NBA To Begin Charging For Free Throws

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  • acarmelo1
    SBR Hall of Famer
    • 09-29-09
    • 6321

    #1
    NBA To Begin Charging For Free Throws
    With nearly half his league’s teams reeling from massive operating losses, NBA commissioner David Stern today declared that he would begin charging both players and fans for free throws.
    “It’s an unfortunate result of our economic climate,” said Stern. “Right now, many of our teams are simply not generating the kind of revenue needed to preserve competitive balance within the league.”
    Stern went on to blame the massive revenue losses on NBA players, whom he said earn a disproportionate amount of money in relation to league grosses, as well as NBA fans, who have declined to watch subpar teams such as the Grizzlies, Nets, Grizzlies, Wizards, and Grizzlies.
    “This league was built on fans,” Stern said. “Without their support, we suffer. So really, it’s their fault.”
    According to the new rules, any player who is fouled will face a surcharge before stepping to the free throw line (which will now be renamed the throw line). Fees will be based on a percentage of the player’s salary. Players making more will be charged more for the right to shoot two throws. If the player cannot afford the surcharge, the throws will be counted as missed and the fouling team will regain possession. Players such as Kobe Bryant, who is fouled nearly 20 times a game, are expected to lose tens of thousands of dollars per game.
    Further, fans in attendance will be charged ten cents apiece for each throw. Fans watching at home will see the surcharge appear added to their cable bill.
    Fans around the nation were outraged by the announcement.
    “This is a disgrace,” said Knicks fan Mike Chester. “If Dick Bavetta is doing a game, I’ll be flat broke by the halftime.
    But Stern defended the new practice.
    “These throws have been free for far too long,” said Stern. “We have to diversify our revenue streams, and this is one of the least invasive ways of doing it.”
    Stern also announced that Dick Bavetta will now officiate every NBA game in perpetuity.


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  • Tsoprano
    BARRELED IN @ SBR!
    • 04-14-08
    • 26374

    #2



    They would of made a killing back in the days when Shaq drew a foul everytime he was anywhere near someone on the court. Crooken zebras handed LA the title via fouling out the entire Kings team.
    Comment
    • acarmelo1
      SBR Hall of Famer
      • 09-29-09
      • 6321

      #3
      Originally posted by Tsoprano



      They would of made a killing back in the days when Shaq drew a foul everytime he was anywhere near someone on the court. Crooken zebras handed LA the title via fouling out the entire Kings team.
      back in the days, shaq will have gone broke
      Comment
      • yisman
        SBR Aristocracy
        • 09-01-08
        • 75682

        #4
        just read this Saturday. I'm a regular Sports Pickle reader.
        [quote=jjgold;5683305]I win again like usual
        [/quote]

        [quote=Whippit;7921056]miami won't lose a single eastern conference game through end of season[/quote]
        Comment
        • dwaechte
          SBR Hall of Famer
          • 08-27-07
          • 5481

          #5
          Does Gallo still run this or did he sell it off? I'm too lazy to look it up.
          Comment
          • yisman
            SBR Aristocracy
            • 09-01-08
            • 75682

            #6
            DJ Gallo is the owner and sole writer.

            He also writes for Page 2.

            Pretty impressive for one guy to do so many pieces each week.
            [quote=jjgold;5683305]I win again like usual
            [/quote]

            [quote=Whippit;7921056]miami won't lose a single eastern conference game through end of season[/quote]
            Comment
            • fsugolf
              SBR Hall of Famer
              • 07-17-09
              • 6194

              #7
              sportspickle is like the onion magazine i take it?
              Comment
              • blueghost
                SBR MVP
                • 09-11-09
                • 1715

                #8
                Click image for larger version

Name:	images (39).jpg
Views:	1
Size:	2.8 KB
ID:	29099217love it
                Comment
                • yisman
                  SBR Aristocracy
                  • 09-01-08
                  • 75682

                  #9
                  Originally posted by fsugolf
                  sportspickle is like the onion magazine i take it?
                  yeah, it's satire
                  [quote=jjgold;5683305]I win again like usual
                  [/quote]

                  [quote=Whippit;7921056]miami won't lose a single eastern conference game through end of season[/quote]
                  Comment
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