Danny Noonan: I gotta go to college.
Ty Webb: You don't have to go to college. This isn't Russia. Is this Russia? This isn't Russia.
Judge Smails: Danny, I'm having a party this weekend.
[pauses a beat]
Judge Smails: How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?
Sandy: I want you to kill every gophers on the golf course!
Carl Spackler: Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key...
Sandy: Not golfers, you great fool! Gophers! The *little* *brown*, *furry* *rodents* -!
Carl Spackler: We can do that; we don't even have to have a reason. All right, let's do the same thing, but with gophers -!
Carl Spackler: [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.
Carl Spackler: License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever. They're like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and superior firepower. And that's all she wrote.
Carl Spackler: This place got a pool?
Ty Webb: Pool and a pond... Pond be good for you.
lmao, I considered quoting the pool/pond one too!!!
