. So let's keep it simple: We want the best one-on-one matchup that could ever exist on a fake football field.

Before determining what that would be for the Super Bowl, let's first rank the top 10 fictional football teams.

Top 10 fictional football teams

1. Miami Sharks (Any Given Sunday)
2. South Central Louisiana State University Mud Dogs (The Waterboy)
3. Little Giants (Little Giants)
4. West Canaan High School Coyotes (Varsity Blues)
5. Washington Sentinels (The Replacements)
6. Blue Mountain State Goats (Blue Mountain State)
7. Dillon Panthers (Friday Night Lights)
8. Springfield Atoms (The Simpsons)
9. Arlen High School Longhorns (King of the Hill)
10. Gotham Rogues (The Dark Knight Rises)

Sadly, none of these teams involve Gus, the field-goal kicking mule. I'm sure he's open to moving elsewhere in free agency.

The love for high school and college football, and the culture tied to the sport at that level, has produced heaps of fictional teams over the years, more so than among the professional ranks. The Miami Sharks of Any Given Sunday fame are the most notable exception, featuring Willie Beamen as the flashiest third-string quarterback in every way imaginable.

The Gotham Rogues are essentially the 2011 Pittsburgh Steelers, with Bill Cowher dialing back the clock a few years further. The problem with moving them higher up the list and/or including the Rogues in the best matchup is that, well, let's just say we don't have an injury designation to properly describe what happened to them.

Meanwhile, the Little Giants eventually became one of the most cohesive units on this list. Despite the clear age and size gap, it would be fascinating to see if Sharks head coach Tony D'Amato could handle the Annexation of Puerto Rico.

Elsewhere in Ben Johnson trick-play imitations, the West Canaan High School Coyotes and their spin on the hook-and-ladder desperation call might also make D'Amato reach an even higher level of sideline lunacy. However, with all the modern ways to steal signs (legally!), I have to think the opposition would be able to pick up on this call from makeshift head coach Lance Harbor.

Which brings us to the greatest matchup of titans: Bobby Boucher vs. Willie Beamen.

🏆 Best Super Bowl matchup: Miami Sharks vs. Mud Dogs

Beamen was shaky at first when the already struggling Sharks were down to their third-string quarterback. He had trouble managing both the opposing pass rush and keeping his food inside his digestive system.

But he eventually became the future, despite his off-script ways often rankling D'Amato.

Actor Jamie Foxx was running a 4.7-second 40-yard dash in pads for the role, according to The Washington Post. We of course have no reason to doubt he's faster than Josh Allen's time at the scouting combine (4.75 seconds) and Dak Prescott (4.79).

So in Beamen we have the ultimate blend of speed and agility among fictional quarterbacks. Then opposite him is the prime embodiment of brute force, peak football instincts, and supreme quick-twitch reaction, all while being completely unhinged.

We don't have an official record of Boucher's 40-yard dash time. But if you insult pretty much anything he holds dear (most significantly, the best water you've ever tasted), he'll chase down anyone.

This is two heavyweights clashing at the height of their powers. Boucher can be everywhere at all times, as long as Coach Klein keeps supplying him with enough verbal ammunition.

Beamen is slippery, with his accuracy and instincts improving as the passer's debut season rolls along, and ditto for the signal-caller's ability to work well with others. Even Lawrence Taylor, who's very good with a saw.

In the end though, Boucher is the greatest fictional football neutralizer we may ever see. And despite his development and athleticism, Beamen has shown a tendency to crumble under the brightest lights.

Super Bowl matchup final score prediction: Mud Dogs 24, Sharks 21