Too Drunk to...

[Dad]

Ever shown up way too shitfaced at a public function?

In college, me and some friends went to a local stripclub at lunch, and I had a few too many. I didn't realize how drunk I was until I was sitting in class and I was swaying to the rhythm of the ocean in my chair. There's something just plain wrong about being blizted in the middle of the day.

Also, years later at a staff party, I got into the whiskey, and showed up already bombed. I blacked out and made something of a spectacle of myself. (according to rumor).

[Willie Bee]

I got schnockered at a bar down in Puerto Vallarta once when I was 18, wound up on stage playing the bongos with the band. Apparently I didn't do too bad, only then I decided I could sing along...en Español. It was my one and only chance to be a Spanish nightclub/lounge singer, and needless to say I blew it.

Got drunk at an in-law dinner about seven years ago and decided that I was ok to ride my bicycle home...with my double rum and cranberry juice in hand. It's hard enough sober in these hills, doubly hard drunk, and triple that when the drunkard decides to take a shortcut home through the woods. Damn cedar tree jumped out and threw me off my bike, bruised ribs and a few stitches in one hand, wrecked the front wheel of the bike but lost only a few drops of my drink. I've never been allowed since to ride my bike home from family gatherings.

[The Prick]

thank god Panic is arose from the dead!

[themajormt]

The first day I moved into the dorms my freshman year my roommate and I, who I had just met, decided to get a 1.5 of Komcatchka vodka and play NCAA Football on Playstation. Every turnover the person had to drink and then every score we both had to drink. The score at half time was 35-28!!! We drank a 1.5 in less than 2 hours and we went to the dining hall to eat. We got the to go container, I filled it up with all mashed potatoes and gravy and as I was walking out I blacked out and fell down, I woke up with mashed potatoes all over my fukking face being rolled out on a stretcher being put in an ambulance. I chipped my tooth on top of it....

It did ge tme laid the following weekend because I walked into a party and like 15 people starting clapping saying it was one of the funniest things they have ever seen

Oh and I also walked into the wrong dorm room in my boxers and got into bed with a girl who WASNT the girl I was hooking up with...