This month I have been sleeping on average 2 1/2 hours a day. I don't know if that's technically insomnia, but I know it can't be healthy. The upside to lack of sleep is my mind comes up with even more warped things than usual. Here are just a few thoughts I have had the last 30 days.
Why can't they put a "sarcastic" button on all cell phones? My texts to people constantly are taken seriously. I think I may never text again.
Why is it when you google the word "wife" nothing but porn pops up, but when you google" husband", stories of domestic abuse do?
How is it that Americans have 400 different types of body wash, but our brothers from the North, the Canadians, are the clean ones. Hell, they even have French people there!!!
When we ask someone to be honest, and they are, we get angry when we get the truth. Maybe knowing less is the key to happiness.
Where did the term "look on the bright side" originate? You ever look at the bright side of something? It burns your eyes, and most times, it is impossible to see. I like to look at the shady side of things.
Moving furniture is not fun, we can all agree. Moving someone elses furniture, and seeing how they have accumulated all this great stuff while you still sleep on a mattress and use Raman Cup O Noodles emptys as glassware just makes you suicidal.
Weezer's "Pinkerton" is the best album of our generation concerning unrequited love with every race, creed, sexual preference, and weight. After a night of binge drinking cough syrup, this album becomes my lullaby.
What is an "old fashioned" girl nowadays? I mean at 35, is old fashioned a girl that rocks leg warmers when she works out and thinks Pat Benetar is the feminist equivalent of Zena Warrior Princess?
When I see a white van driving down the street, why do I always assume "terrorist"?
Having breakfast with someone that pulls out a crossword puzzle, and begins to do it is about as bad as putting on headphones and listening to your Ipod during intercourse. Trust me, I know.
When making sock puppets, make sure to wash the sock beforehand. that is unless you want your puppet to look like a vagabond or construction worker.
How many more flavors of Fanta can they make? Yesterday I found Fanta Bacon Flavor on the shelf.
As you get older, underwear becomes harder to buy. As a teenager, you can rock boxers, as a 20 something, you can rock the model underwear from Calvin Klein. At 35, all I can do is wear Fruit Of The Loom or go commando.
Why is drinking a 40 oz of beer considered ghetto, but shopping at Costco and buying mayonaise in cases is considered frugal and smart?
I told a girl yesterday " I give the joy of rediscovering you". She told me that until I get my head out of my ass the only thing I would be discovering is what I ate last night.
Everyone should rent "The Station Agent". Best movie with a NJ guy, a midget, and a screenplay suited for adults.
Everyone have a great day!!
Why can't they put a "sarcastic" button on all cell phones? My texts to people constantly are taken seriously. I think I may never text again.
Why is it when you google the word "wife" nothing but porn pops up, but when you google" husband", stories of domestic abuse do?
How is it that Americans have 400 different types of body wash, but our brothers from the North, the Canadians, are the clean ones. Hell, they even have French people there!!!
When we ask someone to be honest, and they are, we get angry when we get the truth. Maybe knowing less is the key to happiness.
Where did the term "look on the bright side" originate? You ever look at the bright side of something? It burns your eyes, and most times, it is impossible to see. I like to look at the shady side of things.
Moving furniture is not fun, we can all agree. Moving someone elses furniture, and seeing how they have accumulated all this great stuff while you still sleep on a mattress and use Raman Cup O Noodles emptys as glassware just makes you suicidal.
Weezer's "Pinkerton" is the best album of our generation concerning unrequited love with every race, creed, sexual preference, and weight. After a night of binge drinking cough syrup, this album becomes my lullaby.
What is an "old fashioned" girl nowadays? I mean at 35, is old fashioned a girl that rocks leg warmers when she works out and thinks Pat Benetar is the feminist equivalent of Zena Warrior Princess?
When I see a white van driving down the street, why do I always assume "terrorist"?
Having breakfast with someone that pulls out a crossword puzzle, and begins to do it is about as bad as putting on headphones and listening to your Ipod during intercourse. Trust me, I know.
When making sock puppets, make sure to wash the sock beforehand. that is unless you want your puppet to look like a vagabond or construction worker.
How many more flavors of Fanta can they make? Yesterday I found Fanta Bacon Flavor on the shelf.
As you get older, underwear becomes harder to buy. As a teenager, you can rock boxers, as a 20 something, you can rock the model underwear from Calvin Klein. At 35, all I can do is wear Fruit Of The Loom or go commando.
Why is drinking a 40 oz of beer considered ghetto, but shopping at Costco and buying mayonaise in cases is considered frugal and smart?
I told a girl yesterday " I give the joy of rediscovering you". She told me that until I get my head out of my ass the only thing I would be discovering is what I ate last night.
Everyone should rent "The Station Agent". Best movie with a NJ guy, a midget, and a screenplay suited for adults.
Everyone have a great day!!
