The barn is going through a rough time, and as fellow football fans we should offer our support. I have compiled a list of possible HC candidates... those they might want... and a more realistic view of who they could get at this time. Just trying to do my part.
1.
They Would Consider: Norm Chow
Great offensive mind. Long history of nurturing offenses in both NFL and College. Good track record working with young QB’s
More Likely Could Get: Norm from Cheers
Watches a lot of football games. Relatively un-opinionated in offensive strategy. Usually drunk, which would help anyone trying to watch the auburn offense.
2.
They Would Consider: Steve Sarkisian
Good history of success with USC. Strong offensive mind. Innovative. Cutting edge.
More Likely Could Get: Kim Kardashian
Would attract more fans to games. Fairly offensive in her own right. Uses her tight end to score frequently, attracts all types of athletes, and, apparently, is very comfortable in the full spread formation.
3.
They Would Consider: Lane Kiffin
Might actually consider the job, at least until he visited the campus.
More Likely Could Get: A Lane Recliner
Looks good in the booth. Choice of several fabrics and colors. Very passive.
4.
They Would Consider: Al Del Greco
Radio personality, therefore very good at spinning a negative situation to make it look better. Auburn homer. Would likely kick more field goals which would result in fewer stops at the 1 yard line by teams such as Vandy.
More Likely Could Get: The Geico Gecko
Brings personality, stability and name recognition to the program. Based on his small size, he will be more capable of relating to chiziks last 2 recruiting classes. Could save auburn faculty a lot of money on tractor insurance.
5.
They Would Consider: Stan White
Another barn homer. Can throw a football farther than 10 yards, therefore would immediately be the best QB on the team. Understands how to turn and hand ball to running back. Never lost to Vandy.
More Likely Could Get: Betty White
Was alive last time auburn won national championship. Seasoned actor, so at least as good as chizik at lying to the camera. Lots of experience dealing with whining women which would be a great asset at auburn staff meetings.
Any others?
1.
They Would Consider: Norm Chow
Great offensive mind. Long history of nurturing offenses in both NFL and College. Good track record working with young QB’s
More Likely Could Get: Norm from Cheers
Watches a lot of football games. Relatively un-opinionated in offensive strategy. Usually drunk, which would help anyone trying to watch the auburn offense.
2.
They Would Consider: Steve Sarkisian
Good history of success with USC. Strong offensive mind. Innovative. Cutting edge.
More Likely Could Get: Kim Kardashian
Would attract more fans to games. Fairly offensive in her own right. Uses her tight end to score frequently, attracts all types of athletes, and, apparently, is very comfortable in the full spread formation.
3.
They Would Consider: Lane Kiffin
Might actually consider the job, at least until he visited the campus.
More Likely Could Get: A Lane Recliner
Looks good in the booth. Choice of several fabrics and colors. Very passive.
4.
They Would Consider: Al Del Greco
Radio personality, therefore very good at spinning a negative situation to make it look better. Auburn homer. Would likely kick more field goals which would result in fewer stops at the 1 yard line by teams such as Vandy.
More Likely Could Get: The Geico Gecko
Brings personality, stability and name recognition to the program. Based on his small size, he will be more capable of relating to chiziks last 2 recruiting classes. Could save auburn faculty a lot of money on tractor insurance.
5.
They Would Consider: Stan White
Another barn homer. Can throw a football farther than 10 yards, therefore would immediately be the best QB on the team. Understands how to turn and hand ball to running back. Never lost to Vandy.
More Likely Could Get: Betty White
Was alive last time auburn won national championship. Seasoned actor, so at least as good as chizik at lying to the camera. Lots of experience dealing with whining women which would be a great asset at auburn staff meetings.
Any others?
