A mans's wife was dying. he was by her bedside. She said in a tired voice, "Theres something i must confess." "Shhh" her husband said, "theres nothing to confess. Everythings alright." "No i must die in peace. I had sex with your brother, your best friend, his best friend and your father!" "I know," he whispered "Thats why i poisoned you, now close your eyes!!"
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first.
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoo fy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
A nun feels guilty and goes to confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest says, "That's not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels."
How can you tell that a female bartender is really mad at you?
There's a white string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
What do you call a Mexican after a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez!
A guy walks into a bar and sees a dog lying in the corner licking his balls. He turns to the bartender and says, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The Bartender replies, "You'd better try petting him first.
Son - "Dad whats the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad - "Hmm. You are my son. Of that I am confident. Your friend Timmy is also my son. That's confidential."
During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:
MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoo fy
When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.
A nun feels guilty and goes to confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit."
The priest says, "That's not so serious, Sister. Just say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels."
How can you tell that a female bartender is really mad at you?
There's a white string hanging out of your Bloody Mary.
What do you call a Mexican after a vasectomy?
A dry Martinez!
