[Auto Donk]

After the Emmy nomination, and several inter-species hook-ups for Qualia, resulting from our critically acclaimed "The DOOM SWITCH Chronicles," Logo network just recently commissioned us, after seeing what we did to Bonerous yesterday at the Omaha tables, to star in a gay-as-fuk series called "The Hit n Run Chronicles....." Trying to be accepting of "the gays," B-Kway and I decided it would be good for our image, and maybe patch things up with resident homo wwaves, if we allowed the gays to produce the series..... so we signed their contract with the rainbow emblem on it...... and gave them episode 1, as follows:

After the extreme adrenaline rush B-Kway and I got off hittin n running Bonerous for TWELVE massive pts at the omaha tables, we woke this morning feeling alot like nicole ritchie, looking for our next fix! I jumped on sbr, and saw three people playing in a small nlhe cash game..... po69 and BONEROUS, and someone else.... like running into a babe u "hit n ran" during a one-night stand in college the previous night, only to see her back in the same club with you the following night as well, I didn't know whether I should turn and hit the exit for fear that Boner might recognize me, of if I should, literally, try to hit it again...........

On the fence with this decision, I deferred to the only voice of reason available, my inner-conscience, --- no, not my real conscience, but rather a hungover chimp who was hi as fuk from having just finished his morning bowl.... Bongo, apparently needing the adrenaline hi even more than me, lit his bong and began to dance around the living room in the same basic victory dance we'd done after hitting Boner in Omaha...... so I jumped in with 120 or so in chips.......

first hand, im dealt J2, maybe J3..... don't really recall preflop action, but know that Bonerous (who had about 100 chips on the table) was in the hand, and I flop top pair with my jack...... Qualia lets out a shriek, hits the bong, and lets off a plume of smoke that prevents me from seeing the screen..... I feel I've got the still-tilting-from-the-day-before Bonerous on the hook, so I shove..... he again thinks about it for a sec or two, then calls with mid or bottom pair, only to miss and ship his entire stack!!!!!!!!!!!

I announce I'm hitting n running, and bolt from the table like a little boy bitch cowardly running away with my three to four bucks!!!!!! The dancing/shrieking Bongoqualia loads another bowl, smokes it, puts on his swimsuit, and dives out the second floor window into the f'n pool below he's so amped up with the spectacular hit n run we'd just executed..... i say fck it, and dive in right after him! great way to start a new work week! thank you, SBR!

[katstale]

I like it when u are obviously flipping with someone and interloper appears. Decides he will be clever and throws in his chips (without consultation) and then gets felted and cries when the other 2 guys leave him there all alone. I can laugh abt that for 2 days! Good thread and happy hunting donk.

[Auto Donk]

so excited about the riveting drama stirred up by playing penny poker, and the accompanying enragement being hit n ran causes when someone runs off with a dollar or two of another players and doesn't give em a chance to win it back, the f-packers at LOGO started pressuring us to immediately film another episode..... I told them, "Hey! this hit n run shit ain't as easy as it looks! This isn't as simple as an anonymous bathhouse blowjob, mf!!!! That f'n poker table isn't a gdam gloryhole, mf!!!" This tirade just made the homos get goosepimples, and they really undermined me when they waved a bag of ak 47 chronic in front of B-Qway to win his allegience against me not playing more poker. Outnumbered as I was, I reluctantly logged in and headed back into the f'n sbr poker room......

(sense the f'n foreshadowing here, sbr posers?????)

When your heart's not in a hit n run session.... sometimes it's best to hold off.....

Well, against my innner gut feeling, I sat down at a small nlhe table and started playing pitter patter holdem with some tight ass id named "somthing hicks." no matter what, this guy wasn't going to put more than 2 percent of his 50 chip stack into any hand..... so as I was bitching to the homos about, "see, this ain't all that easy," another sbr member, "oneunder," rolls into the table.....

here's where my instincts really sense that things are about to go bad.... see, when you become famous, as B-Kway and I have, there's always gonna be what jake peavy calls a "shot taker." someone who comes along and say, for e.g., takes a swing at mike tyson..... you know, the kind of guy who's gonna come in and "school the master....."

Well, oneunder sits down, much to the glee of three homos and a hi as fuk chimp, but i'm already feeling uneasy..... Play a few hands, trying to find the right all in shove move with the hi probability of a call, and BOOM!!!!!! IT F'N HAPPENS..........

F'N ONEUNDER TAKES A $5.00 HAND OFF ME, AND BOOM!!!!! ........ IS GONE!!!!! HOLY FUK...... MY $2.50 VANISHES!!!! i've been hit n run on my own fuking show!!!!!!!!! Bongo's joy stops immediately....... he smashes his $86.00 bong against the wall! Glass flying, homos ducking, and me wondering why the fuk Qualia never cleans his f'n bong, as that's some nasty ass water running down the wall..... It becomes apparent to us all, very quickly: This hit n running is some serious shit!!!!!!

Dejected, heads spinning, the homo filming crew silently retreats to their production trailer..... Bongo grabs some Excedrin and heads off to his cage...... I sit there stunned..... crushed at the loss of 14 cents and the unmeasurable damage to my reputation as being SBR's premier pussyboy hit n runner........ not sure where this series is headed.....

figure if i go all "C-Lo Greene" on the production crew and B-Kway, and slip em some mollies in the wine spritzers they all asked for earlier when times were much happier, I'll get em back on track..... we'll have to wait and see.......

[oneunder]

the unmeasurable damage to my reputation as being SBR's premier pussyboy hit n runner........

No damage done Donker...you'll always be number 1

[illmatick]

Qualia?

[Chipup]

Donk, who doesn't love a show about a man and his monkey? TV is rife with such classic shows. Keep up the great work.

Btw You should let b-kway watch jay and silent bob strike back. So many good ideas for him.

[Auto Donk]

Qualia?

Bongoqualia is his full name. aka "The Chimp," "B-Kway," "Bongo," "Fukhead," "Rapin' Ape," "Peepin' Tomqualia," and a whole host of other cute pet names my wife, kids and I have come up with for him..... Meanwhile, our beloved cat that we've had since she was a kitten, who is now near fully grown at just over 14 months old, but is a really small cat, is called "The Cat" or "Little Cat" or "Little Kitten." The only official name we ever gave her was Tunechi.... and it really didn't stick b/c my wife hates Lil Wayne..... Chimp, on the other hand, has at least two dozen diff names at any given time......

[Triple_D_Bet]

Donk, who doesn't love a show about a man and his monkey? TV is rife with such classic shows. Keep up the great work.

Btw You should let b-kway watch jay and silent bob strike back. So many good ideas for him.

Why the hell are you still posting when both you and SBR have confirmed you were lying about being borednaz and you STILL refuse to pay your debts? What part of "we can all see what a douche you are" do you not understand?

[Chipup]

Oh noes the douche Triple_D doesn't like me talking to my friend. Well guess what your wants/opinions mean nothing. I will talk to whomever whenever I want.

[BeerDog99]

Oh noes the douche Triple_D doesn't like me talking to my friend. Well guess what your wants/opinions mean nothing. I will talk to whomever whenever I want.

Talk to whoever you want. Just man up, admit you are borednaz and pay your debts. No worries after that!

[Vegas39]

Talk to whoever you want. Just man up, admit you are borednaz and pay your debts. No worries after that!

that would show integrity. Something he has none of

[JAKEPEAVY21]

Oh noes the douche Triple_D doesn't like me talking to my friend. Well guess what your wants/opinions mean nothing. I will talk to whomever whenever I want.

only reason donk gives 2 flying shits about you is because he wants his points...man up you fukkin deadbeat loser..

[reigle9]

Yo sorry guys I was playing with. Rolled over in the second hand and now have to wait 30mins to get a new one in. I'm probably heading over to the borgata in that time. I don't give 2 fks about poker points so don't think I was being shitty.

[tatddy]

Yo sorry guys I was playing with. Rolled over in the second hand and now have to wait 30mins to get a new one in. I'm probably heading over to the borgata in that time. I don't give 2 fks about poker points so don't think I was being shitty.

No harm no foul nice hand.

[reigle9]

No harm no foul nice hand.

Cool. I'm home already (god that place is awesome, for money that is). Took all of 2 hours.

[tatddy]

Cheers bro! Honestly I knew you had AA and if it wasn't for autodonk calling 5 bets with Q high I'd have been able to make a hero fold.

[Auto Donk]

Cheers bro! Honestly I knew you had AA and if it wasn't for autodonk calling 5 bets with Q high I'd have been able to make a hero fold.

meant to call 30+, when I went to do that, at the very instant he raised I was clicking call.. then I was pot committed and gambling a whopping 15 bcks on qten suited sucking out.... nh for whoever won it!

[stevek173]

I like your style Auto, nice thread.

[Auto Donk]

I like your style Auto, nice thread.

no problem, "Ice"..... I am dangerous..... now let's oil up and go play some volleyball!!!!

love, Mav

[stevek173]

[Kross]

[Auto Donk]

after getting f'd over with a set of 4's in the sat high roller by some new poker id with poker karma sucking out with a flush, i decided to take my angst, and measly 100 rollover, to the omaha hi/lo tbls.... since none were active, i went into the omaha high tables, where a couple of hi rollers, ttaddy and big orange were sitting......

chimp, from his raft out in the pool, gave me the "hit n run" symbol (he may have been just flippin' me off for having been smart enough to turn off the margarita machine after last night's festivities, thereby keeping him from indulging all afternoon while the wife and I were out shopping and having a few afternoon cocktails, but, I regress). I took it as the hit n run symbol, and it reminded me of the good ol days of Chimp's long-since gone LOGO camera crew and our hit n run chronicles, so i figured what the hell, let's double up the rollover and run.......

problem was, there was no rollover --- does the sat afternoon trny no longer have a rollover?

so, I was in with some recently acquired fruity fortune and pirate's revenge chips...... decided, wtf, let's throw down 100 and see if we can pull a hit n run....... Chimp exits the pool and grabs his bong, and slides his wet ass up next to my chair. Sure enough, big orange is letting chips fly, so i figure this won't take long.....

a few hands in, get two dims, ace hi, dealt to me, and flop a flush..... so did b-o, and he's ready to reraise all-in...... i click the good ol "sit out next hand" button, and hit call.............

BOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!! ANOTHER HIT N RUN ACCOMPLISHED TO PERFECTION!!!!!!! Bongo's dancin' around giving the double bird to the neighbors lookin over the fence to see what all the yelling is about, and the party is on!!!!!!!!!!