NFL Sunday Breaded
Sunday’s NFL Playoff games hold some mighty important implications for my futures wagers. I still feel confident that the Giants and Steelers will meet in the Super Bowl, although I will admit that much of what I have read this week opened the door ever so slightly for some second guessing to creep in.
I’m locked in with my futures. After a week of allowing myself to entertain the beliefs of all those that think that Philly and San Diego have a chance on Sunday, I’m going to tackle the individual games a little differently than I had planned. But make no doubt about it, I still have the utmost faith in my Super Bowl predictions. Sorta kinda.
1:00 Philadelphia at New York Giants (-4, 40)
I have owned only three authentic NFL jerseys in my lifetime. Many years ago I had the Redskin’s Jay Schroeder (don’t ask because I don’t know), and I currently possess Miami’s Ricky Williams and the Eagle’s Donovan McNabb. Ricky’s was bought by a drunken friend who just won a big wager. Now it is more of a gag item. Mr. McNabb, however, I purchased myself.
Several years ago when the hometown Bucs and the Eagles were slugging it out for NFC supremacy, I would enjoy going to the local sports bars and openly rooting against Tampa Bay. These people hated Philadelphia during those days. There were even incidents of Philly Cheesesteak joints being vandalized. Unreal. So I would venture into the belly of the beast whilst donning my McNabb jersey. As you might imagine, this led to many a verbal confrontation with drunken Buc fans wearing their Alstott jerseys and R.I.P. Dale Earnhardt mesh caps. Those were the days.
Through these experiences, I actually became quite a fan of the Eagle’s quarterback. He would usually put on a good show, and well shucks, he just seemed like a nice guy. I think it all started to go downhill once Donovan sported the cornrows. Everybody was against him. The hometown fans and media. Rush Limbaugh. Even the NAACP! There was the meltdown at the end of the Super Bowl. His mother was forced to work at a Chunky’s Soup factory. I felt bad for the guy but he should’ve known once he decided to go cornrow.
Just say no – To cornrows
I thought that Week 12 was the beginning of the end for McNabb. He was benched for backup Kevin Kolb and Philly was throttled by Baltimore 36-7. This was all one week after his ignorance on the overtime rules was revealed. Things looked grim. The Doors played in the background as Martin Sheen danced around his room in a liquored up stupor. But alas, this wasn’t The End.
The Eagles won four of the final five regular season games, and then went to Minnesota last week and beat them 26-14 in their Wild Card matchup. McNabb has been a huge reason for this surge, throwing for 1,446 yards with 10 TDs to only two INTs during that six game stretch. I’m happy for my old friend. 
The Eagles also boast the NFC’s best defense. They are just dangerous enough to beat any team on any given day. The books have them going to New York as four point dogs. Do I think that they can cover? There’s a good chance. Do I think that they can win? Probably not. This is why I’ll be trying to cover my bases and taking the Giants straight up at -200.
Not as bad as I feared for McNabb
The G-Men have lost three of their last four games (boredom), and star receiver Plaxico Burress (cornrows). Their postseason defense of their title will take place in a cold and windy setting…just the way football was supposed to be.
Another factor in the Giants’ recent slide was running back Brandon Jacobs being injured. When New York beat Philly in early November, Jacobs’ power running went off for 126 yards and two TDs. When they played again in December, he aggravated a knee injury and Philly won the game. The bye week should have him back close to 100%, and that’s a good thing for Giants backers. New York led the NFL with 5.0 yards per rush. It could be a long bruising day for Philadelphia defenders.
4:45 San Diego at Pittsburgh (-6, 38)
All of the talk about San Diego pulling the upset here has gotten to me. I see my future bets crumpling up before my very eyes. I swear to God if I was around for Orson Welles 1938 ‘War of the Worlds’ radio broadcast, I would’ve jumped out of a 20th story window in a crazed panic. Perhaps I need Zoloft.
THE SKY IS FALLING!
When these two teams met earlier this year, Pittsburgh won 11-10, but more importantly, Charger bettors were absolutely robbed by referee incompetence. It was bizarre. Hopefully my first instincts were correct and Pittsburgh prevails. Either way, I’m going to play the Under here. The two teams combined should score fewer points than Dirk Diggler at a midget porn convention.
How much will Ben Roethlisberger’s recent concussion affect his play? He’s never been a “poetry in motion” kind of guy anyway. A couple good smacks to the head could render him stiff as a board. That would have Pittsburgh turning to backup Byron Leftwich. That would be all kinds of bad for the Steelers, but all kinds of good for the Under.
Steeler’s running back Willie Parker had a career low year, averaging only 3.8 yards per carry. The Chargers have received a pleasant boost from Darren Sproles, who has filled in for the injured LaDainian Tomlinson quite nicely. Sproles’ late season success can be directly attributed to the fact that he does not have cornrows. 
In case you need any more reasons to consider taking the Under, I’ll give you a couple. Pittsburgh can claim the league’s best defense, giving up only 237.2 yards per game. A huge reason for that honor goes to the 2008 Defensive Player of the Year, linebacker James Harrison. Harrison’s 16 sacks set a franchise record and his seven forced fumbles led the league. All the football fans that garner a certain amount of inexplicable disdain for Chargers QB Philip Rivers…and let’s face it, that covers all fans NOT residing in the San Diego area…should enjoy watching Harrison slam him to the frozen dirt a few times.
The final reason to consider the Under is Heinz Field. This should be a classic crappy weather playoff game, which turns the playing surface in Pittsburgh into porridge. Could you score 39 points playing in porridge? Me neither. 
