The days of me drinking until I can't see, blowing lines until the sun comes up, and waking up next to a chick whose name alludes me have pretty much come to an end. Although I'm not adverse to doing any (or all) of these things on the rare occasion, the vast majority my party days are behind me. However, one lingering effect of those days continued to follow me: smoking. I smoke about a pack a day. Anyway, here is a brief journal of my efforts to quit.
OCT 30th: I wake up feeling like shit (as usual lately). My chest hurts. I got 10 hours of sleep but I still feel tired. I cough. I have developed a little smokers' cough, but today it has a deep hurt. I'm sick. Great. I immediately grab a cigarette and puff it down. Yummy. Throughout the day, I hurt but I smoke on.
OCT 31st: I still feel like shit. Fuk this. I go to Target and buy the patch. I can't handle this shit anymore. I smoke a cigarette first. I buy a 14 day supply for the first stage. It says you need to use this crap for 6 weeks. Ok. Let's do it. Throughout the day, it works surprisingly well. The cravings are there momentarily but I'm fending them off the best I can. I feel like a $2 whore. I really need to put something in my mouth. I buy some Halls coughdrops. They help. A little. I have 3 cigarettes throughout the day. Did I win this battle today? I shouldn't be cheating if I'm trying to quit. The night comes. It's Halloween and there are thousands upon thousands of half naked women walking the strip right now (I live in Vegas for those that don't know). Ughh. I stay home.
NOV 1st: I keep the patch on overnight as directed since I ALWAYS need a cigarette when I first wakeup. Oddly, I'm not really craving one. I'm dehydrated. Huh? I can't drink enough water. I put a new patch on my shoulder. It burns for a few minutes and itches for a bit but it goes away after a while. The circulation in my arm (the one with the patch) is fukked. It feels like my veins are about to implode. This can't be good for me. Fuk it. I'm quitting. I leave the patch on. I feel light headed throughout the day with spells of nausea from time to time. Is it the patch or simply quitting that is causing this? I have 2 cigarettes today.
NOV 2nd: My cold is almost gone. I make my wagers without a craving while driving. I get to Jerry's Nugget - a dump casino in the ghetto of Vegas. Something about the sight of poor drunks losing their money and sitting in a book looking at lines has me craving a cig - BADLY. Or maybe it's the aroma of 50 Newports being smoked simultaneously in the book. Anyway, I make a few wagers and leave. I have a cigarette but it tastes like absolute shit. I throw it out after a few drags.
NOV 3rd. I'm beginning to go through the day without thinking about cigarettes. I only have a few cravings throughout the day, but I'm able to fend them off. However, I'm fukkin testy right now. Driving down the strip, a cab driver blocks the turn lane into the Venetian when I'm trying to get a last minute bet in. He lets passengers out when all he had to do was pull up 10 feet further to let the rest of us in the drive. I lay on my horn. "Get the fuk out of the way!" I lay on my horn again. A 50-something pedestrian yells, "OK. We get the point!" "Fuk you old man. I'll get out of my car and whack the shit outta you!" The cab driver thinks it's clever to sit there and congest traffic a little while longer to piss us off. Mother fukker. When I can, I speed around him. Once we pass security, I get in front of him slow down and weave in front of him, eventually coming to a halt. I get out of my car. "You stupid fukkin cocksucker!". Of course, he's Ethiopian. "You an idiot, man." "Teh. You're not worth my fukkin time. You piece of shit." I make my bets. My chest still hurts.
NOV 4th. This patch thing is certainly not good for me. Whichever arm I put it on, I can feel the blood pumping through my arm. I'm still nauseous. And now I have heartburn too. I buy some Rolaids. They seem to help a bit. I have a couple drags. They taste like shit.
NOV 5th. More of the same. I've lost my rage at least. What was that from? I'm still feeding my nicotine addiction. I play poker for the first time since trying to quit. I'm still light headed but I double up quickly. I can't sit still this long. I normally take cigarette breaks after every dealer down. Now I'm trying to stop from being restless. I get overly aggressive and give back what I made earlier. Waste of time. I'm not ready to play yet.
NOV 6th-NOV 8th. I'm doing better. My body is starting to calm down but I'm really feeling sick from the patch. The physicality of smoking (oral fixation, etc.) has basically subsided. I don't think about cigarettes after every meal or drive in my car.
NOV 9th. I decide not to put on the patch. Can I go without it? I try. Surprisingly, I have very few cravings and I'm no longer nauseous. My chest still hurts faintly.
TODAY. I'm still off the patch. My chest feels better. I can breathe better. I still cough up shit from time to time, but my smokers' cough is almost completely gone. I'll have a drag or two of a cigarette every day or two and all it does is remind me why I'm trying to quit. I had two packs leftover that were sitting in my car. I just gave them to a homeless woman. Hopefully, after 10 years of smoking, I can make this stick.
OCT 30th: I wake up feeling like shit (as usual lately). My chest hurts. I got 10 hours of sleep but I still feel tired. I cough. I have developed a little smokers' cough, but today it has a deep hurt. I'm sick. Great. I immediately grab a cigarette and puff it down. Yummy. Throughout the day, I hurt but I smoke on.
OCT 31st: I still feel like shit. Fuk this. I go to Target and buy the patch. I can't handle this shit anymore. I smoke a cigarette first. I buy a 14 day supply for the first stage. It says you need to use this crap for 6 weeks. Ok. Let's do it. Throughout the day, it works surprisingly well. The cravings are there momentarily but I'm fending them off the best I can. I feel like a $2 whore. I really need to put something in my mouth. I buy some Halls coughdrops. They help. A little. I have 3 cigarettes throughout the day. Did I win this battle today? I shouldn't be cheating if I'm trying to quit. The night comes. It's Halloween and there are thousands upon thousands of half naked women walking the strip right now (I live in Vegas for those that don't know). Ughh. I stay home.
NOV 1st: I keep the patch on overnight as directed since I ALWAYS need a cigarette when I first wakeup. Oddly, I'm not really craving one. I'm dehydrated. Huh? I can't drink enough water. I put a new patch on my shoulder. It burns for a few minutes and itches for a bit but it goes away after a while. The circulation in my arm (the one with the patch) is fukked. It feels like my veins are about to implode. This can't be good for me. Fuk it. I'm quitting. I leave the patch on. I feel light headed throughout the day with spells of nausea from time to time. Is it the patch or simply quitting that is causing this? I have 2 cigarettes today.
NOV 2nd: My cold is almost gone. I make my wagers without a craving while driving. I get to Jerry's Nugget - a dump casino in the ghetto of Vegas. Something about the sight of poor drunks losing their money and sitting in a book looking at lines has me craving a cig - BADLY. Or maybe it's the aroma of 50 Newports being smoked simultaneously in the book. Anyway, I make a few wagers and leave. I have a cigarette but it tastes like absolute shit. I throw it out after a few drags.
NOV 3rd. I'm beginning to go through the day without thinking about cigarettes. I only have a few cravings throughout the day, but I'm able to fend them off. However, I'm fukkin testy right now. Driving down the strip, a cab driver blocks the turn lane into the Venetian when I'm trying to get a last minute bet in. He lets passengers out when all he had to do was pull up 10 feet further to let the rest of us in the drive. I lay on my horn. "Get the fuk out of the way!" I lay on my horn again. A 50-something pedestrian yells, "OK. We get the point!" "Fuk you old man. I'll get out of my car and whack the shit outta you!" The cab driver thinks it's clever to sit there and congest traffic a little while longer to piss us off. Mother fukker. When I can, I speed around him. Once we pass security, I get in front of him slow down and weave in front of him, eventually coming to a halt. I get out of my car. "You stupid fukkin cocksucker!". Of course, he's Ethiopian. "You an idiot, man." "Teh. You're not worth my fukkin time. You piece of shit." I make my bets. My chest still hurts.
NOV 4th. This patch thing is certainly not good for me. Whichever arm I put it on, I can feel the blood pumping through my arm. I'm still nauseous. And now I have heartburn too. I buy some Rolaids. They seem to help a bit. I have a couple drags. They taste like shit.
NOV 5th. More of the same. I've lost my rage at least. What was that from? I'm still feeding my nicotine addiction. I play poker for the first time since trying to quit. I'm still light headed but I double up quickly. I can't sit still this long. I normally take cigarette breaks after every dealer down. Now I'm trying to stop from being restless. I get overly aggressive and give back what I made earlier. Waste of time. I'm not ready to play yet.
NOV 6th-NOV 8th. I'm doing better. My body is starting to calm down but I'm really feeling sick from the patch. The physicality of smoking (oral fixation, etc.) has basically subsided. I don't think about cigarettes after every meal or drive in my car.
NOV 9th. I decide not to put on the patch. Can I go without it? I try. Surprisingly, I have very few cravings and I'm no longer nauseous. My chest still hurts faintly.
TODAY. I'm still off the patch. My chest feels better. I can breathe better. I still cough up shit from time to time, but my smokers' cough is almost completely gone. I'll have a drag or two of a cigarette every day or two and all it does is remind me why I'm trying to quit. I had two packs leftover that were sitting in my car. I just gave them to a homeless woman. Hopefully, after 10 years of smoking, I can make this stick.
bol
, jj. I'll give you that.
