So dudes ...

[EaglesPhan36]

I'm getting married Saturday. I wanted to give you the opportunity to roast me for the next couple of days. Some of you may be saying to yourselves right now, wow ... I thought he was gay or wow, who knew fat kids were allowed to wed outside of their own family or oongrats on your future octopus babies with your third cousin.

Please use the proper Comedy Central roast format and you may receive betpoints from me.

If I approve of the level of attitude delivered, I may reward you with some pictures next week.

So roast me mother f-ers. Don't disappoint. If anyone wants to pay my bill for this, PM me & I'll send you a vial of clean piss in return. I know that's valuable to at least 11% of the posters here.

[SEAHAWKHARRY]

Wow I pictured you as a 56 yr old man sitting in a lazy boy wearing a robe all day single as hell

[SEAHAWKHARRY]

Congrats ...just don't penetrating do it

[opie1988]

Did you intentionally coordinate your wedding weekend to coincide with the Eagles bye week??

If so....well played.

[actiondan]

Goodbye blowjobs!

[sourtwist]

I thought gay marriage wasnt legal yet in PA

[I/O]

[EaglesPhan36]

So far, I like where this is headed.

[edawg]

Catch garter get to put on a prosthetic leg. In all seriousness congrats!

[turtlejc]

Hopefully you picked the woman you're gonna spend the next 3 years of your life with better than you pick winners

[I/O]

before "I do"

and after "I do"

[innovation]

you don't always get married but when u do it's a week after gay marriage is passed nationwide

your post to Fuk ratio of 65,756 to 1, won't change much over your marriage

the only reason u really live in Philly, is because it's the only state your IQ is above above 33% of the people.

[LT Profits]

My deepest, heartfelt condolences.

[Monitor-Tan]

I don't always wed, but when I do, I make sure it's one of my cousins.

[zizoudane10]

Wow, I had no idea that "marrying" was another word for "buying a butt plug".

[sourtwist]

Hey Dickfan, not nice to pick favorites. You gave some of the dumfukks points, but you missed a couple.

I dont want them anyway...youre a cheapfukk and your future butt buddy will realize soon enough.

[jjgold]

Eagles your a a fukkin sucker man

marriage at your age???? Why???

I am single man and look at me

[I/O]

Marriage is like a screen door...

All the flies on the outside want in

and all the flies on the inside want out!

[laclippers504]

Congrats PAPPOSE

[TheLock]

Steady mitt is fun.

You'll get a lot of guys here who haven't sniffed a va jay jay in 5 years and live in their mothers basement who will tell you you're a fool but, congrats.

[sourtwist]

Lock, you sniff what? How do you get away with it without looking suspicious?

I only say this because anyone who says "va jay jay" ain't eating or pounding any puzzy.

[EaglesPhan36]

Keep it up men. I need more shit to ready to make my half day at work tomorrow fly by.

[nikossf]

[Robber]

Lock, you sniff what? How do you get away with it without looking suspicious?

I only say this because anyone who says "va jay jay" ain't eating or pounding any puzzy.

True

Marriage is like a screen door...

All the flies on the outside want in

and all the flies on the inside want out!

Pretty much

[Robber]

Why is marriage like a hot tub?

Because once you're in it, it's not so hot.

----
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother explained.

The child thought about this for a moment, then asked "So, why is the groom wearing black?"

[zizoudane10]

"I do" might be the longest sentence ever.....

[hugh_morris]

A man in love is incomplete until he's married- Then he's finished! And remember this, love is like a soft mattress, its easy to fall into, but not so easy to get out of....Peace

[jarvol]

Turrrrrible decision.

[daneblazer]

Hope you're a patient man.

[zizoudane10]

Now all jokes aside: Great news pal!

We all know Eagles is one of the nicest guys around here, so it's hard to roast him.

Eagles, we want to see some pics from the happy couple! Keep us updated and enjoy your big day!

[Optional]

Daddy in 8 months time?

[Bostongambler]

She's hot. Good catch.

[jjgold]

Eagles post some nudes of her she will never ever find out

[Smoke]

[shari91]

Not possible to roast you EP. Too much love

Plus New Year's babies are the best! Good luck daddy xo