Reload's "I Ain't Big Time?!" contest for Valentine's Day (Win 50 SBR Points!)

[Reload]

Post your best "I Ain't Big Time?!" story in this thread from now until Monday. The winning post will be judged based on feedback from others in the thread.

First prize is 50 SBR Points and I'll try to give out a few "honorable mention" consolations.

Are you big time?! Let's see!

[BIGDAY]

Crap! My User Name should have been BIGTIME...

[Ninersnut]

I am not big time. End of story.

[pinchylarue]

I scrounge change sometimes in order to make bets. gerorge costanza style

[mighty maron]

Once I have collected 280 cans to make a minimum CC deposit on a book

[ouman101]

I inspire to be like "I ain't Big Time" Patty Bateman.....NOT!!

[THE PROFIT]

I bathe in pure grain alcohol

I mentor men in how to make love to a woman & discipline small puppies

[Ian]

Not sure what a "I ain't big time story" is exactly, but I'll toss this one out anyway...

Around this time of year when I was a sophomore in college my roommate and I decided to grab dinner at a TGI Fridays. When we got there the place was packed, and when we sat down we got very strange looks from the other customers. I went to school in the south, and we were getting definite heat from the cowboy hat/ pickup truck demographic. When we ordered the waitress asked us if we wanted our meals served on the same plate. About 10 minutes in my roommate finally figured it out. We had gone out to eat on Valentine's Day.

[Casperwaits]

I am guessing this has to be a Valentines Day story. Here it goes.

About 14 years ago I was a buyer for a record chain in Manhattan. My boss was a HUGE gambler. He would bet in the tens of thousands. his father owned the business, so he had $$ to piss away. Anyway, he would pay me and let me bet through his guys when I ran errands for him to and from Wall Street. At onde time, i was making bets of excess of $7000 a day.

One week I had hit it big and went out to celebrate with a friend at a bar called "Politically Incorrect". This bar (now closed) was a hole in the wall, but I had ran into a girl there a week before who was EXTREMELY cute and we had built a rapport. My boy and I get there and she happens to be there. I pull out my wad of cash and order a round of drinks for the bar.

Ten minutes later, she leaves the bar, says she is going to be back and I should wait. So I did.

Ten minutes pass, and the girl comes back in. We resume our conversation, when all of a sudden I hear a gate closing. The gate to the bar. I than hear voices to put our hands on the bar. I turn my head to see DEA agents with weapons swarm the bar. It was a drug bust!

I was dumb as a young guy. I didn't do drugs very much and I thought it was all a light hearted situation. I continued to talk to the girl and drink my drink (with my hands on the bar). One agent pushed my drink away from my lips. I mentioned I had paid for that drink. He did not find that funny.

DEA broke down a wall in the mens room that happened to be a hidden room where cocaine was being dealt. My friend, who worked with me, was carrying a box cutter (for cutting work boxes) and a fist full of 20's. He had just got paid and he was Hispanic. They kept him for longer questioning. They had let me and the girl go. As my friend was now against a wall, I asked the girl if she would like to grab a drink somewhere else. She said yes.

As we hit a country bar up the street for a drink. I came to find out she was undercover and she had been in belief that I was a dealer because of the bank roll i had in my pocket the week before and this week. She never took the gambling angle into account (nor did i explain it to her). Eventually my friend was released and the girl and I made out. I never saw her again after that night. I think she made out with me because she felt bad about the false accusation.

I ended up hitting a bar on the lower east side, doing shots out of a girls pussy for $20 a pop. My boy was shaken, but he was so innocent, it only took him a drink or 6 to calm down. All in all a decent Valentine's Day that could have ended a lot more boring.

[Robber]

hmmmm i dont have any valentines day stories

bol

[manny24]

let's face it if you have not almost fukked your aunt last night then you ain't big time...contest over.

[Reload]

Doesn't have to be Valentine's Day but if you have one, that works guys. Really any "I Ain't Big Time?!" story would be great to share.

[saints7011]

I aint big time cause I'll be spending my valentines watching "to catch a predator" marathon...

points please...

[mdemps9190]

great story casperwaits

[ttwarrior1]

uh who said this was supposed to be valentines stories, its not

[THE PROFIT]

I aint big time cause I'll be spending my valentines watching "to catch a predator" marathon...

points please...

I aint big time because I will be in episode 7

[stefan084]

I aint big time because I will be in episode 7

[B1GER1C828]

I aint big time because I will be in episode 7

funniest thing ive read all day. hahahahah

[mikejamm]

I aint big time, I'll be spending my Valentines day in the fuk'in SBR Casino try'in to win a lousy 15 damn points to play poker! There ya go short and fuk'in sweet!

[hubie69]

Vegas last year for the tourney. Two bastard kids in front of my lay 50 bucks on 3 games. I dropped 2G's on Kstate, second round (which they covered). Two kids in front of me are like "Holy shit! That guys is BIG FUKKIN TIME!!".
I step over to the next empty slot down to look at my ticket to be sure it's right. The dude in back of my steps up and god "Give me K-state, 10,000". Here I was big time if only for a brief moment. Then the jacka$$ in back of me stole my thunder.

[ttwarrior1]

I aint big time because at the age of 26 i was hauling hay and my mom took my money and said she was going to save it for me because i would end up blowing it all.

That night I came up with a plan to get that money out of her purse. I waited till she fell asleep and then because of creeks in the floor. I had to slowly crawl to next to the bedroom. I then got on the floor and moved inch by inch by inch.

I moved about an inch every 2 or 3 minutes on my stomach and finally i got to her purse.
Then it happened. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM

I let out the loudest fart you would ever hear. She then woke up and said wtf is going on. I then tried to play it off and said a ball rolled under the bed and i was retreiving it. I then got up and went back to my room

[billyloco]

In 1987 I was running a 7-eleven in Ft Lauderdale FL and this young kid of 17 came in the night b4 Valentines Day and gave me a fancy wrapped box and asked if I would give it to my oldest daughter who he went to school with but was too shy to do it himself....I took it home that night and laid it on the dining room table and went to bed. My daughter opened the gift in front of her grandparents, 2 uncles & their wives at a Valentines party my wife had...it contained edible panties...the name was phony on the box and I never saw that kid again...but he had brass balls...lol!!

[THE PROFIT]

I aint big time because at the age of 26 i was hauling hay and my mom took my money and said she was going to save it for me because i would end up blowing it all.

That night I came up with a plan to get that money out of her purse. I waited till she fell asleep and then because of creeks in the floor. I had to slowly crawl to next to the bedroom. I then got on the floor and moved inch by inch by inch.

I moved about an inch every 2 or 3 minutes on my stomach and finally i got to her purse.
Then it happened. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM

I let out the loudest fart you would ever hear. She then woke up and said wtf is going on. I then tried to play it off and said a ball rolled under the bed and i was retreiving it. I then got up and went back to my room

you've told this story before.

I cant believe you told it again

[HotStreak]

"I aint big time"


When I pull up to the valet, I toss him the keys to the car, and tell him to keep it.

[mikejamm]

I aint big time because at the age of 26 i was hauling hay and my mom took my money and said she was going to save it for me because i would end up blowing it all. That night I came up with a plan to get that money out of her purse. I waited till she fell asleep and then because of creeks in the floor. I had to slowly crawl to next to the bedroom. I then got on the floor and moved inch by inch by inch. I moved about an inch every 2 or 3 minutes on my stomach and finally i got to her purse. Then it happened. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMM I let out the loudest fart you would ever hear. She then woke up and said wtf is going on. I then tried to play it off and said a ball rolled under the bed and i was retreiving it. I then got up and went back to my room

you've told this story before. I cant believe you told it again

Yeah at least come up with another original fake story douche bag!

[tofuman]

but jj is big time

[goofyre]

"I aint big time"


When I pull up to the valet, I toss him the keys to the car, and tell him to keep it.

Winner.

[ouman101]

Since I'm not quite sure what your looking for here reload, I'll just throw one out there:

Back when I was 18, one night me, my buddy and this chick (one of his neighbors) were hanging out in his parents basement, drinking beer, bullshitting, etc. My buddies dad delivers pharmaceuticals to nursing homes all around Ohio, and would get called at all hours of the day to go deliver them depending on if there was emergency need for them. About 1AM his dad gets a call to go deliver some and asked my buddy if he'll go with him to help him stay awake. My buddy tells me that we can just hang out at his house and that they'll be back in about an hour or so. My buddy and his dad leave, and me and the girl are just hanging out watching tv. About 15 minutes after they leave, me and the chick start messing around, thinking that his mom is asleep and that there's no way she'll come down anyways. About 15 minutes in we're both butt naked and im fuking her over the coach, when I hear, "WHAT THE FUK.......!!!!" I turn around and see his mom standing in the room, fuking losing it. I look at the chick, laugh, and grab my shit and get the fuk out of there. The next morning my Dad wakes me up and tells me that my buddies mom called him and told him what happened. He told me that it was very disrespectful, yada yada yada....all the while he was probably thinking he would do the same thing if put in my situation.

[spargament]

Lying takes all of the fun out of this experience, when one person does it, it casts a shadow over the rest of the entries, but I'll still bare my soul.

When i was a few years younger, and ten years dumber I thought I was a wine connoisseur (yeah..right), and payed for a fake bottle of Petrus, thinking I had taken to vendor to the cleaners at the relatively cheap price of a few hundred dollars..Flash forward to a big bash at a close friend's house, I had help set up and planned on bagging a chick at the party and spending the night in an empty room (huge house, parents were gone..or so we thought)..So as the party is getting really busy ~50 kids, the crowd grows by two.

The more the merrier, right? Wrong. These two didn't quite fit in with the rest of the party's demographic. Now that could be because they were 40 to 50 something year old parents, or because their kid had essentially opened up a beautifully decorated and designed spacious house to a bunch of highschool seniors and kids who should be/were in college; regardless, I had already picked up the girl I planned on staying with, alas I found the room i was staying in to get more acquainted. Now keep in mind this girl wasn't a drinker, more into the buds.. She sees what is in my mind a bottle of wine worth at least a couple thousand, and immediately starts laughing. She tells me that it's not just a fake, but an obvious one at that (to this day I have no idea how she knew because...), all of a sudden the door is kicked in (as it was locked) by my good friend's dad, whom I had a cordial relationship with. Panicky, I had no clue what excuse to make up as to why I was a part of the party/defiling his house, and thankfully I didn't need one. As the girl put her clothes back on in the bathroom nearby, he walks toward the bottle, picks it up (it's now uncorked and 4/5 full) and pours it down the drain (my countenance changing to one of horror) once the girl makes it out of the bathroom humiliated and running for the door. I believe the next words were, "For a dumb naked bitch, she was right. This is the fakest piece of shit I've ever seen Mr. Big Time!" and slowly but surely with the corner of his nail started peeling the label off the bottle. He points to a wine stain on the carpet in the room and says, "what the ****", I stammer along the lines of, "uh...I was drunk..my bad". He then points to my dad's car I wasn't supposed to have been driving in his driveway (can't turn down a chance to drive luxury german auto), with the back of the trunk clearly scratched from the window, points at his own german luxury automobile that had clearly rear ended the one I drove that night, responds "yea.. me too." then proceeds to leave the room.

In conclusion: humiliated at least 3 times, bought a fake (and expensive relative to the ACTUAL quality) bottle of wine that was obvious to apparently everyone but me, lost my chance with a fine female specimen, got walked in on, got the bottle poured out in front of me, and now had to explain to MY dad why there was damage to HIS luxury sedan caused by the drunk/pissed off father of a friend of mine, who happened to be a REAL wine connoisseur (literally).

I planned the whole night kinda differently.

[Reload]

Still some more time for this guys. Anyone have their choice for a winner so far?

[opie1988]

I ain't Big Time??

I already made a thread about this...but I'm going to post it here too, simply because I want those 50 points!

I had a very unreal and lucky experience this year to attend the Super Bowl in style. A lifelong friend of mine is kind of a bigshot in the TV world.....and he was able to get us all kinds of hooked up for all the festivities.....and the best part is....the whole trip never cost me a dime!

We stayed 3 nights at the Bud Light Hotel in downtown Dallas. Great rooms, and an unbelievable bar in the lobby. Anheuser-Busch took over the entire place, so the only people staying here were VIP guests. I saw Barry Sanders, Ryan Howard, Darelle Revis, etc.... all staying right down the hall from my room. Friday night before the game we had invites to the Playboy Super Bowl Party. Lots of playmates and big-time athletes. It was actually a fairly small setting, so everyone who was there was very accessible and great to talk too. Snoop Dogg played, and although I'm not a huge fan of his....it was cool to see him in such a small venue. Sat nite was the Budweiser party. It was basically the same as the nite before, with Nelly and Keisha performing. I like Nelly, and he put on a great show.
The day of the game we headed to the ESPN tailgate party, which to be honest, wasn't all that great. OchoCinco was there, as well as a few others, but the food kinda sucked, and it was a little bit of a bore.

The game was awesome. We watched the entire thing from Anheuser-Busch's suite, which is on the Hall of Fame level (about 20 rows up) on the 40 yd line. There was only about 12 people in the entire suite, one of which was Kevin Harvick. You wouldn't believe the spread they put out for this game. Prime Rib, Shrimp, etc.... Each suite has a private bathroom and fully stocked bar. I guess this is part of what you get when you drop a million bucks.

Like I said, the whole event was almost surreal. This is the first Super Bowl I've ever attended, and to see it like this is obviously a chance of a lifetime.

I don't consider myself exactly "Big Time"......but, at least for this Super Bowl weekend......it sure felt like I was!!

Me & Kevin Harvick

Me & Bill Simmons aka The Sports Guy from ESPN

Couple of Playmates

Me & Kenny Mayne

....the wife

OchoCinco

Ryan Howard

[zam77]

Opie... "Class can walk with kings and keeps its' virtue, and talk with crowds and keep the common touch"... you seem like a class act fella... and yes... you are big time.

[opie1988]

Opie... "Class can walk with kings and keeps its' virtue, and talk with crowds and keep the common touch"... you seem like a class act fella... and yes... you are big time.

Thanks, pal.

Back at 'ya....

[Reload]

Last call, guys! Any other stories?

[stevenash]