Tampa Bay Rays (-210)
For 10 years, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have been the epitome of futility. They have finished in last place in the stacked American League East 9 out of 10 years. They have had the worst record in the majors four of those years. Their banner season came during 2004, when they finished SECOND last in the division.
I remember it vividly. The fans in the retirement community of St. Petersburg, where the Devil Rays play, were going crazy! There were flipped Buicks and Oldsmobiles everywhere!
All of the other three expansion teams (Arizona, Colorado & Florida) have had seasons of varying success, including three World Series championships. So why were Devil Rays wins harder to come by than good Nick Cage movies?
After 10 years of being consistently rotten, compiling a combined record of 645-972, Barack Obama finally stepped in and said it was time…..for change.
And just like that, the word “Devil” was abolished from the organization. They would now be called the Tampa Bay Rays. A symbol of sunshine over a menacing cartilaginous fish. Hopes of whisking away a decade of all things evil abound.
The owners were happy. The church was happy. And Steve Irwin was happy.
And would you believe that this wacky idea has worked? The Tampa Bay Rays are sporting the league’s fourth best record, and hang tough in every game. For the first time ever, they are demanding respect from the sportsbooks, as well as the double-headed Yankees-Sox monster.
Scott Kazmir will be taking the mound on Sunday. At 6-2 with an ERA under two, Kazmir will look to continue his dominance against a sub par Astros team. I hear that Houston has some guy named Berkman who is having a so-so season. He might get his hits, but nobody else in that lineup will be able to hit Kaz.
The Rays boast an exciting young lineup, with a nucleus of Carl Crawford and B.J. Upton. Crawford has been one of the league’s most underrated players for years now. Being buried on a bad team will do that to you. But even on those bad teams, he has always been clutch, as evidenced by his huge grand slam against the Cubs a few nights ago. Simply put, I love Carl Crawford and look for him outside night clubs.
So excuse me for being a bit excited. But I have been here for the bad. I have lived through Esteban Yan and Brent Abernathy. I have lost wagers on uncontested winning runs twisting their ankles rounding third base. I have even had their mascot, Raymond, hit on my girlfriend. I’M NOT KIDDING!
Better bets than the Rays for Tampa Bay residents before this year:
• Try to win your mortgage payment at the local 10 cent bingo hall
• Spend a night at Mons Venus with less than $100
• Go for a ride with your friend Nick Hogan
But not anymore. Do not be afraid to take them at (-210) tomorrow. And do not be afraid to take them ever again. Because at least for this one season, they are winners.
For 10 years, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have been the epitome of futility. They have finished in last place in the stacked American League East 9 out of 10 years. They have had the worst record in the majors four of those years. Their banner season came during 2004, when they finished SECOND last in the division.
I remember it vividly. The fans in the retirement community of St. Petersburg, where the Devil Rays play, were going crazy! There were flipped Buicks and Oldsmobiles everywhere!
All of the other three expansion teams (Arizona, Colorado & Florida) have had seasons of varying success, including three World Series championships. So why were Devil Rays wins harder to come by than good Nick Cage movies?
After 10 years of being consistently rotten, compiling a combined record of 645-972, Barack Obama finally stepped in and said it was time…..for change.
And just like that, the word “Devil” was abolished from the organization. They would now be called the Tampa Bay Rays. A symbol of sunshine over a menacing cartilaginous fish. Hopes of whisking away a decade of all things evil abound.
The owners were happy. The church was happy. And Steve Irwin was happy.
They brought in these guys for the official exorcism.
And would you believe that this wacky idea has worked? The Tampa Bay Rays are sporting the league’s fourth best record, and hang tough in every game. For the first time ever, they are demanding respect from the sportsbooks, as well as the double-headed Yankees-Sox monster.
Scott Kazmir will be taking the mound on Sunday. At 6-2 with an ERA under two, Kazmir will look to continue his dominance against a sub par Astros team. I hear that Houston has some guy named Berkman who is having a so-so season. He might get his hits, but nobody else in that lineup will be able to hit Kaz.
The Rays boast an exciting young lineup, with a nucleus of Carl Crawford and B.J. Upton. Crawford has been one of the league’s most underrated players for years now. Being buried on a bad team will do that to you. But even on those bad teams, he has always been clutch, as evidenced by his huge grand slam against the Cubs a few nights ago. Simply put, I love Carl Crawford and look for him outside night clubs.
So excuse me for being a bit excited. But I have been here for the bad. I have lived through Esteban Yan and Brent Abernathy. I have lost wagers on uncontested winning runs twisting their ankles rounding third base. I have even had their mascot, Raymond, hit on my girlfriend. I’M NOT KIDDING!
Womanizer
Better bets than the Rays for Tampa Bay residents before this year:
• Try to win your mortgage payment at the local 10 cent bingo hall
• Spend a night at Mons Venus with less than $100
• Go for a ride with your friend Nick Hogan
But not anymore. Do not be afraid to take them at (-210) tomorrow. And do not be afraid to take them ever again. Because at least for this one season, they are winners.