Couple of my favorite lawyer 1 liners. Add yours

[Inkwell77]

I forgot this one:

"PickWinnerAllDay is going to be a lawyer!!"



Just kidding man, although some of the things you write are pretty funny considering you are going to be a lawyer!!

[EmpireMaker]

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule.

"Alright," the lawyer says looking through his papers. "You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.

"What! That sounds like a car payment schedule," retorted the client.

"Your right. It's mine."


Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.

She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.

On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

[hawley]

Denny Crane

[bettilimbroke999]

Lawyers make their living by helping criminals get away with crimes (performing the same job as a getaway driver) and robbing the innocent who either pay their insane fees or go to prison, they are no better than criminals themselves. If you dont feel like paying their outrageous fees then you become case # 5330 of the week for some alcoholic public defender who is batting a 1.000 at getting his clients the max...helluva "profession".

The rich whites can afford to payoff the decent lawyers who are good at helping them get away with murder or prove their innocence while the poor get the PD who FedExs their ass straight to prison...lawyers are the scum of the earth

[TheCentaur]

Upon seeing an elderly lady for the drafting of her will, the attorney charged her $100.

She gave him a $100 bill, not noticing that it was stuck to another $100 bill.

On seeing the two bills stuck together, the ethical question came to the attorney's mind: "Do I tell my partner?"

Brilliant!

[TheCentaur]

Q: Hi Dad. Will you teach me strong values and the belief that people are inherently good, drive a taxi in law school to save cash for me to go to great schools, show me it's possible to be hopelessly in love with the same person after decades and constantly remind me that I was born where and how I was as a matter of luck and not because I deserved to be?

A. Sure. But I'll always be the asshole lawyer. The same guy that people think they know better than but then come running to when they're in the weeds to come bail them out. If I charge you a fortune you think I'm robbing you. If I do pro bono you think I must suck because I'm working for free. But yeah shari91, do whatever it is you want to in life but don't follow my footsteps. People only love you when they need you but then hate you after.

Shari you think lawyers do pro bono work out of the goodness of their heart?
It's expected of them and builds a reputation in their field with colleagues and more importantly, judges. Far from altruistic.

These hypocritical people who hate them but then run to them when needed are either scum to begin with because they broke the law, or are forced to buy their services to protect themselves from another lawyer on the other side.

[Boner_18]

It's nice that lawyer jokes exist. There is no such thing as construction worker, electrician, delivery guy or other blue collar joke b/c it's not nice to make fun of retards.

[stevenash]

What's brown and looks really good on a lawyer?

A doberman.

[terpkeg]

Lawyers make their living by helping criminals get away with crimes (performing the same job as a getaway driver) and robbing the innocent who either pay their insane fees or go to prison, they are no better than criminals themselves. If you dont feel like paying their outrageous fees then you become case # 5330 of the week for some alcoholic public defender who is batting a 1.000 at getting his clients the max...helluva "profession".

The rich whites can afford to payoff the decent lawyers who are good at helping them get away with murder or prove their innocence while the poor get the PD who FedExs their ass straight to prison...lawyers are the scum of the earth

Don't be such a simpleton.

"All, too, will bear in mind this sacred principle, that though the will of the majority is in all cases to prevail, that will to be rightful must be reasonable; that the minority possess their equal rights, which equal law must protect, and to violate would be oppression."

- Thomas Jefferson

[PickWinnerAllDay]

I forgot this one:

"PickWinnerAllDay is going to be a lawyer!!"



Just kidding man, although some of the things you write are pretty funny considering you are going to be a lawyer!!

I guess I'll be in trouble if I'm ever in the court room and some jackass starts quoting me from SBR forum then. Pray that day never comes.

[PickWinnerAllDay]

Lawyers make their living by helping criminals get away with crimes (performing the same job as a getaway driver) and robbing the innocent who either pay their insane fees or go to prison, they are no better than criminals themselves. If you dont feel like paying their outrageous fees then you become case # 5330 of the week for some alcoholic public defender who is batting a 1.000 at getting his clients the max...helluva "profession".

The rich whites can afford to payoff the decent lawyers who are good at helping them get away with murder or prove their innocence while the poor get the PD who FedExs their ass straight to prison...lawyers are the scum of the earth

Don't do the crime unless you got the dime to avoid the time.

[ChalkyDog]

A Brooklyn lawyer, a used car salesman and a banker were gathered by a coffin containing the body of an old friend. In his grief, one of the three said, "In my family, we have a custom of giving the dead some money, so they’ll have something to spend over there."


They all agreed that this was appropriate. The banker dropped a hundred dollar bill into the casket, and the car salesman did the same. The lawyer took out the bills and wrote a check for $300.

[yisman]

Corey J. Trots

The guy's name is Corey B. Trots, you square.

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients?
A: To prevent clients from being billed/fukked twice for essentially the same service..............

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: Did you hear about the group of terrorists that hijacked a plane full of lawyers?

A: They called down to ground control with their list of demands, threatening that if their demands weren't met, they would release one lawyer every hour.

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?

A: Depends on how thin you slice them.

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline?

A: You take off your shoes to jump on a trampoline!

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

A: One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a catfish.

[PAULYPOKER]

Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?

A: A hooker will stop fukking you after you are dead.

[Koldazzice]

Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.