Classic JJGold posts for those that may have missed them

raiders72002 · 01-18-10, 10:03 PM

Long but worth it.

Boys it was such a weird experience meeting these 3 clowns last night at the track. I mean it was like I was on Earth and the other three were on fukkin Mars or in their own worlds. It starts out like real normal and we all are shaking hands, ect. I call the guys whatever name comes to my head like hey Danny, hey Rod, ect. So it goes all well there and then we proceed to our seats.

Now this guy Raisencain must be a bigshot there because he gets us the best seats in the house in a reserved box and has food already paid before we even it. What a class act and a generous guy. More later on this guy and the Nut he really turned out to be. I thought we were there to bet some races and talk a little but mainly gamble. I have fukkin roll of a sharks cash in my pocket ready to bet big numbers at Penn National but little did I know it was like the twilight zone instead.

We start with Total Square and this guy has 2 cell phones, 1 pager and get this a mini pocket fukkin web browser!!!! I thought he would want to get away for a night without all the tecno ****, ect. I would try and ask this guy “who do you like in the 2nd at Penn National and I had to ask him 4 fukiin times until he heard me and get this his reply was” It is all business JJ”” I had no fukkin clue if this guy was smoking weed or drinking. He did not hear a fukkin word I said. All he did was go on the pocket browser and stare at his sportspager all night and made a few calls in between. I waited like 20 minutes and this guy did not say word to any of us so I say to him “hey TS how is Bowmans”? I swear again he goes “JJ it is all business” I am just looking at this guy in bewilderment. I do of know what to make of him and he talks to me like he never hears a word I say(common theme developing boys) . This happens 7 times throughout the night when I tried to ask him a question and I kept getting the same answer. I say *** this clown and let me move on to Mjulian.

This Julian character always looks really concerned and is a deep thinker. When I would ask him something the look I would get is one of cloudiness and concern. He just starred at me kind of and then get this boys carries his fukkin bank books in his shirt pocket!!! He says to me” JJ I got 42 dimes in the bank.” It came out of the blue and had nothing to do what I was asking him. I do not give a *** how much this clown has in the bank, ect. I came here to talk to these guys about gambling and stuff and it appears they are in another fukkin world!! I then ask him “hey Julian what books do you use?” He then proceeds to tell me in 7 years he will be worth 450 Dimes. I am saying under my breathe “who gives a ***, this guy is nuts and out there”. He had to look at his bank books 20 times during the course of the night and kept shaking his head when he looked at it. He also sometimes would just yell out to the crowd “ All Rise” in a real deep voice like an opera singer and it was embarassing because everyone would stare at us. Again what the *** was on his mind??? I was starting to think I better get the *** out of here these guys are nuts and appeared to have snapped or something.!!!

Ok Raisencain seemed to be cool with the initial handshake and a little small talk about gambling so I figured I would pal around with this guy as we have more in common. Well boys this guy turned out to be the biggest nut and strangest character I know other than our own Peep. I would be looking at the tote board and I would hear whispers behind me in the next level of seats and it was Cain talking to some guys and he was whispering with his hand covering his mouth. I would then look back at him and he would stop suddenly and pretend to read the paper. What did this guy think?? I was born fukkin yesterday. He did not realize I was a street guy I guess . He did this all fukkin night and it was so annoying and every time I looked up at him he would stop and pretend to read the paper and like smile. This guys now I am thinking has fukkin snapped or is just nuts!!!! Boys it gets worse. Another strange thing about this guy is he always has a deck of cards in his hands and is doing tricks with them. I am shaking my head in disbelief going “what a fukkin jerkoff this guy is” and saying to my myself “what the *** am I doing here with these losers? I bet Cain always has card games going on the street and during the night when he was not whispering I asked him what was up his right sleeve because I saw something there. He pulls out a 4 of clubs and starts laughing so loud!! I swear I do not know if I should just run out of the fukkin track right then. I quietly backed away from this guy.

Ok boys time to leave and we all shake hands and **** and Mjulian puts some type of robe on (I had to turn my fukkin head and laugh because the thing was sooo ugly and outdated), Johhny (TS) get a load of this wears a fukkin tank top only in the pouring rain. I did not know what to make of it but just shake my head and praying to get the *** out. I shake hands with the two and they went their way in another direction and Cain parked in the same areas as me and he whispers to me “JJ I want to show you my car?? I am going what the ***???? Does this guy want to bang me on the side of the car??? I said what the *** if he tries something I can run and scream. He is wearing a long trench coat and a suite underneath. I thought he looked like an undertaker or something. During the walk to the car he keeps playing with this deck of cards and smiling to himself. Does this guy tell himself jokes or what?? What the ***?? Maybe he snapped???

Get to his car and boys he opens his trunk up and get a load of this….. The trunk is full of guns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! I swear I almost came in my pants!!!!! I love weapons and **** but I am discreet when I carry. I am going to Cain are you nuts??? This is a public parking lot and he is showing me all the guns he has and ****. He pulls out a brand new shotgun and shows me how to load it and cock it. He does this and starts laughing real loud and his eyes light up so much I thought he was coming. He starts pointing it at the sky and then starts yelling “Pow, Pow, Pow, Pow. That was the last fukkin straw and ran to my car and went home!!!! Sorry Cain but you have lost it.

Boys after last night I really do believe we are all sick fuks in one way or another and I mean everyone of us!!!

No more meeting posters for me, they are just tooooooooooooo far out there. I wonder why we all post day and night and live in glass houses. We are misfits and I am really starting to believe I just might be the top 5 “normal” posters here.

*** this ****

Gold

raiders72002 · 01-18-10, 10:06 PM

Day in the life of JJGold

Post #1

5:00AM Workout, jog like 5 minutes in my place, bench press a little (around 50lbs), 10 push-ups, 5 sit-ups, 10 curls (15lbs), throw the medicine ball around for another 5 or so/ .

5:45AM- Power breakfast, 2 eggs, 5 slices bacon, 10 slices tailor ham, a few sausages, glass of milk, a stick of oriole cookies

6:30 Shower and sing tunes for like a 1/2 hour. Usually then put on a jumpsuite and my chains and here is something new. I bought this shit that is suppose to make your cock grow, so I throw some if on shaft and head. It is some type of powder. I do it everyday. Finally cement rug on and comb it and inspect it a lot.

7:15AM- Hit the forum, post some shit to my pupils

7:30AM- I make some calls for early wise guy plays around the country.

8:00Am Duke this kid down the hallway to get me the racing forms and every addition.

8:15AM- Usually a big timer from newark calls me seeing what is up.
The guy is trying to get me into a 3 card monte game outside. I don't leave my pad much.

8:40 Start reasearching the net and looking for edges, looking at line services and looking for bad / weak numbers . Make a few posts

9:45AM- I call the track starters at each track I am betting and look for angles to bet. I also have a few track clockers in my back pocket so I get good shit to bet.

10:15AM- Look out the window and shit and see whats up. I usually conduct most of my biz from the window and guys stand below to get assignments. I throw out usually bazookas gums to the kids for 5 minutes and these kids go fukkin wild battling for it. A ritual we have.
Make a few posts

10:45AM- Getting edgy, early race cards getting closer. I usually go play a hold-em game ($50/$100) for like an hour. I fuk around in there chatting and trying to pick up chicks. Or if not poker usually kids cut school and we play ps2 for a while.

11:45- Will look at a few porn magazines and dream. Also watch pron for a little bit and try and learn and get Tips. Finally to cap off my sex hour I usually call the phone/chat lines ad talk to girls live and shit and they tell me what they want to do to me and everything. These girls sound really sexy too. Make a few posts

12:45 Pop some early doubles hard and get in my pick 4's. I have 4 cards usually in front of me and use only DRF paper addition

1:00 Bury some games and get good numbers. I usually move for a few Newark players too. Big lunch and usually have big macs everyday. The manager owes me so he delivers them

1:15PM- On the phone with Russ and telling him what books to watch fr and asking him where the early Canadian money is on. Boys you all wish you were as sharp as me. Make a few posts

1:30PM Usually these girls call back from the chat line wanting to talk nasty. We talk for like 10 minutes and then I tell them to fukkin bill me. They know I am big time so they like to call.

1:50 Betting still some ponies, make a few posts

2:30PM The HS kids come over and we eat and I let them bet with my horse accounts for a while. They all bring their own forms though and I supply only pretzles, chips, ice cream and soda. No smoking or drugs.

4:00PM Kids gone, make some calls to west coast and see what is up. Call sharks to make sure we are on same page. Pop pills for my paranois I developed. I have a few like thinking spiders are in every fukkin room, think my rug is loose or crooked, I do not like it dark. Always think raccoons are trying to get in, think my computer always crashes and finally fear of losing. I take shit for it though. Make a few posts

5:00 PM- kids yelling up to my window asking who I like and I give them games and amounts to bet and then they all run to walk up shops and put cash bets in. I also have dialogue with some locals from window and tellin them who to bet.

5:30 Again I throw bazooka bubble gum out the windows to the kids and give them like 100 pieces a session. This is so big now there are like 100 kids waiting for me to toss them out. What a fukkin battle to get gum. Make a few posts

6:00PM- the big players all come to my pad and we discuss the night and who we like and why. Secondly they always bring food and Italian it is.
Lots of sharps telling stories and all these guys on phone pounding games all over country.

7:15 Call Brett, Call Sportman,, Call Dimeplayers, action, action, action, post

7:30PM phone ringing constantly with info, on net banging plays

8:00 Snack, watch games, computer, ect and flip on porn a little.

8:40PM- post, poker, dance to some tunes

9:40 Hit the dating lines and leave lots of messages for women. I basically just say, strong, handsome, bear looking for my little cub to play with. It has not worked yet.

10:15PM Grade games, watch games, post, snack

11:00 Make contacts with sharks and workout payment plans, call locals, ect, post

12:00AM Play 3 card monte in hallway for an hour with neighbors

1:00AM Wrap up posting and i call a girl to chat sex with for a while, look at lines and stats, play video games.

2:00AM take my fukkin rug off and what a pain in the ass, glue all fukkin over and shit. I am cursing because it toes not come off easy. It usually takes like 30 minutes to get scalp clean and free of sticky glue becuase if not I pay for it in bed, My fukkin head sticks to the pillow and I get pissed off.

3:00AM watch porn and try to jack off if I can get it up. I usually pretend I am banging chick on tv, I out screen real close to me like I am there. I kind of pump bed

Eventually fall asleep for a little bit and back right at it.

Of course when i do go out I have to meet bookmakers and sharks but other than that I am home most of the time and I have guys on my payroll to get me everything.

You know I might be more normal than some of you nuts

raiders72002 · 01-18-10, 10:11 PM

ABB

JJ, I know you made me promise not to tell this story, but I?m sorry pal...., the truth needs to be told. I can?t keep this away from your forum peers forever. And after your 30k milestone, consider this my gift to you.

Every summer I go to NY to visit my Uncle and some childhood friends, big agents, etc. I had gotten pretty friendly with JJgold on chat and in the forums , plus he did do some legwork for me in the past , he?s good for P and C's , sometimes if I got a new guy that owes pretty good and I don?t know him real well , I'll send JJ , believe or not at 5'4 300 ( oh I?m sorry JJ , 284 ) try more like 350 , he actually is pretty intimidating , he's also loyal .... Had him pick up 30k once in 20's and 50's nobody wanted to count it and everybody thought it would be short ,but every cent was there , every time. Anyways, I had never met the man in person, our mutual friend put us in contact and we worked like that. But last July, I decided I wanted to put a face behind the man.

I contacted JJ and told him to call me; we decided to meet at Trump casino in Atlantic City for a night of gambling and getting to know each other. I cant tell you what I was expecting , honestly I always thought he was kidding about his height and weight , but his claims are as accurate as can be , sure enough there he was in the flesh , hand extended in greeting , he was wearing a Run DMC style sweat suit Purple and Blue with a silver Chain dangling off his neck , Bald as a babies bottom and yes , I?m not kidding ............ a little red colored Pony tail , he says a single red hair , but its a handful if one were to tug it. (And by the end of the night, I wanted to strangle with it) Talk about a loud, obnoxious, arrogant, asshole. This fu cking guy takes the cake. Within 2 minutes of meeting me , A very attractive woman walked by and JJ flicks his tongue at her and says " Hey baby , once you go bald and red , you don?t go back" , it was like a line out of a cheesy B movie , I was honestly kind of embarrassed. I suggested we go play some cards get a drink; after all we were standing in the lobby. He said no problem, my dealer Freddy will take care of us, follow me. This table was buried in the back of the casino, Freddy (no relation to the Devil) looked like a full on Loser, buck teeth, bald (of course), kind of looked like that Ernest dude from those movies. Oh yea , on the way through the casino , JJ nearly takes out 3 women at the slot machine because he thought he saw some money on the ground , but it was just a green drink voucher , when he bent over to pick it up .......... The ol' plumbers crack smiled at me devilishly. I nearly puked on the spot. And every 2 minutes JJ would be checking sports pager looking in on baseball scores, I?m like JJ, come on, play a hand the scores will be there. He?s a like nervous wreck, constantly checking scores, not to mention I have never seen anyone literally "sweat" like JJ does, I?m not talking sweating the scores either, imp talking sweat from his pores, he must have went through 3 packages of cocktail napkins an hour wiping off his brow, now I guess the Sweat suit made sense because that style went out in the late 80's.

This guy is the WORST black jack player I have ever seen. He makes the little old Chinese lady who constantly kills you at 3rd base look like she?s God sent. He kept telling me how he learned to count cards and about his technique and all these books he read on it, well all this "technique" amounted to him constantly busting and borrowing money from me. I would have won over all that night, but I lent JJ 2 dimes which I might add he still owes me (but JJ - If you do the favor I asked of you .... I'll erase that debt , think about it , and let me know by November 1st ) Anyways , this asshole was hitting 17's , the first time he drew a 3 and I had to hear I told you so for about 3 hours how his theory worked .... Mind you he didn?t draw under 5 hitting 17 the rest of the night.

Ever hear the expression "No shame in my game?, well that is the epitome of JJ's philosophy. He lets it all hang out, and I?m not just talking about his belly. He says what he wants, when he wants, to whomever he wants too. A couple of older women sat next to us on the table, JJ immediately began flirting with me?, and talk about a natural bullshitter. He was telling these broads he was a Producer for Phillip Blunt.... the hottest young rapper out there, told him he had his own plane, limo, etc, and then after he had noticeably impressed these women he told one to pull his finger which she obliged only to hear the loudest fart I have ever heard, JJ was laughing his nards off, saying I gotcha, I gotcha (in the same way he said "I told you so?) talk about annoying. This sloppy f uck was embarrassing the shit out of me. Then the smell came, let me tell you, not only did he clear out our table, he cleared out the Baccarat table 3 rows down - Brutal. I had enough of Black Jack ( or this case Ass Crack ) I was getting ready to make an excuse to ditch him for the night but he insisted on treating me for dinner , it was the least he could do after borrowing all the money. (Funny he was treating me to dinner on money that he borrowed from me, is this considered a treat?) I am expecting a nice sit down meal , bottle of wine , NOPE , takes me to $7.99 Buffet and we sat in the cafeteria with the rest of the losers. Talk about an Eater, Jesus Christ, I'd like to see a one on one between JJ and Fat Frank. He loaded up on the Prime Rib, Stacked about a foot high over his plate. Now hers the shocker ............He eats with his hands!!! , no fork, no knife, no nothing.... He was shoveling pieces of prime rib into his mouth from his grubby little fingers, it was disgusting. Some Asians at a table nearby were gaffing at the site, and JJ while spitting out prime rib, said "Why don?t you take a fu caking picture, it will last longer?, No shame at all. He ate all meat , no salad , no legumes , no fruits ........Unbelievable , and honestly I doubt anyone believes me , because had I not seen this atrocity with my own eyes I would not believe it either. After his 5th plate, he cut another loud fart acting like it was completely normal, and said now its time for desert. 3 Banana splits, I was almost expecting him to just dive in mouth first, but to my surprise he used a spoon. HOLY SHIT he suddenly yelled , my beeper , my beeper , I left my beeper on the table , I got to go get it. I said forget about its gone ... He was devastated like he just lost a son. He insisted on going to look for it and this was my out.... I said, Look I got to hit the road, nice meeting you, we'll keep in touch. He shook my hand and then literally ran off into the crowded casino, yelling move it, move it, coming through, coming through. ........... And guess what everyone moved.

I never have seen anything remotely close to JJgold; he is truly one of a kind. , even though he?s a fat , disgusting , bald , slob , there?s an unnamed quality about him that I liked , he?s original , consistent in his ways , and has been loyal in the past , But anyone planning on meeting him ................... Be prepared for the shock and ride of your life.

I really wasn?t looking forward to reliving this painful experience again, but I owe it to the forum. It is time they learn a little more about one of their wildest and outrageous characters from a hands on, empirical experience. Well, if you missed part 1, I?ll post the link at the bottom, but here goes part 2.

Well, after I was ?Treated? to the $7.99 buffet bar, and an unearthly display of gluttony, JJ hightailed back to the Black jack table to look his precious beeper, I had figured I had seen all I would of Senor Gold. I took a walk down the boardwalk, fed the seagulls some bread crumbs and thought about driving back to Queens before it got too late. (I wish I would have.) I don?t know , I decided to get a room for the night instead , figured I could take it easy and drive back first thing in the morning , play some cards at night , maybe get laid , who knows. I checked in to a nice room bout 15 floors up, nothing special, nice view of the Boardwalk though. No comp job here as I wasn?t planning on spending much, plus I was lights the 2k I loaned to JJ on the Card table from earlier.
I was watching a little TV and I get a phone call, funny cause no one knew I was here, probably management with a question or maybe room service telling me the specials, who know. Not hiding anything I answered the phone and was surprised to find it was Hotel Security? They wanted to search my room. WTF for? I demanded to know. Well apparently another guest in the Hotel had accused me of theft? , Are you fukking kidding me? I just checked in 10 minutes ago ! I screamed over the line. No they weren?t and before I was able to say more there a knock on my door, a loud knock. Sure enough it was Hotel security telling me just to just relax and cooperate , Well guess who I see in the back round , Fukking JJ , This asshole ( granted this the first I have met him ) accused me of stealing his beeper , told the security staff I lifted it from him on the black jack table. Apparently this fat fuk, after realizing he had lost it, followed me to the front desk and then after I checked into the room called security on me!!! , I fukking just lent this clown 2k on the table and he thinks I?m trying to get over on him with a $39 sports pager, that by the way was probably a 1996 model , still had a fukking green LCD screen. I was pretty fuking pissed to say the least. I told him my first name , but JJ kept calling ABB in the hallway , ?Come on ABB , just give it back , no hard feelings , I don?t care , we?ll still be friends , etc , etc ) I didn?t take your fukking Beeper you piece of shit ,I was ready to throw down , Granted JJ outweighs me by about 80 lb , But I?m a good 7 inches taller than him and was quite positive I could easily beat the living shit out of him. Only problem that could arise is if he cornered me and used his sheer girth to belly bump me up against a wall, then punish me with his dragon breath and body odor. But there were 3 big black security guards not more than 5 feet away, so I stayed cool.
They searched my bags and found nothing (yea, no shit); they apologized profusely and left leaving me with Grand Master Punk himself. Here?s the kicker , he still thought I had it, ?Come on ABB , where did you stash it ? , I know you have it , the jokes over, just give it back please. ? , Look asshole , we?re not doing this ???. I will buy you a fukking beeper top of the line; just shut the fuk up already. , It was a mistake to say that, because he took it as my admittance of guilt. Enough was enough , I said just drop it , I swear if you mention the beeper one more time , I?m gonna kill you , He didn?t call my bluff. However after I said that, he immediately lay down my bed, fukking nearly broke it when he pulled the full Jump and hop move, grabs the remote and flips on c-span for the score ticker, then looks up at me and says ?what we going to do tonight? ? (I wanted to say I tell what we?re gonna fukking do, we?re taking a walk on the beach and your carrying the shovel) Something about this guy JJ, he?s fully original, he grows on ya, he?s like fat kid at the back the back of the bus, you have feel sorry for him. Even with all his antics he?s a hard guy to not like in person. We had just ate about an hour ago , but now he tells me , he?s hungry again and without asking picks up the phone calls room service and orders a T-Bone steak bloody rare ,a Shrimp Cocktail , 3 Coronas and a Cesar salad. , at the end of the call, he says ?You want anything? ? (Nah, just charge it all to my room, no problem.)
I honestly began to theorize that he came up with the beeper theft idea just to get into my room and pull this room service stunt for the free lunch. While we were waiting for his food ( my bill ) we talked a little bout the industry , offshore books , sports , general talk and surprisingly he is very well informed and has a firm grasp on all aspects of gambling and the offshore world ( But he still couldn?t play Black Jack to save his life ) As a sports buff myself , I was surprised about his knowledge of sports , any topic of conversation I brought up , he was able to trade insights and facts without hesitation. Usually in the forum he comes off as an opinionated idiot, however face to face, I must admit I was impressed my mind, surprisingly impressed. (But not of his rolly Polly body, no offense Gold, but you could lose 30-40 pounds, wouldn?t hurt ya ? might help you get laid even) Well after his lunch came he wolfed it down like an animal, once again asides from the salad, he used his hands to eat everything, including the T-bone like it was a turkey drumstick. He must have one those metabolisms that allow eating whatever you want whenever you want with minimum weight gain. I mean he?s not really ?Fat? he?s like how he described himself, powerful build, a little overweight, but definitely not fat. When he was younger he might have some power lifting I would guess, He?s pretty nimble as well for a short stocky guy (as you will find out later.)
. I cant help it , but he reminds me a little of George Constanza , not so much the looks but the way he talks , the pitch in his voice , his mannerisms , hand gestures , etc. Don?t worry I?m not painting the picture that I?m Jerry or anything. (I?m more of the Kramer type if you must know.) Well, he was done eating and suggested we hit a nearby strip club for a little daytime titty action. What the hell, this day already was one for the books, so I decided to grab the bull by the balls and squeeze them for the rest of the way. Why not? Some jiggling titters actually sounded like a good call. JJ had to use the bathroom then we?re going to venture outside on our Journey for Jiggling Jugs. Jesus Christ, did JJ drop a fukking bomb in the bathroom; I had to wait in the hall it so bad. We made out of the hotel and took a cab to the tittie, I forget the exact name of it, but I?m sure JJ remembers because when we walked in there he was greeted like , all the girls, waiters, owner, even the fukking janitor knew his name. I was impressed, but I didn?t JJ. I mean for a guy that claims he has 2 inch dick and hasn?t been laid in 11 years, his reception was quite the contrary of what I was expecting. We sat in the corner, ordered some drinks and watched the snake show on stage. JJ was going nuts, ?Yea baby, slide that snake, yea, yea, go girl, do it, do it right, come on mommy, do it right?, I?m not kidding that?s the shit he was saying.
We got some table dances, I went into the private room with some bimbo blonde for a half hour and got a quick hummer, but JJ asides from being quite vocal didn?t get much hands on action from the women. He got a table dance that was about it. We had about 5-7 drinks each. JJ accidentally spilt his rum and coke all over his sweat suit and his crotch area. It looked like he pissed himself for awhile until the stain dried, maybe that had something to do with his lack of action, who knows? I?m not a real AC guy, and since I moved offshore 7 years ago haven?t been there except maybe once or twice for a night or 2,when I was in my early 20?s Me and boys would go down every weekend and raise hell, anyways, JJ told me about the hottest club around, said we should go eat dinner at a nice restaurant and then hit the club( I forget the name) I said great, I?m gonna go back to Hotel, change, take a shower and I?ll meet you in the lobby at 7.30, he agreed.

Anyways here?s the Finale............

Gold is certainly a handful, a trouble maker in his own wholesome way. Neurotic, obsessive-compulsive, boisterous, obnoxious, he marches to the beat of a different drum, actually there may be no percussion present at all, but he still marches.
I went back to my Hotel room, almost ready to simply split, hit the road without the courtesy of a goodbye, a handshake, or even an, ?I?ll see you later?; JJ had worn me down by his obtuse style exhibited at the strip club. His cat calls, the sexism, the womanizing and the traces of racism regarding the service staff had subtly chipped my outer guard. Plus the fact we almost went toe to fist didn?t help the scene. But what the hell, I was here for the long haul... I already achieved a minor buzz from the afternoon drinking and actually didn?t want to risk a one on one encounter of a magnitude I couldn?t handle ? The New Jersey State Police. I think I might still have outstanding parking tickets in the Hoboken area from 93? and didn?t need the aggravation of blowing .09 and spending the night in jail, (I know for shit sure JJ wouldn?t be bailing me out!) So, I decided to see what JJ had in store for us, how bad could things be?

He called me at 7.45, said he was waiting downstairs in the front of the building, said he had a ?Limo?. Now that?s what I?m talking about, alright maybe he was stepping up to the plate after all, and felt bad for being such a slouch for the first part of the day. I put on my ?Serpico? Leather jacket, cool, slick and black over a white t-shirt. Spruced up with a little cologne for the ladies and went downstairs. When I got out front I didn?t see any limousines waiting for me, however I did see JJ standing in front of a 1974 Oldsmobile Regency 98, blood red and dented. He was smiling like a little kid in a candy store, looks like he switched his necklace from silver to gold as well, I wasn?t sure. ?Step on in, ABB, welcome to my world? JJs face gleamed, I think Some lettuce from his Shrimp Cocktail several hours ago in lodged his front tooth gleamed as well, but I ignored it and chuckled, ?Limo huh, aren?t I the lucky one??, Come on now ABB, this car has more class than you?ve rode in your whole life, Used to belong to Richard on, it?s a classic!?, That?s right, he said it, Used to belong to Richard on. ?Alright, you sit in front ok, this is my man Carlonphonso, and he?ll take care of us.? Carlonphonso looked and sounded a little like comedian Chris Rock, a young black male in his early 30?s or late 20?s, I didn?t ask his age, cause he to busy singing over the radio, then after about one block of driving JJ started singing along with him, only JJ wasn?t actually singing, he was screeching his lyrics and wasn?t even close to the words either. I think the song was ? ?Heard it through the grapevine? by Marvin Gay? JJ was singing the chorus like this, ?The whores came through by freight train? or something ridiculous to that effect. I think he was mucking the words on purpose to be funny, but with that whiny voice it was pretty annoying. Then Carlonphonso starts with the yapping, ?You know, I done noticed that my brother J-lo (that?s what Carlonphonso called JJ, cause he?s so short by the way.) Be calling you ABB , now why dat be?? , before I could answer, he answered the question for me. , ?You must be an ABBA fan huh?, Damn I love ABBA, aren?t they coming out with a reunion album?, Dancing Queen, my Dancing Queen, your from Queens right? , Damn dats a kick in the pants, Sheet, but nah really what I miss is that candy , ABBA DABBA, or what about the Flintstones , Yabba Dabba Doo, I always thought Fred was secretly yelling for a Abba Dabba, the candy that is, not the musicians , course you would have known that, cause the musicians don?t go by Abba Dabba ,just Dabba, Ahhaah , I mean Abba. Shit , I?m confusing myself, but you?re following right J-lo?? JJ was still butchering the lyrics to Grapevine ?Betcha wanna go to school, with the guys who think they cool?, I suddenly got a little faint and looked in the glove box for a gun, not to shoot them, but to put myself out of this tormented version of hell where I was boxed in between two certifiable nutcases in a car straight out of Hill Street Blues.

I rarely get headaches, but I had one now, and was ready to tell them both to SHUT THE FUK UP, and LET ME THE FUK OUT!!!, on that note, JJ yelled out, ?Heeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrreeeeeee?s JJ? , apparently we had arrived to the restaurant. ?First things first Bad Beat, you got it?? Carlonphonso handed back JJ a joint that looked more like a cinnamon toothpick wrapped in toilet paper, this thing was about 1.5 inches long( I guess that?s normal for JJ) and 2 millimeters thick. ?We got?s to get the appetite up ABB, I usually don?t smoke, but I read on the forums that you like too, so I figured I?d surprise you, not bad huh?? Alright , I like spontaneity, and those who know me know I like to smoke a little grass from time to time, so I was appreciative of the gesture. But after smoking that oregano-parsley mix, I felt like giving J-lo and Carlonphonso a gesture of my own, one that involved my middle finger. I realized that the lettuce wedged between JJs front teeth wasn?t lettuce at all, but probably remnants of the dirt weed stuck to his teeth from when he rolled and licked the doober. It gave me more of a headache than an actual high, but I thanked him anyway. We were entering a steak house of sort, it looked to be of middle class and caliber, nothing too spectacular. I thought it was just going to be JJ and me for dinner, but Gold invited Carlonphonso to join us, and in his Antonio Mcdyes Jersey he was definitely underdressed for even KFC.

Table for 3, when I was looking over the wine list with the waiter looking over our table. ( JJ and Carlon are sights for sore eyes to say the least) I ordered a nice bottle of red wine , around $60, but Carlonphonso insisted on drinking Malt Liquor ? no kidding. They didn?t serve malt liquor the waiter kept insisting, before he could stick us with a firm ?No? , JJ busted out , ? Do you know who this is ? This is Puff Daddy, you know P-Diddy, the man wants a Colt 45, I suggest you get him one, he?s got more money than Trump, send a waiter to the e, but quench this mans thirst !!!, for the love of Hip-Hop !!!? Just what I wanted to avoid, another scene. Now patrons at other tables were beginning to glance over at us, and make comments beneath their menus and breathe. The Manager of the restaurant, larger distinguished looking gentlemen with a handlebar mustache came to the waiter?s relief. ?What seems to be the problem here??, JJ barks out, ?I?ll tell you what the fukking problem is Frenchie, my homie wants a forty dog of Colt 45 and your employee here says that?s impossible, what the hell happened to the customer is always right???? ( Now I knew where the phrase, the customer is always an asshole came from.) The Manager was doing his best job not to strangle JJ, because his brow was getting red and he was visibly embarrassed. "Hop on a fukking a scooter, hit a damn 7-11, and get my man his Brew!" JJ was relentless, I finally put an end to this charade of shame.

ABB- JJ , shut the fuk up, they don't have it, drink another brand or drink wine, or I'm fukking out of here, I ain't kidding !!!
JJ- Don't start with me ABB, Frenchie knows I aint bluffing, I'll burn this place down, I'll picket the streets for months demanding equal drinking opportunities !!!, This is an outrage , and I demand Justice.....
Manager- Gentlemen , I will have to ask you to lower your voices ....
JJ- The Fuk I will !!! , Give this man his Malt Liquer, and bring me a Chorizo while your at it, all this yelling is getting my appetite up.

At this point, the table next to us was upset, and the man sitting there leaned over to JJ and said, do you mine? , Its our 5th anniversary over here, and your ruining it for me and my family. Sure enough , two 10 year old girls were giggling but a little scared.

JJ- Your Fukking A right I mind, we all mind, everyone for the last 20 years who has tried to order Malt Liquor from this Shit hole and has been denied MINES!!!
MAN at Table - Look here Damnit , I asked you nicely, and you used profanity in front of my wife and daughters , I?m a reasonable man, but enough is enough, lets take this out side .....

He wasn't kidding and when he stood up revealing a 6'6 frame about 260, I think I saw a squirt of piss shoot out of JJ's sweatpants. Carlonphonso at that point said hastily , No problem here ,its cool, I'll have a bud and watch the game , its all good!!!
But JJ didn?t back down , to my surprise .... " Ask and thou shall fukking receive" , he took off his sweatshirt and for the first time the whole day I saw JJ's milk white freckled arms, with (an I?m not kidding) a tattoo on the left shoulder that says "In Mom we Trust", His arms were by no means muscular, but powerful looking nonetheless.

You have to take a moment and visualize this spectacle. JJ at about 5'3 and 280 against Ivan Drago who was about 6'6 and half way to the front door doing a come-on gesture with his forefinger. JJ's face was redder than that excuse for a limo was that we drove here in. What the hell had I gotten myself into I wondered as I pushed my way past the manager and outside to watch the brawl. The Manager poked his head out after me saying he had called the cops. JJ yelled back , "You better call an Ambulance too, while your at it Frenchie !!!"

Well the big Man didn?t waste anytime , he charged JJ and hit him with a tackle that JJ shrugged off with a light grunt of pain, gush, JJ attempted to wrap him up, but could only reach about half way around the man due to the limited use of his "alligator arms. The mans wife was outside now too, and she was screaming , "Stop it, Stop it !!!" JJ got thrown down on the ground next to some garbage cans and actually fell into the garbage ( hell, it might be an improvement over his natural odor!) The man was dusting himself off and heading back to his wife while police sirens could be heard in the back round. When suddenly JJ leapt up, his satin sweat suit had spaghetti sauce all over the front of it and his face was bloody red, he actually looked pretty pissed off. "Where you going , this isn?t finished yet?" He bellowed. The man looked back and let out at a sigh. At this point the manager was out side saying the cops would be here any minute and to please just leave !!! Honk , Honk , I looked over and saw Carlonphonso sitting in the blood beast motioning for JJ and I to get in ... Which we did. "Don't get no sauce on my seat J-lo, sit on that newspaper!!!" We were all safely in the car and turned the corner from the restaurant at the same time NJPD was coming up the other street. "Ahhh , shit J-lo, you were the man, thanks for sticking up for a fellow Newark Brother .... " , at that he slammed on the break nearly sending me through the window. Sure enough only to park in front of a jiffy stop where he promptly purchased two forty ounces of the infamous Colt 45.

After a 20 minute drive we pulled up to some shady looking nightclub with plenty of rift raft hanging out front. The Dinner debacle was a distant memory as I could only imagine the shit that went down here. "You what JJ? , I?m taking a cab back to the Hotel , I've had enough, I'm hungry, this isn't working out." , JJ looked insulted , "Cool your fukking Jets ABB, I told you this is the hottest joint in town, now the fun starts , I?m sorry about before, but trust me ...." He pleaded. Fuk it , lets go in. At the door JJ handed over a small revolver that I later found out was a water pistol replica which looked pretty real though. I was 2nd in line after JJ and noticed that while sitting on the newspaper the FrontPage story had super imposed on over his white sweatpants on the ass part, you could barely make out the headline which said, " Meat Recall " ( I guess it would have been more appropriate had that message been written on the front of his pants )Anyways He looked like a real mess and if I hadn't of slipped the doorman a Fifty spot, he wouldn?t have let JJ in at all. Place was dark , loud thumping music , and lots Hoes , and I mean Hoes not Hotties. These places looked like the hot spot for every dish rag, bimbo blonde, and reject South of Mermaid avenue in Brooklyn. And JJ , looked like he was in Heaven. "Plenty of Fish in this Sea - ABB , take your pick , hell take 2 or 3 , it?s all the same price. $20 bucks for 30 mins, they got rooms up stairs" I noticed Carlonphonso and a Lil Kim look alike heading up the back stairs simultaneously. JJ then said, " I can't get it up anymore , but I like to watch if you don't mind?" ......... Yes I do mind , you sick fuk !!! , and don't worry these girls are below my standards , so I'll be watching ..... Whatever , you know what , I?m out of here ...., I had been embarrassed and insulted enough by this fact fuk over the course of the day, and I was done.

JJ wouldn?t let me leave , "I?m kidding ABB , Come on , you can't take a joke? , Of course I was kidding, Lets have a beer , my treat ..... ", We sipped our suds quietly and afterwards I had enough , I said I?m taking a cab back to Trump , Ill call you in Jersey when I get back to CR. He reluctantly agreed. When I was in the Cab, JJ came running out of the club," Just one more question ABB? " .......... Yes JJ ? , .........." Did you really mean it when you said , you would buy me a Top of the Line Beeper ?, and can I borrow $300 bucks , I lost my wallet in the scuffle ?" I lent the $300 and if the son of bitch gives me a mailing address in Jersey I got a mint Sports pager top of the line that I?m gonna send him for X-mas ......

Merry Christmas to All

Abb

raiders72002 · 01-18-10, 10:16 PM

boys I am an expereinced archerer and I have carried a bow and arrow on the street for several years. I am a sharpshooter with this thing and use it to protect both myself and my bankroll. I now want to take my game to another level and get off the streets of newark and into the jungles of the africa. My ententions is to kill a rino one because they are the toughest and baddest like me and also their horn is supposed to be good for pekker problems thats right boys I have problems getting my junk going but I make up for it with my skillfull tung. If I killed a rino with my arrow then the women would be impressed and I could use the ground up horn to get my blood flowing again. I have thought about getting a surgary on it but now the money would be better spent going to africa. Boys I am a sharp gambler and I clear about 10 dimes a week so money is no problem. Where is the best place to kill a rino with an arrow in africa? Is anybody going soon and can I tag along? I make really good pimento cheese sanwiches and I would be happy to bring some for everybody.

ps I also wear a piece on my head and I am afraid that the glue might melt in the hot african sun. I never go without my piece because I like to look sharp at all times but if it is going to be a problem I could leave it at home for a few days and just put on a pit helmet or whatever you wear.

....

Busterflywheel · 01-18-10, 10:24 PM

Geez JJ is a character

flyingillini · 01-18-10, 10:26 PM

onthewhat · 01-19-10, 07:48 PM

BRAVES1985 · 05-27-11, 09:13 PM

BRAVES1985 · 05-27-11, 09:48 PM

what ever happened to that raider guy?

Extra Innings · 05-27-11, 10:27 PM

#3 is a classic

fury · 05-27-11, 11:59 PM

The roast is going to be epic

Big Bear · 10-04-13, 02:44 PM

classic