The Panda Bear

[betplom]

The giant panda (Ailuropoda melanoleuca), sometimes called the black-and-white cat-foot, is a kind of mammal from the family of the bears (Ursidae). The Ailuropodinae is the oldest family of the most primitive lineage of bears and the fossils of the oldest ancestral panda, Ailuropoda lufengensesis, which are found in souther China, are about 8 million years old.

[betplom]

* Pandas are almost becoming extinct. They are endangered because people are cutting down the bamboo that pandas eat to make farms.
* Pandas can eat more than 10,000 kilograms of bamboo a day.
* The mother panda can only take care of the baby panda for half a year (6 months).
* People can't tell if a baby panda is a girl or a boy for four years.
* The mother panda only has one baby every two years.
* Pandas have black on their eyes.
* Pandas live in China on the mountainsides.
* If all the bamboo is covered in snow the pandas will eat little mice or uncovered leaves.
* Pandas are pink when they are born.
* Panda mothers nurse their babies. Pandas are mammals.
* Pandas are black and white.
* The Giant Panda is found exclusively in China where it inhabits mountain forests that are dense with bamboo and conifers. They thrive in altitudes of 5,000 to 10,000 feet in cold, damp forest. Which makes them accustomed to torrential rains and dense mist throughout the year. Their habitat exists in only 6 small areas of inland China.
* There are thought to be less than 1,000 individuals in the wild.
* There are about 110 pandas in captivity, mainly in China. There are seven in the United States- Zoo Atlanta, and The National Zoo each have a pair. The pair in San Diego also have a small cub. There are three females at the Chapultepec Zoo in Mexico City. There are also pandas in Japan, Spain, Germany, France and South Korea.
* Their numbers are deceasing due to dwindling habitat and their poor reproductive capabilities, both in the wild and in captivity.
* The average Giant Panda consumes between 20 and 40 lbs of food per day. They can spend up to 16 hours eating.
* These black-and-white bears eat primarily bamboo although they also have been known to eat other plants, fish, pika and other small rodents.

[pico]

i heard pandas are too lazy to ****. that is why they;re extinct.

[tacomax]

A panda picks up a hooker and they go to a cheap motel to have sex. He goes down on her for hours and she has multiple orgasms.

Afterward, while the panda is getting dressed the hooker sits up in bed and says, "I need you to pay me now!" The panda just shrugs and keeps putting on his clothes.

The hooker jumps out of bed and says, "I need you to pay me! I am a hooker, this is what I do for a job!"

The panda shrugs again and continues putting on his clothes. The hooker runs to her purse and pulls out a mini dictionary and looks up the word "hooker." She shows the panda what it says: "Hooker; has sex for money."

The panda smiles and flips to "Panda", and then without saying another word walks out of the room.

The hooker looks down at the definition and reads: "Panda; eats bushes and leaves."

[betplom]

i heard pandas are too lazy to ****. that is why they;re extinct.

No, I think you heard it wrong, Mexicans are lazy , Pandas are just slow.

[betplom]

A panda picks up a hooker and they go to a cheap motel to have sex. He goes down on her for hours and she has multiple orgasms.

Afterward, while the panda is getting dressed the hooker sits up in bed and says, "I need you to pay me now!" The panda just shrugs and keeps putting on his clothes.

The hooker jumps out of bed and says, "I need you to pay me! I am a hooker, this is what I do for a job!"

The panda shrugs again and continues putting on his clothes. The hooker runs to her purse and pulls out a mini dictionary and looks up the word "hooker." She shows the panda what it says: "Hooker; has sex for money."

The panda smiles and flips to "Panda", and then without saying another word walks out of the room.

The hooker looks down at the definition and reads: "Panda; eats bushes and leaves."

I thought a panda thread would be safe, I was wrong.
(I have no problem admitting I made a mistake).

[Tsoprano]

No, I think you heard it wrong, Mexicans are lazy

Then how do explain such a large population??

[betplom]

Then how do explain such a large population??

Too lazy to get an abortion?

T, I was making a joke, ok it was a bad joke, can't win them all.

[fiveteamer]

Pandas are so cute!!!

[betplom]

The fur of the giant panda is thick and coarse. It consists of a coarse outer layer and a very dense, wooly-like underfur. To the touch, the fur feels oily. This oily protective coating helps protects pandas from the cool and damp climate in which the bear lives. These hides can be sold for $100,000 dollars.

[RogueJuror]

they look good close by

[englishmike]

The fur of the giant panda is thick and coarse. It consists of a coarse outer layer and a very dense, wooly-like underfur. To the touch, the fur feels oily. This oily protective coating helps protects pandas from the cool and damp climate in which the bear lives. These hides can be sold for $100,000 dollars.

100K for a Panda hide? Where the fukk would I sell it?

[tacomax]

Pandas are timid creatures and very easily scared.

[The Prick]

id bang a panda bear. then choke it ta death so it coudnt tell nobody

[reno cool]

I like your new calling plom. Spreading the word about the wide world of animals.

I heard some tuna are worth over 100k

[RogueJuror]

I heard some tuna are worth over 100k

oh yeah incredible how they can be worth so much

[Mudcat]

Pandas remind me of what a ridiculously cruel and wretched place the world can be.

They frequently give birth to 2 cubs. But the mother knows that only 1 can live. They subsist mainly on bamboo and it does not provide enough nutrients to her milk for 2 babies to survive.

So mother pandas have to make a Sophie's Choice and decide which baby lives and which dies.

Why does it have to be like that? Why are they programmed to eat bamboo? Why don't they just give birth to one baby panda?

Why?

[Bread]

Panda Bears sometimes run out on their tabs.

[pico]

i always wonder what is the advantage of having a black-white fur

[Teela]

Pandas scare me.

[apk2k6]

[Casperwaits]

5 Little Known Panda Facts

1. Pandas do not believe in birth control (henceforth the large population), but they do believe in the rhythm method. Unfortunately for Pandas, they have very poor rhythm (it's their white side showing) and get female pandas preggers everytime. Maury is doing a show on Deadbeat Pandas on Friday.

2. Pandas are Chinese. This is why they cannot drive.

3. Pandas eat so much bamboo because the MSG in General Tso's chicken upsets their stomachs. Tough to get Zantac on a Pandas salary.

4. If you took every Panda in China and lined them up side by side, you would get the width of Paris Hilton's vagina.

5. The "Dirty Panda" is a sexual position where instead of giving her "all you got", you give her 1/3 many times until she roars in frustration. The name comes from the size of Chinese genatalia and the lack of rhythm Pandas have (see fact #1)

[pico]

i saw this in japan

[pico]

http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/01/09/panda.attack/index.html

[tacomax]

[pico]

you forgot one step. that looks like ice cream