Little grumpy today, big guy? Listen, if playing catch isn't your thing all you had to do was say so. There's no reason to get Dick Tracy on the phone, or dispatch the A-Team to my house to rough me up and take my lunch money. I was only trying to do everyone a favor, a gesture of goodwill in these uncertain times.
One can only speculate as to why you're experiencing such a negative reaction to a proposed catch session with two All-American triggermen. Maybe you have cinder blocks for hands? Hmm, fella? Maybe you're trying to save yourself the embarrassment of Trevor Lawrence threading the needle and hitting you square in the proverbial numbers only to have the ball slip through your hands, ricochet off your nipples, careen off your schnoz and tumble to the turf? Maybe the thought of running a crossing route for ballyhooed colored quarterback Justin Fields, tripping over your own feet, somersaulting at the hash mark and getting a face full of dirt while the ball sails overhead is giving you night terrors? Maybe they called you butterfingers in high school?
I will talk to them, Bigdaddy. I will let them know that you're a tick or two below the caliber of receiver they're accustomed to throwing to. I will inquire as to whether or not they are okay with their completion percentage seeing a dramatic drop when playing catch with you. They don't seem like the judgmental type. You're way overthinking this. Don't let those gameday jitters get the best of you, fella.
As for my credentials? Well, like I said, I'm a big deal. I'm just a real big fukkin deal and everyone knows it. I'm the toast of the town and sometimes I'll carry a scepter with me just to remind myself of my lofty social standing. I like to make my own rules and if people don't like it, they can hit the road jack. I often hit crowded spaces without any face covering of any sort, forgo social distancing, and just strut around like a fukkin pigeon. Then the minute one of these beta monkey mask wearers approach me, I tug on their mask and let it snap back on their face. It always draws a laugh and then the ladies drape their panties about me like a clothesline.
If you still wanna play catch with Trevor and his colored friend, Justin Fields, then you need to step your game up. Remember who's doing who a favor here, tough guy. If you behave and conduct yourself like housebroken human being, maybe I'll even let you touch my scepter.