The Papal Conclave - no flies on me - is it any coincidence that these guys are starting their Papal Conclave today and then are going to be locked away for the next 4 days on the VERY DAY the CHELTENHAM FESTIVAL starts ! You can't fool me - the sly buggers have got their big plasma Jumbotron TV installed - Betfair and hi-speed broadband connection installed - what better way to enjoy Cheltenham - locked away for 4 days with no women to nag you about the money you are gambling with - peace & silence to study the form for the next race - the Cardinals have got it sorted ! You can imagine the scene - as the doors are locked this morning - a global audience watched as the bang of the lock goes - then the Irish Cardinals shout - "Feck this Pope Election bollocks - that can wait until fecking Saturday - turn the fecking satellite TV on - 1st race - 1.30 Cheltenham - JP McManus, Tony McCoy's My Tent Or Yours - which one of you fecking b'stards will give me 5/2 for 5,000 Euros !"
