Million Dollar Parlay

[texhooper]

I don’t know why I’m posting this. It won’t hit. But I realized if I took every NCAAT game ATS on Thursday, it would take $32.88 to win a million dollars. I don’t usually do pie in the sky deals like this BUT IT’S THE GREATEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE BLAAHH GAAAAAHHHRRRR *drools and collapses like an empty cornhusk* anyway here it is:

-Michigan State -1.5 (they stink but Izzo)
-Duquesne +9.5 (emotional win, check)
-Akron +13.5 (Creighton stinks)
-Long Beach +19.5 (great story with Monson, plus Lloyd AZ teams suspect in tournament)
-North Carolina -24.5 (I hate that I had to pick this)
-Morehead St +11.5 (who doesn’t want more head am I right)
-Oregon +1.5 (Dana Altman first round usually good for something, and is SC really that good I mean really)
-Nevada -1.5 (closed out the season playing well and totally gakked last year so should be focused)
-Colorado St +2.5 (I’m not recency bias you’re recency bias)
-Oakland +13.5 (the fighting Greg Kampes against the ultimate greaseball fraud, GIMME THEM POINTS)
-McNeese +6.5 (Will Wade more like Will WIN for a new job)
-South Dakota St +15.5 (Jackrabbits are playing great ball right now, this just feels a tick too high)
-Saint Peter’s +21.5 (Tennessee a terrible tournament team since Christ’s birth)
-Texas Tech -4.5 (how dare NC State think they’re somebody! Coaching mismatch here and Wolfpack will eventually lose right. Right? RIGHT????)
-Samford +6.5 (ask any jackass on earth)
-Wazzu +1.5 (first five minutes of game against Indiana State has shaped the whole world’s mind into thinking Drake is Jay Wright’s Villanova reincarnated, not so fast, I like this Wazzu squad said me once ever and that’s today)

16-0 and I am a millionaire. If not I’ll do another one for Friday and become a millionaire then.

Good times, men. Good times

[Mac4Lyfe]

Picking winners straight up is hard enough. Picking ATS. Forget about it. That would be an epic hit. I'd be shocked if I could hit 10 out of 16 ATS but I'm pulling for you bro. Stranger things have happened.

[texhooper]

Picking winners straight up is hard enough. Picking ATS. Forget about it. That would be an epic hit. I'd be shocked if I could hit 10 out of 16 ATS but I'm pulling for you bro. Stranger things have happened.

Thank you sir. For the last ten years or so I’ve been in a large tournament pool run by a Louisville fan, and the last two years that they’ve sucked naked assholes, he decided he didn’t have time to do it anymore. Last year was the first that I didn’t fill out a bracket in ages, and this year I realized, I should do something similar gambling wise, but forget a bracket, you go through that whole process and it just gets busted up and you’re basically out before it begins. This seemed like the proper drug to put in my March Madness syringe to go along with those boring ole straight bets

[MalikHusam]

I see 3-4 winners on that card

[Mac4Lyfe]

I see 3-4 winners on that card

He's about to go 3-0 in the first 3 games. Hot damn impressive. Keep it going Tex.

[Mac4Lyfe]

When do you start hedging THoop? When you go 9-0?

[EddieMusher]

Bone for tuna, Tex.

[johnnyvegas13]

Good start if u can get Akron

[texhooper]

Akron boned me!

So promising!

[texhooper]

I see 3-4 winners on that card

This is how you repay me for laying the wood with your horribly coached team who has zero chance as a one seed to win it all. Shame on you