Pretty sure this is it:
NO IT WASNT A SPORTSBOOK THIS TIME I JUST TOOK A BREAK FROM CUTTING MY GRASS SO I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE NOW FOR 45 MINUTES.MY F-CKING LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN STOLEN JESUS CHRIST I AM F-CKING PISSED,I ASKED YURI NEXT DOOR AND HE SAID HE SAW SOME COLORED KID PUT IT INTO HIS TRUCK HE THOUGHT I WAS LETTING HIM USE IT.JESUS F-CKING CHRIST THESE F-CKING RUSSIANS ARE DUMB MOTHER F-CKERS YEH RIGHT LIKE I AM GOING TO LET A NUBIAN USE MY LAWNMOWER ITS GONE GUYS HOW DO I TELL MY WIFE I WAS POSTING IN THE RX AND SOME NIGERIAN STOLE OUR LAWNMOWER SHE WILL THINK I AM GOING BONKERS.THE LAWNMOWER IS 3 YEARS OLD ITS NOT THE MONEY ITS THE FACT THAT MY F-CKING STUPID RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR SAW A NIGERIAN STEAL MY MOWER AND HE JUST STANDS THERE THANKS A F-CKING LOT YURI.THE FRONT OF THE YARD IS HALF DONE NOW WHAT DO I DO.WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME THIS.I CANT BELIEVE IT I DONT LIKE TO GET ROBBED EVEN IF IT WAS A 6 PACK OF MY CORONAS ITS THE FACT THAT A LITTLE F-CKING BONE HEAD WALKED ONTO MY PROPERTY AND STOLE MY LAWNMOWER WHAT F-CKING BALLS.I CAN SEE IT NOW JIM HOW COME YOU DIDNT FINISH THE LAWN TODAY WELL HONEY I WENT IN TO TALK TO THE SHRINK,SICK GAMBLER,DIMEPLAYERONLY,AND LOU DIAMOND THEN WHEN I WENT BACK OUTSIDE SOMEBODY STOLE THE MOWER,I THINK SHE WILL HAVE ME COMMITTED TO THE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTION OF MENTAL PATIENTS BOYS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN TO HER I TOOK A BREAK TO GO ON THE INTERNET TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF MIS FITS AND THE MOWER WAS STOLEN,THATS IT NO ALLOWANCE AGAIN THIS WEEK ILL HAVE TO GO BUY A NEW LAWNMOWER AND MY WIFE WILL DEDUCT IT FROM MY WEEKLY SALARY.WHY DO I COME INTO THIS FORUM EVERYTIME I DO SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.
BOYS I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE RUSSIAN NEIGHBORS MAN THEY ARE THE DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH I SAW A BLACK KID TAKE THE MOWER I THOUGHT HE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS F-CK YOU YURI
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE A ASKED MY GOOD BUDDY BOBBY WHO I HAVED KNOWN FOR 10 YEARS HE LIVES 3 HOUSES AWAY IF I COULD BORROW HIS LAWNMOWER TO FINISH THE YARD.HE SAY JEEZ JIM YOU KNOW I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT BUT I NEED A NEW SPARK PLUG ITS NOT WORKING.I LEFT SAYING THANKS AGAIN STONE FACE THIS IS WHAT MY WIFE CALLS BOBBY BUT I KNOW HE IS FULL OF SH-T I SAW HIM CUTTING HIS LAWN SATURDAY AFTERNOON,BOY YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW YOUR F-CKING NEIGHBORS WHEN YOU NEED A FAVOR.LAST YEAR WHEN STONE FACE HAD HIS FAKE BACK INJURY AND WAS COLLETING FROM THE MASS BAY TRANSPORTATION AUTHORITY I HELPED SHOVEL OUT HIS WIFE IN A GOD DAM BLIZZARD AH I DONT CARE ANYMORE I AM JUST GOING TO TELL HONEY PIE THE MOWER WAS STOLEN BY A BONE HEAD WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO CHASE HIM AND GET SHOT.
BOYS MY WIFE JUST WENT CRAZY ON ME SHE WANTS TO KNOW HOW A 43 YEAR OLD MAN COULD LEAVE THE LAWN HALF DONE THEN GO ON HIS COMPUTER AND TALK TO A BUNCH OF FOOLS AS OUR LAWNMOWER IS BEING STOLEN.I AM DUE 1300 DOLLARS FOR ALLOWANCES AND BUSINESS EXPENSES THE 1ST OF THE MONTH.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IS THERE A SPORTSBOOK WHO WILL ACCEPT MY 1300 DOLLARS BUT HERES THE CATCH I WANT THE FULL 1300 FOR GAMBLING PURPOSES BUT I WANT TO KNOW IF A SPORTSBOOK WOULD TAKE MY BONUS MONEY AND HAVE HOME DEPOT DELIVER A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON LAWNMOWER SO I CAN PUT IT ON MY BOOKS AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE SO HONEY PIE WILL STOP YELLING AT ME.I KNOW DEAR I AM SORRY HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT DUMB F-CK NEXT DOOR WOULD LET A COLORED GUY STEAL OUR LAWNMOWER DONT WORRY DEAR I WILL BUY A NEW ONE OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE I AM TALKING TO A SHRINK.
I SEND OURT 1500 DOLLARS COLD CASH I GET 20% BONUS I FULLFILL ALL THE REQUIREMENTS.ALL I ASK IS THAT A LAWNMOWER IS BOUT WITH THE 250 DOLLAR BONUS MONEY.I JUST WENT TO HOME DEPOT I CAN GET A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON FOR 149.99 WITH TAX 152.99 AND THE DELIVERY FEE IS 20.00 DOLLARS SO ALL I AM ASKING FOR IS A NEW LAWNMOWER AND WE HAVE A DEAL.THIS COULD BE THE START OF SOMETHING NEW OFFSHORE THE PLAYERS ASK FOR A GIFT INSTEAD OF THE BONUS MONEY.THINK ABOUT IT SPORTSBOOKS INSTEAD OF SENDING THE GUYS 300 DOLLARS IN BONUS MONEY YOU COULD BUY THEM A NEW BIG BERTHA DRIVER AND EVERYBODY ID HAPPY I REALLY LIKE THIS CONCEPT.THE GAMBLER PLAYS OF HIS INITIAL DEPOSIT AND THE BONUS MONEY GOES FOR A GIFT.O.K. I WILL TAKE BROWNIE FOR A WALK DEAR JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE SHRINK WOW THE LOOK SHE JUST GAVE ME.SO THINK ABOUT IT FELLAS I HAVE TO RUN OUT AGAIN MAN THIS DOG IS GETTING TO BE A PAIN IN THE ARSE
WELL BOYS MY WIFE AND I JUST RETURNED FROM THE HOME DEPOT WE ARE NOW PROUD OWNERS OF THE (HONDA TORO RECYCLER LAWNWOWER 6.5 ENGINE)I DONT LIKE TO BRAG BUT AS OF 9.40 TONIGHT BEANTOWNJIM NOW OWNS THE ROLLS ROYCE OF LAWNMOWERS I CANT BELIEVE HOW NICE THIS IS.MY WIFE TOLD ME TO PUT IT IN THE GARAGE I SAID ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS F-CKING RUSSIAN NEXT DOOR THIS MOWER IS GOING IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL I GET A LOCK FOR THIS BEAUTY.THE SALESMAN ASKED MY WIFE AND I WHEN YOU GO TO WATCH THE RED SOX WHATS THE FIRST THING THAT ENTERS YOUR MIND.MY WIFE SAID THE WALL STICKS OUT SHE CANT BELIEVE HOW HIGH IT IS,THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS TO ME HOW ABOUT YOU JIM I SAID WELL I FIRST LOOK AT THE BROADS SELLING THE BEER JUST KIDDING MY WIFE PINCHES ME TO STOP THEN I SAID THE FIRST THING I LOOK AT IS THE GIANT SCOREBOARD IN CENTER FIELD.THE SALESMAN SAY WRONG ANSWER FOLKS DO YOU SEE HOW WELL CUT THE INFIELD IS AROUND THE MOUND I SAID NO NOT REALLY THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS NEXT TIME YOU GO LOOK AND SEE AND THEN YOU WILL REALIZE JUST HOW GOOD THIS LAWNMOWER YOU ARE GOING TO BUY IS.I LOOKED AT MY WIFE AND SAID WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS NUT HE REALLY TAKES HIS MOWERS SERIOUSLY.HE SAID JOE MOONEY THE HEAD GROUNDSKEEPER AT FENWAY PARK USES THE EXACT SAME LAWNMOWER YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BUY DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID JIM JOE MOONEY FROM FENWAY PARK USES THE (HONDA 6.5 TORO LAWNMOWER TO CUT FENWAY PARKS INFIELD.WOW BOYS I NOW OWN THE SAME LAWNMOWER AS JOE MOONEY THIS IS AN AMAZING HONOR.BOYS AS I WAS GOING TO BUY THIS FLOOR MODEL I SAVED 59 DOLLARS PLUS IT WAS ALREADY ASSEMBLED. THE NIGERIAN CASHIER SAYS WOW THATS A NICE MOWER I DONT KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME BUT I SAID YEH AND KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF IT.THE POOR KID LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS A GOD DAM WHITE SUPREMIST MY WIFE ALSO SAID SHE WILL NEVER GO TO HOME DEPOT WITH ME AGAIN I AM AN EMBARRASSMENT WHO THINKS HES FUNNY.THIS MOWER COST ME A PRETTY PENNY BOYS RETAIL 369 BUCKS AND IT COMES WITH A JOE MOONEY AUTOGRAPH I PAID 275.99 BECAUSE IT WAS RIGHT OFF THE FLOOR AND IT HAD A SMALL DENT.I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT I AM STAYING UP PROTECTING THE LAWNMOWER EVEN THOUGH ITS IN MY LIVING ROOM I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH THE RUSSIAN SPY NEXT DOOR.I CANT WAIT TO SEE YURIS FACE WHEN I BREAK OUT THE ROLLS TOMORROW MORNING I AM CUTTING THE GRASS AT 6.30 AM JUST SO I CAN WAKE UP THAT F-CKING RUSSIAN HE WILL SAY WHAT THE F-CK IS ALL THAT NOISE THEN I WANT HIM TO LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW AND SEE MY NEW LAWNMOWER.I CAN SEE HIS BIG STUPID FACE HALF ASLEEP LOOKING OUT AND ME WAVING SEE THIS LAWNMOWER YURI ITS MINE AND DONT EVER LET ANOTHER NIGERIAN ON MY PROPERTY O.K. NOW GO BANG YOUR OLD LADY BEFORE I DO
IF ANYBODY IS AT THE HOME DEPOT SOMETIME HAVE A LOOK AT JOE MOONEYS MOWER ITS THE HONDA TORO 6.5 RECYCLER MAN I CANT WAIT TO STARTN THIS BABY UP.
Hey BTJ you still have that mower? That salesman was lying, what groundscrewman uses a pushmower on a ballfield?
NO IT WASNT A SPORTSBOOK THIS TIME I JUST TOOK A BREAK FROM CUTTING MY GRASS SO I HAVE BEEN IN THE HOUSE NOW FOR 45 MINUTES.MY F-CKING LAWNMOWER HAS BEEN STOLEN JESUS CHRIST I AM F-CKING PISSED,I ASKED YURI NEXT DOOR AND HE SAID HE SAW SOME COLORED KID PUT IT INTO HIS TRUCK HE THOUGHT I WAS LETTING HIM USE IT.JESUS F-CKING CHRIST THESE F-CKING RUSSIANS ARE DUMB MOTHER F-CKERS YEH RIGHT LIKE I AM GOING TO LET A NUBIAN USE MY LAWNMOWER ITS GONE GUYS HOW DO I TELL MY WIFE I WAS POSTING IN THE RX AND SOME NIGERIAN STOLE OUR LAWNMOWER SHE WILL THINK I AM GOING BONKERS.THE LAWNMOWER IS 3 YEARS OLD ITS NOT THE MONEY ITS THE FACT THAT MY F-CKING STUPID RUSSIAN NEIGHBOR SAW A NIGERIAN STEAL MY MOWER AND HE JUST STANDS THERE THANKS A F-CKING LOT YURI.THE FRONT OF THE YARD IS HALF DONE NOW WHAT DO I DO.WHY ARE PEOPLE SO STUPID SOMEBODY PLEASE ANSWER ME THIS.I CANT BELIEVE IT I DONT LIKE TO GET ROBBED EVEN IF IT WAS A 6 PACK OF MY CORONAS ITS THE FACT THAT A LITTLE F-CKING BONE HEAD WALKED ONTO MY PROPERTY AND STOLE MY LAWNMOWER WHAT F-CKING BALLS.I CAN SEE IT NOW JIM HOW COME YOU DIDNT FINISH THE LAWN TODAY WELL HONEY I WENT IN TO TALK TO THE SHRINK,SICK GAMBLER,DIMEPLAYERONLY,AND LOU DIAMOND THEN WHEN I WENT BACK OUTSIDE SOMEBODY STOLE THE MOWER,I THINK SHE WILL HAVE ME COMMITTED TO THE MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTION OF MENTAL PATIENTS BOYS HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN TO HER I TOOK A BREAK TO GO ON THE INTERNET TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF MIS FITS AND THE MOWER WAS STOLEN,THATS IT NO ALLOWANCE AGAIN THIS WEEK ILL HAVE TO GO BUY A NEW LAWNMOWER AND MY WIFE WILL DEDUCT IT FROM MY WEEKLY SALARY.WHY DO I COME INTO THIS FORUM EVERYTIME I DO SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS.
BOYS I HOPE YOU NEVER HAVE RUSSIAN NEIGHBORS MAN THEY ARE THE DUMBEST PEOPLE ON EARTH I SAW A BLACK KID TAKE THE MOWER I THOUGHT HE WAS A FRIEND OF YOURS F-CK YOU YURI
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE A ASKED MY GOOD BUDDY BOBBY WHO I HAVED KNOWN FOR 10 YEARS HE LIVES 3 HOUSES AWAY IF I COULD BORROW HIS LAWNMOWER TO FINISH THE YARD.HE SAY JEEZ JIM YOU KNOW I WOULD LIKE TO HELP YOU OUT BUT I NEED A NEW SPARK PLUG ITS NOT WORKING.I LEFT SAYING THANKS AGAIN STONE FACE THIS IS WHAT MY WIFE CALLS BOBBY BUT I KNOW HE IS FULL OF SH-T I SAW HIM CUTTING HIS LAWN SATURDAY AFTERNOON,BOY YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW YOUR F-CKING NEIGHBORS WHEN YOU NEED A FAVOR.LAST YEAR WHEN STONE FACE HAD HIS FAKE BACK INJURY AND WAS COLLETING FROM THE MASS BAY TRANSPORTATION AUTHORITY I HELPED SHOVEL OUT HIS WIFE IN A GOD DAM BLIZZARD AH I DONT CARE ANYMORE I AM JUST GOING TO TELL HONEY PIE THE MOWER WAS STOLEN BY A BONE HEAD WHAT DID YOU WANT ME TO DO CHASE HIM AND GET SHOT.
BOYS MY WIFE JUST WENT CRAZY ON ME SHE WANTS TO KNOW HOW A 43 YEAR OLD MAN COULD LEAVE THE LAWN HALF DONE THEN GO ON HIS COMPUTER AND TALK TO A BUNCH OF FOOLS AS OUR LAWNMOWER IS BEING STOLEN.I AM DUE 1300 DOLLARS FOR ALLOWANCES AND BUSINESS EXPENSES THE 1ST OF THE MONTH.
I KNOW THIS SOUNDS CRAZY BUT IS THERE A SPORTSBOOK WHO WILL ACCEPT MY 1300 DOLLARS BUT HERES THE CATCH I WANT THE FULL 1300 FOR GAMBLING PURPOSES BUT I WANT TO KNOW IF A SPORTSBOOK WOULD TAKE MY BONUS MONEY AND HAVE HOME DEPOT DELIVER A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON LAWNMOWER SO I CAN PUT IT ON MY BOOKS AS A BUSINESS EXPENSE SO HONEY PIE WILL STOP YELLING AT ME.I KNOW DEAR I AM SORRY HOW WAS I TO KNOW THAT DUMB F-CK NEXT DOOR WOULD LET A COLORED GUY STEAL OUR LAWNMOWER DONT WORRY DEAR I WILL BUY A NEW ONE OUT OF MY ALLOWANCE NOW LEAVE ME ALONE I AM TALKING TO A SHRINK.
I SEND OURT 1500 DOLLARS COLD CASH I GET 20% BONUS I FULLFILL ALL THE REQUIREMENTS.ALL I ASK IS THAT A LAWNMOWER IS BOUT WITH THE 250 DOLLAR BONUS MONEY.I JUST WENT TO HOME DEPOT I CAN GET A BRAND NEW BRIGGS AND STRATTON FOR 149.99 WITH TAX 152.99 AND THE DELIVERY FEE IS 20.00 DOLLARS SO ALL I AM ASKING FOR IS A NEW LAWNMOWER AND WE HAVE A DEAL.THIS COULD BE THE START OF SOMETHING NEW OFFSHORE THE PLAYERS ASK FOR A GIFT INSTEAD OF THE BONUS MONEY.THINK ABOUT IT SPORTSBOOKS INSTEAD OF SENDING THE GUYS 300 DOLLARS IN BONUS MONEY YOU COULD BUY THEM A NEW BIG BERTHA DRIVER AND EVERYBODY ID HAPPY I REALLY LIKE THIS CONCEPT.THE GAMBLER PLAYS OF HIS INITIAL DEPOSIT AND THE BONUS MONEY GOES FOR A GIFT.O.K. I WILL TAKE BROWNIE FOR A WALK DEAR JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THE SHRINK WOW THE LOOK SHE JUST GAVE ME.SO THINK ABOUT IT FELLAS I HAVE TO RUN OUT AGAIN MAN THIS DOG IS GETTING TO BE A PAIN IN THE ARSE
WELL BOYS MY WIFE AND I JUST RETURNED FROM THE HOME DEPOT WE ARE NOW PROUD OWNERS OF THE (HONDA TORO RECYCLER LAWNWOWER 6.5 ENGINE)I DONT LIKE TO BRAG BUT AS OF 9.40 TONIGHT BEANTOWNJIM NOW OWNS THE ROLLS ROYCE OF LAWNMOWERS I CANT BELIEVE HOW NICE THIS IS.MY WIFE TOLD ME TO PUT IT IN THE GARAGE I SAID ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS F-CKING RUSSIAN NEXT DOOR THIS MOWER IS GOING IN THE LIVING ROOM UNTIL I GET A LOCK FOR THIS BEAUTY.THE SALESMAN ASKED MY WIFE AND I WHEN YOU GO TO WATCH THE RED SOX WHATS THE FIRST THING THAT ENTERS YOUR MIND.MY WIFE SAID THE WALL STICKS OUT SHE CANT BELIEVE HOW HIGH IT IS,THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS TO ME HOW ABOUT YOU JIM I SAID WELL I FIRST LOOK AT THE BROADS SELLING THE BEER JUST KIDDING MY WIFE PINCHES ME TO STOP THEN I SAID THE FIRST THING I LOOK AT IS THE GIANT SCOREBOARD IN CENTER FIELD.THE SALESMAN SAY WRONG ANSWER FOLKS DO YOU SEE HOW WELL CUT THE INFIELD IS AROUND THE MOUND I SAID NO NOT REALLY THEN THE SALESMAN SAYS NEXT TIME YOU GO LOOK AND SEE AND THEN YOU WILL REALIZE JUST HOW GOOD THIS LAWNMOWER YOU ARE GOING TO BUY IS.I LOOKED AT MY WIFE AND SAID WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH THIS NUT HE REALLY TAKES HIS MOWERS SERIOUSLY.HE SAID JOE MOONEY THE HEAD GROUNDSKEEPER AT FENWAY PARK USES THE EXACT SAME LAWNMOWER YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO BUY DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID JIM JOE MOONEY FROM FENWAY PARK USES THE (HONDA 6.5 TORO LAWNMOWER TO CUT FENWAY PARKS INFIELD.WOW BOYS I NOW OWN THE SAME LAWNMOWER AS JOE MOONEY THIS IS AN AMAZING HONOR.BOYS AS I WAS GOING TO BUY THIS FLOOR MODEL I SAVED 59 DOLLARS PLUS IT WAS ALREADY ASSEMBLED. THE NIGERIAN CASHIER SAYS WOW THATS A NICE MOWER I DONT KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME BUT I SAID YEH AND KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF IT.THE POOR KID LOOKED AT ME LIKE I WAS A GOD DAM WHITE SUPREMIST MY WIFE ALSO SAID SHE WILL NEVER GO TO HOME DEPOT WITH ME AGAIN I AM AN EMBARRASSMENT WHO THINKS HES FUNNY.THIS MOWER COST ME A PRETTY PENNY BOYS RETAIL 369 BUCKS AND IT COMES WITH A JOE MOONEY AUTOGRAPH I PAID 275.99 BECAUSE IT WAS RIGHT OFF THE FLOOR AND IT HAD A SMALL DENT.I WONT BE ABLE TO SLEEP TONIGHT I AM STAYING UP PROTECTING THE LAWNMOWER EVEN THOUGH ITS IN MY LIVING ROOM I AM NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES WITH THE RUSSIAN SPY NEXT DOOR.I CANT WAIT TO SEE YURIS FACE WHEN I BREAK OUT THE ROLLS TOMORROW MORNING I AM CUTTING THE GRASS AT 6.30 AM JUST SO I CAN WAKE UP THAT F-CKING RUSSIAN HE WILL SAY WHAT THE F-CK IS ALL THAT NOISE THEN I WANT HIM TO LOOK OUT HIS WINDOW AND SEE MY NEW LAWNMOWER.I CAN SEE HIS BIG STUPID FACE HALF ASLEEP LOOKING OUT AND ME WAVING SEE THIS LAWNMOWER YURI ITS MINE AND DONT EVER LET ANOTHER NIGERIAN ON MY PROPERTY O.K. NOW GO BANG YOUR OLD LADY BEFORE I DO
IF ANYBODY IS AT THE HOME DEPOT SOMETIME HAVE A LOOK AT JOE MOONEYS MOWER ITS THE HONDA TORO 6.5 RECYCLER MAN I CANT WAIT TO STARTN THIS BABY UP.
Hey BTJ you still have that mower? That salesman was lying, what groundscrewman uses a pushmower on a ballfield?
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