[Mr Windy City]

So it turns out the man who was first reported to have angrily breached security and invaded the England dressing room following England's supporter-infuriating 0-0 draw with Algeria on Friday -- an incident that sparked furious safety concerns and a police manhunt -- was just looking for a bathroom. But the fan says he did make the most of his accidental encounter and told the team what he thought of their woeful performance, even though David Beckham claimed he just said "hello."

Mortgage advisor Pavlos Joseph (right) is the man whose bladder caused this whole mess. He's been banned from attending future world cup matches. Before being charged with trespassing by Cape Town police and released on bail, he told his hilarious and unbelievable story to The Mirror:
“The crazy thing is I only went looking for the toilet,” says Manchester United fan Pavlos, 32, from South-East London, who has followed England home and away since he was a schoolboy. [...]
“I found a security guard, who sent me off back along a walkway underneath the stand out on to the pitch in the direction of the players’ tunnel and explained that there were toilets near there.
“I walked across the grass and up through the tunnel. Eventually, I took a right, down a corridor and before I knew it I found myself in the dressing room. There was no door.
“The next thing I knew, there was David Beckham standing in front of me."
Hardly an elaborate plan carried out by an irate supporter looking to unleash his wrath on the squad he paid thousands and traveled a great distance to see. But wait!
It gets weirder:
“I saw Joe Cole walk naked out of the shower a few feet away from me. He glanced at me and then did a massive double take. [...]
“Suddenly David spoke. He took a step towards me and said, ‘Whoa, who are you?’
“At first I didn’t know what to say. I glanced around at everyone again and then looked back at him. I said, ‘I’m Pavlos and I actually need the toilet.'"
So you've got a naked Joe Cole and a lost mortgage advisor that says "I'm Pavlos and I actually need the toilet." This is a comedy routine, right? People are actually panicked about this? They're not just laughing so hard that they look upset?
But Pavlos didn't squander the moment on simply stating his need for a toilet:
For a moment, no one said a word. Then I thought, ‘What the heck. I’m in the England dressing room. Why not say something?’
“I looked David straight in the eye and said, ‘David, we’ve spent a lot of money getting here. This is a disgrace. What are you going to do about it?’”
“I told them, ‘That was woeful and not good enough’. The room was so quiet, you could hear a pin drop. The players’ chins were on their chests — they looked pretty ashamed.

And with that, a FIFA official ushered Pavlos out. He says his ejection from the dressing room was so casual that the FIFA man even agreed to take his mobile phone and confirm his story to his disbelieving cousin before finally showing him to the bathroom. The police, apparently, aren't as convinced of Pavlos' wacky tale and are going through with trespassing charges.
Even still, Pavlos has no hard feelings for the team that let him down:
“If any of the England boys ever need any mortgage advice, I’m here for them — and I’ll get them a good deal.”
Pavlos Joseph: mortgage advisor, inadvertent trespasser, demotivational speaker, man in need of a toilet ... England supporter hero? I nominate "I'm Pavlos and I actually need the toilet!" to be English fans' battle cry for the rest of their team's World Cup run.

[shari91]

Awesome story!

[RockyS]

Next time some terrorist will be looking for place to shit...

[NorwegianDude]

[Sanka]