Why doesn't hockey have a 700 lb black guy play goalie and block all goals????

SportsMushroom · 04-19-12, 05:35 PM

Originally posted by CarpeDime

look, it's actually a pretty good idea

THIS guy would take up the whole entire net, and don't forget he's also wearing pads which would be supersized

so athleticism wouldn't matter at all, literally all he would have to do would be just sit there

if there were in fact any kind of exposed corners on top, you probably could have him perform some sort of movements to minimize the exposure at least somewhat

sure some goals would sneak through but not many

i love the idea, why has no one tried it?

cause the team would look more retarded than the big fat guy trying to balance himself on ice using a paper thin piece of metal

i do wonder though why that globetrotters white guy that can dunk without jumping is not playing for the washington bullets

dfberger23 · 04-19-12, 05:36 PM

I feel like I hear someone say this ignorant statement a few times during every hockey season.

Dutchie · 04-19-12, 05:40 PM

y'all never heard of Science???? science says NOOOOOOO

a4u2fear · 04-19-12, 05:42 PM

Originally posted by Jerm3462

Anything would do better than Philadelphia's goalies did in the playoffs.

That was embarrassing.

This

PuckIt · 04-19-12, 05:42 PM

Originally posted by CarpeDime

yes i agree getting him onto the ice would be an issue, but what are the rules for that? I'm sure they could build a contraption that could easily slide along the ice and dump him in front of the goal

Tow him with the zamboni?

boeing power · 04-19-12, 05:45 PM

Too many pics of ttwarrior in this thread

a4u2fear · 04-19-12, 05:49 PM

Originally posted by Dutchie

y'all never heard of Science???? science says NOOOOOOO

Interesting thanks

k13 · 04-19-12, 05:50 PM

Have him lay horizontally. Length is only 6 feet. Easily covered. So he'd have to be 4 fee wide....

How wide are these fat fuks?

mynameismud · 04-19-12, 05:54 PM

no way a guy that big could sustain enough energy to stay on the ice for 60 minutes. its just not feasible.

PuckIt · 04-19-12, 05:55 PM

Originally posted by k13

Have him lay horizontally. Length is only 6 feet. Easily covered. So he'd have to be 4 fee wide....

How wide are these fat fuks?

I think the problem would be that when they lay sideways they all kinda flop to one side...

k13 · 04-19-12, 05:57 PM

The Sports Science thing is so lame. Not even a real net. The sumo guy stands outside of the post a bit when they are together and leaves space in the middle. Should just lay on top of each other.

Extra Innings · 04-19-12, 05:59 PM

Originally posted by blackbeSSt

im more interested in this 700 pound fighter video

ChalkyDog · 04-19-12, 06:11 PM

Make the fat man try and enter the league, and the sue when the commish doesn't allow it.

Think I am on my way to McDonalds for the next year, gents.

baskets · 04-19-12, 06:15 PM

Originally posted by Extra Innings

thank you, sir. that was the video

blackbeSSt · 04-19-12, 06:38 PM

Originally posted by Extra Innings

for anyone wanting to save 4 minutes of their life, just fast forward to the 4 minute mark

Winnipeg Jets · 04-19-12, 09:19 PM

how come black people don't go to hockey games? sure wasn't many at the caps game.

CrazyCarl · 04-19-12, 09:34 PM

Why black?

muldoon · 04-19-12, 10:00 PM

Originally posted by CrazyCarl

Why black?

Exactly

Oh wait....

GOIRISH · 04-19-12, 10:50 PM

they didnt even attempt to block those goals in that video, anyone here could of found the net 75% of them time if the guy is just standing there. Should of actually had him try and block the goals, not just see if a person could fill the whole net

hockey216 · 04-19-12, 11:09 PM

DAMN! Where the hell you find a picture of someone that fat?! hahahahaha.

daaamnnn that dude is fat!

lol

the_orangekat · 04-19-12, 11:33 PM

Originally posted by PhillyFlyers

Because everybody knows that black guys can't play hockey.

They've got a better chance at graduating high school.

Holy shit, I just read this and beer came out my nose...stings.

bhattman · 04-20-12, 03:01 AM

wow...this thread is fat

Koldazzice · 04-20-12, 03:58 AM

could possibly be the best thread I've seen on here lol - laughed for a full minute

TT22 · 04-20-12, 08:51 AM

Doesn't work because the pad size are limited. Even if you find someone to cover 100% of the goal, he would have to take a lot of slaphots to his bare skin until he has had enough. He might win the first game though, if he can stand a little pain.

Monitor-Tan · 04-20-12, 08:59 AM

Originally posted by Grits n' Gravy

Get the f uck out of here with that nonsense you fat tub of goo. You can't go 15 minutes without eating, let alone standing up on skates. You going to use your shit rag to wipe the ice off your face? I could see you pouring sugar and food coloring on ice and making a giant snow cone. That is about it.

RunningMan7 · 04-20-12, 09:04 AM

All NHL shooters need is space big enough for the puck; In the video clip, the guy is shooting from a spot which makes it tougher on the shooter. Imagine if the fat goalies had to guard the goal when the guy is hovering around the net.

Kindred · 04-20-12, 09:25 AM

The guy would ruin the ice..that's if he could even stand up in skates without breaking his ankles with all the weight he would be trying to balance. He'd also need special skates to support that weight.

thetrinity · 04-20-12, 09:45 AM

that mexican fat ass could cover the whole goal. i dont care if he couldnt save a fuckin thing, the goal would always be blocked. give him a fuckin mask, drop him in during a crane before each period starts and lets do this!

aceking · 04-20-12, 09:50 AM

why don't they use 2 players as goalie ?

zoo youk · 04-20-12, 10:08 AM

Originally posted by thetrinity

that mexican fat ass could cover the whole goal. i dont care if he couldnt save a fuckin thing, the goal would always be blocked. give him a fuckin mask, drop him in during a crane before each period starts and lets do this!

believe it or not he actually as a girlfriend who sponge bathes him every day and they fuk. it was on nat geo. not sure if he is still alive

thetrinity · 04-20-12, 10:13 AM

Originally posted by zoo youk

believe it or not he actually as a girlfriend who sponge bathes him every day and they fuk. it was on nat geo. not sure if he is still alive

i think him and that girl got married a few years back? didnt they have to carry him on some sort of platform to the wedding?

RunningMan7 · 04-20-12, 10:16 AM

Only one guy can be in pads. So sure, if they pair a fat guy and a regular player, the regular player will be black and blue by the time the first period is done because he can't use the same padding and he isn't allowed to cover the puck like a goalie.

Oh about that MMA guy vs fat black sumo guy: the fat guy looked like he was serching for the guy's dick to give him a blowie at the 4:11 mark. And at the 5:23 mark, using Zimmerman as inspiration, the black guy should have shot the Japanese dude.

ByeShea · 04-20-12, 10:21 AM

Originally posted by aceking

why don't they use 2 players as goalie ?

Better yet, two 700 lb. black guys tending goal. One to stop the puck, the other to enforce badassness around the crease.

Most enlightening hockey thread in SBR history.

wrongturn · 04-20-12, 10:27 AM

The idea of putting two players at goalies is interesting. Although it is kind of dumb to do it from starting of game, but at close of game when leading by 1 is a good idea. Maybe?

RunningMan7 · 04-20-12, 10:41 AM

Trust me, that wont work. Otherwise they would be using two guys in goal on the penalty kills. The second guy will have too many gaps for an NHL caliber player not to exploit. He will just come in the way of the main goalie. THe best bet is for the other players to be there for the goalie to remove rebounds or swat away any pucks that dribble behind a goalie in case he comes out aggressive.