As a bit of a public service message to any of you planning on gettin' hammered this weekend while celebrating the 4th:
first off, due to that group of fig-gobblin carpet pilots calling themselves "Isis", law enforcement nationwide is "significantly stepping up their presence in the community."
Cutting to the chase, what this means for all of us who drink and drive is that once the dune dwellers don't show/attack, there are going to be hundreds of extra cops left out there on the streets to do what they do best: harass otherwise law-abiding citizens and search for ways to cover the huge expense of having all their idiot asses earning time and half out on the streets..... Quick translation: more DWI stops.....
Now, with that in mind, follow this f'n advice (I give it to clients/friends/associates all the time, and they still don't follow it under the pressure of a dwi stop, AND THEY ALWAYS REGRET IT):
1. When you see flashing lights behind you, OBEY all traffic laws, i.e., use signals, don't speed, keep it between the lines, etc.. You're on video, and the first defense to "driving drunk" is to look sober via your driving.
2. As you're following the law, put away (unnoticably to the cop behind you) anything that could get you into trouble that is in "plain view," as if the cop sees contraband, open cotainers, drug paraphernalia, etc, he doesn't need a warrant to search your car.....
3. If you have been drinking, before stopping try to inconspicuously pop a piece of gum into your mouth, to get rid of the alchol odor.
4. After stopped and approached, the cop will invariably ask you to get out of the car.... You're on videotape, usually with sound, so any talking you do, do your best to sound sober..... You can ask him why you're being pulled over, and why are you being asked to get out of the car if you'd like. It commits him to his "probable cause" theory "on the record," so to speak.....
5. assuming he's insistent and gives you an at least a semi-valid excuse for the traffic stop, (speeding, swerving out of lane, no blinker, ran stop sign, etc.), and more or less orders you out of the car, get out as best you can without falling or staggering, again, look as sober as possible as your on his dash cam......
(also note: try to have your license and ins. out before he approaches, so he doesnt see you fumbling with it (more cause to believe your drunk)
5.a. If he asks you "have you had anything to drink tonight?" DO NOT SAY "ONE OR TWO", "i HAD A FEW HOURS AGO WITH DINNER", OR "ONLY A COUPLE EARLIER TONIGHT". THAT GIVES HIM PROBABLE CAUSE TO HAVE YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR..... I don't care if you and one other dude floated a f'n keg between the two of you, politely say "I haven't had anything to drink, officer"
5.b. never, ever consent to any request to "search your car." again, say your lawyer friend said "never consent to any searches without a warrant, as a matter of policy." "Nothing personal, officer, I'm just following my lawyer friend's advice."
6. if he informs you that he wants to administer field sobriety tests, politely inform him that you have a friend who is an attorney who has advised you to NEVER take field sobriety tests, because they are patently unfair and are routinely failed by stone cold sober people, such as yourself.
7. if you've been drinking, YOU WILL FAIL THE TESTS, AND GIVE THE STATE ALL THE EVIDENCE IT NEEDS TO CONVICT YOU..... DO NOT TAKE THE DAMN TESTS IF YOU HAVE HAD EVEN THREE DRINKS......
(OBVIOUSLY, if you haven't been drinking, smoking weed, or doing drugs, you can humor the cop a bit and try them, as you're going to get off eventually---these tips apply to those who, like me, will be drinking and driving this weekend)
8. If the cop says, "either do the tests or your going downtown" -- they love that idiotic phrase -- say, "that would be a waste of our taxpayers money, but suit yourself, as I haven't been drinking and I'm obviously not impaired."
if he then asks you to turn around and cuffs you, walk as straight as you possibly can and get into the car as soberly as you can.
9. Once in the car, STFU..... DO NOT SAY A WORD TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF! YOU'RE ON FILM AND BEING RECORDED.... do not take a nap, do not try to re-model the inside of his cruiser with your feet, and never, ever express regret for drinking so much.... If you're relatively sober, you can say to yourself under your breath, "this is such bullshit, probably the corrupt DWI task force trying to earn extra pay." ONLY IF YOU SOUND SOBER..... SLUR YOUR SPEECH ON TAPE U WILL BE CONVICTED. IF YOU'RE HAMMERED AND YOU KNOW IT, SAY NOTHING AND SIT AS STILL AS YOU CAN -- BUT WITHOUT LOOKING STEWED.... IE, LOOK ALERT, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, ETC.....BUT DON'T SLUMP OR GIVE OFF THE "IM BLASTED" VIBE.....
10. AT THE STATION, IF YOU KNOW UR DRUNK AND WILL FAIL THE BREATH OR BLOOD TEST, REFUSE THEM. Sure, your license will be suspended, BUT IT'S GOING TO BE SUSPENDED ANYWAY WHEN YOU FAIL THE DAMN BREATH OR BLOOD TEST. All you will have done is give them a concrete number by which to convict you on......
GOOD LUCK THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!
first off, due to that group of fig-gobblin carpet pilots calling themselves "Isis", law enforcement nationwide is "significantly stepping up their presence in the community."
Cutting to the chase, what this means for all of us who drink and drive is that once the dune dwellers don't show/attack, there are going to be hundreds of extra cops left out there on the streets to do what they do best: harass otherwise law-abiding citizens and search for ways to cover the huge expense of having all their idiot asses earning time and half out on the streets..... Quick translation: more DWI stops.....
Now, with that in mind, follow this f'n advice (I give it to clients/friends/associates all the time, and they still don't follow it under the pressure of a dwi stop, AND THEY ALWAYS REGRET IT):
1. When you see flashing lights behind you, OBEY all traffic laws, i.e., use signals, don't speed, keep it between the lines, etc.. You're on video, and the first defense to "driving drunk" is to look sober via your driving.
2. As you're following the law, put away (unnoticably to the cop behind you) anything that could get you into trouble that is in "plain view," as if the cop sees contraband, open cotainers, drug paraphernalia, etc, he doesn't need a warrant to search your car.....
3. If you have been drinking, before stopping try to inconspicuously pop a piece of gum into your mouth, to get rid of the alchol odor.
4. After stopped and approached, the cop will invariably ask you to get out of the car.... You're on videotape, usually with sound, so any talking you do, do your best to sound sober..... You can ask him why you're being pulled over, and why are you being asked to get out of the car if you'd like. It commits him to his "probable cause" theory "on the record," so to speak.....
5. assuming he's insistent and gives you an at least a semi-valid excuse for the traffic stop, (speeding, swerving out of lane, no blinker, ran stop sign, etc.), and more or less orders you out of the car, get out as best you can without falling or staggering, again, look as sober as possible as your on his dash cam......
(also note: try to have your license and ins. out before he approaches, so he doesnt see you fumbling with it (more cause to believe your drunk)
5.a. If he asks you "have you had anything to drink tonight?" DO NOT SAY "ONE OR TWO", "i HAD A FEW HOURS AGO WITH DINNER", OR "ONLY A COUPLE EARLIER TONIGHT". THAT GIVES HIM PROBABLE CAUSE TO HAVE YOU STEP OUT OF THE CAR..... I don't care if you and one other dude floated a f'n keg between the two of you, politely say "I haven't had anything to drink, officer"
5.b. never, ever consent to any request to "search your car." again, say your lawyer friend said "never consent to any searches without a warrant, as a matter of policy." "Nothing personal, officer, I'm just following my lawyer friend's advice."
6. if he informs you that he wants to administer field sobriety tests, politely inform him that you have a friend who is an attorney who has advised you to NEVER take field sobriety tests, because they are patently unfair and are routinely failed by stone cold sober people, such as yourself.
7. if you've been drinking, YOU WILL FAIL THE TESTS, AND GIVE THE STATE ALL THE EVIDENCE IT NEEDS TO CONVICT YOU..... DO NOT TAKE THE DAMN TESTS IF YOU HAVE HAD EVEN THREE DRINKS......
(OBVIOUSLY, if you haven't been drinking, smoking weed, or doing drugs, you can humor the cop a bit and try them, as you're going to get off eventually---these tips apply to those who, like me, will be drinking and driving this weekend)
8. If the cop says, "either do the tests or your going downtown" -- they love that idiotic phrase -- say, "that would be a waste of our taxpayers money, but suit yourself, as I haven't been drinking and I'm obviously not impaired."
if he then asks you to turn around and cuffs you, walk as straight as you possibly can and get into the car as soberly as you can.
9. Once in the car, STFU..... DO NOT SAY A WORD TO ANYONE, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF! YOU'RE ON FILM AND BEING RECORDED.... do not take a nap, do not try to re-model the inside of his cruiser with your feet, and never, ever express regret for drinking so much.... If you're relatively sober, you can say to yourself under your breath, "this is such bullshit, probably the corrupt DWI task force trying to earn extra pay." ONLY IF YOU SOUND SOBER..... SLUR YOUR SPEECH ON TAPE U WILL BE CONVICTED. IF YOU'RE HAMMERED AND YOU KNOW IT, SAY NOTHING AND SIT AS STILL AS YOU CAN -- BUT WITHOUT LOOKING STEWED.... IE, LOOK ALERT, LOOK OUT THE WINDOW, ETC.....BUT DON'T SLUMP OR GIVE OFF THE "IM BLASTED" VIBE.....
10. AT THE STATION, IF YOU KNOW UR DRUNK AND WILL FAIL THE BREATH OR BLOOD TEST, REFUSE THEM. Sure, your license will be suspended, BUT IT'S GOING TO BE SUSPENDED ANYWAY WHEN YOU FAIL THE DAMN BREATH OR BLOOD TEST. All you will have done is give them a concrete number by which to convict you on......
GOOD LUCK THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!
