Seeking Perfection

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  • Bread
    SBR Posting Legend
    • 03-16-08
    • 23726

    #1
    Seeking Perfection
    Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it. ~ Salvador Dali


    We are taught to strive for perfection from a young age, but constantly reminded that nobody is perfect. Sounds to me like we are set up for failure with a ready-made excuse. The following are the top references to perfection that jump out at me. As you’ll see, every one of them are far from perfect.

    Black & white photos…


    Bo Derek in ’10.’ She was Dudley Moore’s perfect 10 in this 1979 film. For me, not so much. Perhaps it was the Allen Iverson beaded cornrow look. Maybe it was the fact that I’m not a huge fan of blondes. Either way, it took me almost 17 years to realize that Salma Hayek is the perfect woman - as long as I don’t have to hang out with her for long periods of time.

    ‘Perfect Day’ by Lou Reed. This enchanting song would always make me feel good whenever I heard it. Sangrias in the park and feeding animals at the zoo? Wow that sounds super! What a great song! Oh wait what’s that? It actually has deeper meaning pertaining to a jilted lover, and possibly even heroin abuse? Wait a minute; this isn’t a perfect day at all, is it?!

    ‘The Perfect Drug’ by Nine Inch Nails. I’m a huge fan of the industrial music genre. At no point will you be misled into thinking that everything is going to be just fine, and I like that. But until Trent Reznor actually invents a drug that doesn’t make me second guess the non-existence of Christ, or feel sub-human for two days, I’d appreciate it if he would stop with the false advertising.

    My friend Pete bowling a perfect 300 game. The good news is that you bowled a perfect game. The bad news is that you consider bowling a sport. Call me back when you can pronounce Boomer Esiason’s name properly, son.

    ‘Tremors 3: Back to Perfection.’ This is just silly since the first installment of ‘Tremors’ was the most perfect movie ever, with Kevin Bacon and Tom Skeritt’s awkward man-love and whatnot. You give me Michael Gross in part three and call it perfection? Mr. Keaton? The dad from ‘Cool as Ice??’ Puh-lease.

    Salvador Dali was right. Perfection always comes with a catch. Speaking of perfection coming with a catch…


    I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can’t see from the center. ~Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.


    What a visionary Vonnegut was to know that one of the few displays of perfection that we would see in our lifetimes would be made possible by a spectacular play in center. Unreal.

    …plus amazing facial hair…


    Just the 18th perfect game in MLB history was hurled on Thursday by White Sox starter Mark Buehrle. With 116 pitches, Buehrle found perfection. I guess Dali was wrong, but when you paint melting clocks for a living, you’re bound to be off a few times.

    When you look at the scorecard, you’ll see nine groundouts, six strikeouts, six fly outs, two foul outs, and two line outs as the ingredients to Buehrle’s perfect pie. But it will be one of those six fly outs that will forever be synonymous with this particular perfect game.

    White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen made a few moves to start the ninth, which ended up with DeWayne Wise in centerfield. It wasn’t Evan Longoria or Carl Crawford of Carlos Pena leading off the inning. It was Gabe Kapler, and Buehrle was going to need a little help from his friends to attain perfection.

    Kapler blasted a 2-2 offering that just kept on going. If you’ve seen the catch, then you understand. If you have not, my words will do it no justice, but I will still try. Wise locked in on the ball, which took him on a collision course with the centerfield wall. He timed his leap perfectly, and reached over the wall to get his glove on the ball just as his body made contact. But the ball was not secured, and hopping around like a lottery drawing. As Wise, the ball, and the dreams of the White Sox faithful came crashing to the ground, it occurred to me what the most important homerun-robbing grab was up until that point.

    Ironically, it belonged to Rays’ super leftfielder Carl Crawford in the All-Star game. His game-saving grab earned him MVP honors in that low scoring Classic. And then, Wise rolled over with the ball secured in his bare hand. At that very point, there was practically zero doubt that we would see two more outs, and Buehrle (and Wise) would have their perfection. And they did just that.


    They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. ~Wilt Chamberlain


    Wilt obviously took that “practice makes perfect” line to heart when it came to women. But all jokes aside, he felt what I was saying in the first place. Wilt knew what was up. Perfection doesn’t really happen, does it?

    …equal pure perfection!


    Who are the poor souls who had money on Tampa Bay and the Over in this game? I know all too well the feeling of backing one team when the opponent goes out and not only wins, but shatters some kind of crazy record along the way.

    I remember in 2003 when I went big on the Cleveland Browns who were facing Baltimore. That’s the game that Jamal Lewis set the NFL record (at that time) for most rushing yards in a game with 295. I remember sitting there at the bar as my friends laughed and hit me over the head with beer bottles, as Lewis ran for one 30+ yd run after another. Those were the days, let me tell ya.

    The truth is, I was thinking about playing the Rays (+105) and the Over (9) in this game, but completely forgot that it was an early start. Congratulations, I’m an idiot! I was quite content with my 0-0 record on this special day, and spent the evening watching ‘Sling Blade’ for the first time in years. Karl cracks me up.

    As for Mark Buehrle, I’m happy for him. He has joined some elite company. He is better looking than Randy Johnson, in better shape than David Wells, and has a better demeanor than Kenny Rogers. As a matter of fact, he has something on just about all of his perfect game comrades. Especially Cy Young. I partied with him once and that guy was trouble.



  • betplom
    SBR Posting Legend
    • 09-20-06
    • 13444

    #2
    bread = way too much free time.
    Comment
    • SlickFazzer
      SBR Posting Legend
      • 05-22-08
      • 20209

      #3
      bread may have a career in an academic setting.
      Comment
      • Bread
        SBR Posting Legend
        • 03-16-08
        • 23726

        #4
        Yea me pro.
        Comment
        • pavyracer
          SBR Aristocracy
          • 04-12-07
          • 82907

          #5
          I hope you make some money from this posts because I have a hard time following.
          Comment
          • Bread
            SBR Posting Legend
            • 03-16-08
            • 23726

            #6
            Pavy I'm actually working on a deal to start putting my writings on tape. I get many comments like yours and I want to be inclusive of all SBR, regardless of attention span
            Comment
            • wtf
              SBR Posting Legend
              • 08-22-08
              • 12983

              #7
              breads posts are like jazz music

              i hear something, but i just dont get it
              Comment
              • Bread
                SBR Posting Legend
                • 03-16-08
                • 23726

                #8
                wtf..just for you buddy. Enjoy.

                Comment
                • pavyracer
                  SBR Aristocracy
                  • 04-12-07
                  • 82907

                  #9
                  I didn't mean to discourage you from posting. It's just I like my news like raydog's. They are more fun for the mentally challenged crowd of SBR like myself. What am saying is your posts are way too advanced for the crowd that frequents SBR. We are blue collar guys my friend.
                  Comment
                  • Bread
                    SBR Posting Legend
                    • 03-16-08
                    • 23726

                    #10
                    Originally posted by pavyracer
                    I didn't mean to discourage you from posting. It's just I like my news like raydog's. They are more fun for the mentally challenged crowd of SBR like myself. What am saying is your posts are way too advanced for the crowd that frequents SBR. We are blue collar guys my friend.

                    Pavy Baby...I have over 15K posts I think. 99% of them are the most immature, idiotic shit you will ever waste time reading.

                    Once or twice a week I actually write something like this. Trust me. I'm as retarded blue collar as it gets
                    Comment
                    • blittydeuce
                      SBR Hall of Famer
                      • 06-11-08
                      • 5572

                      #11
                      thats why dozer pays bread the big bucks
                      Comment
                      • pavyracer
                        SBR Aristocracy
                        • 04-12-07
                        • 82907

                        #12
                        I thought MilfDriller and zboiz made the big bugs.
                        Comment
                        • Bread
                          SBR Posting Legend
                          • 03-16-08
                          • 23726

                          #13
                          Pavy love the headline under your name. Spectacular.


                          I copied and pasted this entire thread from ballsacks.com

                          Just fyi.
                          Comment
                          • Flying Dutchman
                            SBR MVP
                            • 05-17-09
                            • 2467

                            #14
                            Originally posted by Bread
                            I copied and pasted this entire thread from ballsacks.com

                            Just fyi.
                            That's the Bread we've come to love...steal other's people's sh*t and post it.

                            ...now about that night with Robyn for $29.95, can I get a senior discount?

                            Comment
                            • Bread
                              SBR Posting Legend
                              • 03-16-08
                              • 23726

                              #15
                              FD, all I do is plagiarize. Is that not OK?

                              Not sure how things work in this country.
                              Comment
                              • Flying Dutchman
                                SBR MVP
                                • 05-17-09
                                • 2467

                                #16
                                Originally posted by Bread
                                FD, all I do is plagiarize. Is that not OK?

                                Not sure how things work in this country.
                                Sure it's OK, I'm your sock puppet remember?

                                What the fvk did you do with Kingie, BTW?

                                Comment
                                • RogueScholar
                                  SBR Hall of Famer
                                  • 02-05-07
                                  • 5082

                                  #17
                                  I like them French fried potaters. Mmm.

                                  Nice work, Bread, this one really gets you to thinking about how sports is simply a metaphor for the world around us. It is all just as deep or as shallow as we permit it to be.
                                  Originally posted by StraitShooter
                                  90% of the guys dont give a shit about your problems..and the other 10 are glad you have them..
                                  Comment
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