[Notorious_Donk]

So I'm in a situation with some lady friends and asking a wide range of people for advice.

There's a sexy lady I've been seeing for the past 2-3 months, and by "seeing" I mean we hang out after work and bang. I'm not saying shes "the one" but she has mentioned the term "settling down" and I dont know what to think. I have multiple other good looking ladies in my phone that I would still like to see in the sheets but I dont wanna scare off the one i've been "seeing". How do I tread these waters???

[Auto Donk]

ALL kidding aside.... if she's thinkin' serious and you're thinkin' you still wanna bang others in your phone.... shoot straight with her and tell her you're not ready to settle down.....

lie to her and string her along, you're gonna fuk her over and lose her forever (and she will catch u if you're f'n around), and the if it turns out that she has/had the potential to have been the right one, you'll regret it for perhaps a lifetime......

best thing I ever did after my divorce was shoot straight.... if anything, they competed even more for the role of Ms. Donk knowing there were others in contention, and I got the very best they had to offer......

when I was ready to settle down, the present ms. donk and I cleared my facebook/phone together.....

now, post a photo of her, and the others, and I'll really give you a pinpoint precision answer....

and, for some kidding, here's a list of questions to ask before deciding:

1a. does she take it up the ass? 1b. more importantly, does she DEMAND that you give it to her up the ass every now and then?

2. does she love the taste of your jizz (and i don't mean tolerate it, i mean "scoop it out of herself and swallow it" type love)?

3a. is she bi? 3b. and if so, does she have sexy bi friends who want to bang you too? more importantly, is she going to sulk all day the day after you pull a threesome with her friend and 1. her friend is blowing up her phone thirty minutes after she left your loft asking her when "we can all get together again", and 2. the friend left enough scratches on your back that you damn near have to go to St. Joseph's Hospital's emergency room on the other side of downtown for medical care?

4a. has she ever banged any african-american pro-athletes? 4b. and if so, do you have enough kahk to compete with a certain offensive lineman for the miami dolphins so that you don't find yourself in the "throwing a hotdog down a hallway" situation?

5a. does she have obvious insecurities or jealousies toward other women you mention or those you see on t.v.? 5b. and, of course, more importantly, is she going to jump out of bed and turn off the "mood-enhancing" porno flick you popped into the dvr player because a Jessica Drake scene comes on, and you were stupid enough to mention one night in response to her question -- "have you ever been with anyone famous?" -- while you were on the "truth serum" known in the streets as "X," that you had been with a certain porn star, and had pulled a threesome with her and the little sister of a former ms. Texas you happened to date for a while?

6. has she ever kicked your 645ci front windshield out from the inside while doin' 80 mph on the SW Freeway due to another woman callin' you up while she was ridin' shotgun after you both got drunk as shit at her company's christmas party and you were stupid enough/drunk enough to answer the phone, saying "Hey babe!" ?


fuk, now that i've edited the "kiddin' questions," they're not so "kiddin'" after all........

ad

[sportsfan9698]

LOL what a bunch of crap - must have took him an hour to write that garbage

You already know how to handle it... so bang them all while you can. Sure it will end someday, but you will get over that in about 2 minutes

[Notorious_Donk]

Lmao I appreciate post fellow Donk. That was my plan all along was to shoot straight and thats really the type of guy I am. No sugar coated bullsh!t, just tell it straight up and if someone cant handle it then whatever that's life.

Right now the issue isn't finding a woman, i'm not desperate and I dont listen to people who say "if you have a good one don't let her go" because at this point (3 months) how do you really know she is "the good one"?

I'm gonna keep living my single life, making all the money I can and see what happens.

[sportsfan9698]

Lmao I appreciate post fellow Donk. That was my plan all along was to shoot straight and thats really the type of guy I am. No sugar coated bullsh!t, just tell it straight up and if someone cant handle it then whatever that's life.

Right now the issue isn't finding a woman, i'm not desperate and I dont listen to people who say "if you have a good one don't let her go" because at this point (3 months) how do you really know she is "the good one"?

I'm gonna keep living my single life, making all the money I can and see what happens.

Dumbest decision. Make sure you have that talk with her AFTER you bang her... it will be your last

[Auto Donk]

Answer key:

1a. if "yes", possible keeper; if "no", dump her.
1b. if "yes", definite keeper; if "no," probably dump her, unless she likes going "ass to mouth"

2. if "yes", definite keeper; if "no", you'll probably find the blowjob activity is inversely proportional to how seroius the relationship becomes, and, if you marry her, you'll find out why most all brides truly have a smile on their face.... because they know they've given their last blowjob.....

3a. If "yes", beware: there is good and bad bi.... good bi is the fun you can have with threesomes, etc. bad bi is now she has the entire population of adults to cheat on you with, you'll find yourself wondering when she goes for a two hour lunch on a Sunday afternoon whether they ran off and sixty-nined/strap-on'd each other while you watched a f'n Astros' game at home instead of joining them.... If "no", scratch any thought of additional fmf threesomes off your bucket list....

3b. If "yes", be careful, she can't handle you enjoying the fruits of her bisexuality, and will exclude you down the road, probably cheat on your with other women to get her "bi side" freak on, and to top it all off, she'll try to convince you she never was really bi to begin with..... curb her if you're smart.... but not until you've tagged all of her bi friends, and NEVER fall in love with her.....

4. if "yes", watch out.... shit will probably end with one or both of you facing criminal charges, and you having to fight a 300 f'n pound lineman for the dolphins.... 4b. If your packin' still curb her, for the reasons stated in 4a. If you're not packin', ship her immediately, I presume.....

5a. If "no," potential keeper. If "yes," watch the fuk out.... shit will get crazy and she'll wind up doin' drive bys, late night calls, probably even befriend your f'n concerige/security on the first floor of your loft to let her come up to your floor to beat on your f'n door at 1:00 a.m. without even calling your ass to say there's somone on the way up, on a saturday night after you told her a little "white lie" that you were going deer hunting near Laredo, and would be back late Sunday.....

5b. if "yes", ship her, as you'll never be able to watch porn in bed with her again.... and you'll be accused of wanting to fuk porn stars left and right, and even be told by her "I'm not a skeezy whore like those porn stars you like fukkin'".... the relationship will go down hill fast. On a somewhat related note, never let any babe of this type "happen upon" your stash or pen drive containing home made videos sent to you by the husbands of swinger wives you happened to plow..... shit will go down hill very fast..... Samething with any old computers containing photos/vids/etc. of your past sexual escapades -- throw that shit out or ship it to bitemeusadej so he can catalog, index, and store it for you in a chronological order....

6. if "yes", ship her even though she had the "honey dripper" of a lifetime, and a great sexual kinked out mind to match, and an ass to die for... trust me.... the bitch will turn out to be a completely crazy, maniacal pathological liar who will repeatedly pull you back in with her "wares", only to do shit like say she wants to stay at your loft all weekend while you go hunting, then after you break up haunt you with a story along the lines of "remember that time I stayed at your loft while you went hunting, I paid you back for fukkin' that hot brunette behind my back by having _________ [insert name of pro athlete] come fuk me in your bed....." You'll find yourself racking your brain for at least a year to remember if you ever found any black pubes in your sheets just before Christmas that year..... SO DO NOT GO THERE!!!! If "no", say a prayer and thank God you haven't met such a bitch!!!!

[sportsfan9698]

No woman wants you to be honest in this regard... she is likely also banging other guys, and you should keep playing along.

You tell her you want to date others, but would like to also date her she will be upset and that will be the last. That makes a woman feel slutty, and she would rather you keep your trap shut so she can feel okay about it.

[Notorious_Donk]

Dumbest decision. Make sure you have that talk with her AFTER you bang her... it will be your last

I've banged her more times than I can count on my hands and toes. Thats not the problem

[Notorious_Donk]

No woman wants you to be honest in this regard... she is likely also banging other guys, and you should keep playing along.

You tell her you want to date others, but would like to also date her she will be upset and that will be the last. That makes a woman feel slutty, and she would rather you keep your trap shut so she can feel okay about it.

I'm not telling her I want to date others, i'm telling her I want to date NO ONE. My reasoning behind that is because i'm content with my life right now, I just bought a new vehicle and i'm looking at buying a new house. My money is tied up so I just wanna fukk around. But in the process of fukking around, I dont wanna lose this one

[Auto Donk]

Right now the issue isn't finding a woman, i'm not desperate and I dont listen to people who say "if you have a good one don't let her go" because at this point (3 months) how do you really know she is "the good one"?

OK, here's some serious-ass advice, as it happened the two times I found not necessarily "a good one" (tho they are both "good," but many, many women are basically "good")...., you have to find the "RIGHT good one" for you.....

my first wife didn't qualify. my present wife did.... and one other babe between my two marriages did, but she passed away....

here's a fail proof tip: when she's the right one, you will find yourself gravitating more and more toward her, and away from other women.... if you have single's dating sites, you won't be checking them as much, and eventually, not at all. AND it won't be because she's urging you to be with her and not others, it will come from within, ie., you're making the decision to let go of the other women in your life because you only want to be with her.....

that's when you know you've got the one.... hopefully she's also a "good one," but more imporantly she needs to be the "right one" for you.....

after my divorce, I said I wasn't going to get tied down for a long while.... I was gonna get the ultimate bachelor pad, a loft overlookin' downtown h town, and play the field and make up for all the time I spent not fukkin' in a bad marriage.... however, within a year and a half, the right one had me deciding to shun all the other babes, and make it work with her..... she had a freaky side, and were still on the path to getting there when she passed....

the present ms. donk and I went through that same process, and I'm one lucky s.o.b. to have met her.....

[Auto Donk]

I'm not telling her I want to date others, i'm telling her I want to date NO ONE. My reasoning behind that is because i'm content with my life right now, I just bought a new vehicle and i'm looking at buying a new house. My money is tied up so I just wanna fukk around. But in the process of fukking around, I dont wanna lose this one

gotta fish or cut bait at some point.... and, sometimes, once you decide to give it a shot, you may find she wasn't really that into you, just wanted to know, for her own sick psychotic reason, that she could "land" you, and now she's bored.... and needs, usually for low self esteeem reasons, to get "new" affirmation from some other dickweed.... or she may be the one....

point being, nothing's permanment at this point, or any point really, so give it a shot for a few weeks, maybe even months.... you'll see, usually pretty quickly, rather it's meant to be.... And once the honeymoon newness wears off, often times shit goes down hill real quick, particularly once the "putting your best foot forward" stops.....

but rest assured, sneakin' around, and tryin to play the field on the side, is no fun..... after my one angle past away, I wound up in a few where I tried to have my cake and eat it to.... all the crazy shit I posted in #2 post above happened among a bevy of babes during that span of time, which covered 2-3 years......

edit: i have to qualify that, I had a ton of fun, some of the best times in my life, but the being sneaky to get to and from the fun, was no fun.....

[Notorious_Donk]

OK, here's some serious-ass advice, as it happened the two times I found not necessarily "a good one" (tho they are both "good," but many, many women are basically "good")...., you have to find the "RIGHT good one" for you.....

my first wife didn't qualify. my present wife did.... and one other babe between my two marriages did, but she passed away....

here's a fail proof tip: when she's the right one, you will find yourself gravitating more and more toward her, and away from other women.... if you have single's dating sites, you won't be checking them as much, and eventually, not at all. AND it won't be because she's urging you to be with her and not others, it will come from within, ie., you're making the decision to let go of the other women in your life because you only want to be with her.....

that's when you know you've got the one.... hopefully she's also a "good one," but more imporantly she needs to be the "right one" for you.....

after my divorce, I said I wasn't going to get tied down for a long while.... I was gonna get the ultimate bachelor pad, a loft overlookin' downtown h town, and play the field and make up for all the time I spent not fukkin' in a bad marriage.... however, within a year and a half, the right one had me deciding to shun all the other babes, and make it work with her..... she had a freaky side, and were still on the path to getting there when she passed....

the present ms. donk and I went through that same process, and I'm one lucky s.o.b. to have met her.....

That sounds like some solid advice from an experienced man.

The ultiimate goal is to mess around with her and just have fun with no strings attached while also banging other women. I'm years from settling down but who knows.. things can change

[Auto Donk]

this is the ass that both I and an o-line dolphin were getting sideways over......





and like kid rock once sang, "fuk em, they don't know the half of it".....

[Ralphie Halves]

What AutoDonk said in his first post. The first 4 paragraphs, before it went off the rails.

The whole "double life" thing sounds really cool and James Bond-like, but it's way too big a freakin chore. When in doubt, honesty never fails in the long term.

[Auto Donk]

That sounds like some solid advice from an experienced man.

The ultiimate goal is to mess around with her and just have fun with no strings attached while also banging other women. I'm years from settling down but who knows.. things can change

best of luck..... sounds like you've got the plan..... if she pushes with the exclusive talk and you're not feeling it, trust your instincts and don't give in.....

when it's right, you'll know it's right....

only risk I see is if you have to lie to the babe to keep her in the harem, and she thinks she's exclusive with you, you do risk losing your junk bobbit-style..... they can go crazy..... so be careful if you find yourself in those straits....

[Notorious_Donk]

best of luck..... sounds like you've got the plan..... if she pushes with the exclusive talk and you're not feeling it, trust your instincts and don't give in.....

when it's right, you'll know it's right....

only risk I see is if you have to lie to the babe to keep her in the harem, and she thinks she's exclusive with you, you do risk losing your junk bobbit-style..... they can go crazy..... so be careful if you find yourself in those straits....

That's what i'm waiting for. Again, its very early since we've only been banging for about 3 months but she says she "really likes" me

Let's see what happens when I bang her after work today

[Auto Donk]

What AutoDonk said in his first post. The first 4 paragraphs, before it went off the rails.

The whole "double life" thing sounds really cool and James Bond-like, but it's way too big a freakin chore. When in doubt, honesty never fails in the long term.

so right on the "chore" part.... particularly the chore of keepin' all your little white lies (at least mine were little white lies in MY mind) straight.... it was a helluva lot easier the first two years post-divorce, when I flat out told the truth every time.... knew i'd never be caught in a lie..... and never had to sneak around.....

[meader99]

this is the ass that both I and an o-line dolphin were getting sideways over......





and like kid rock once sang, "fuk em, they don't know the half of it".....

He he also said "I wanna fuk you like I'm never gonna see you again."

[TheMoneyShot]

In my personal opinion.... you need a REAL GOOD GIRL.... and a REAL BAD GIRL. When I was younger 18-21 I use to have a bad girl on the side... she did any type of position you wanted... she could go for hours. Wasn't good enough to ever bring home to mom and meet your family. You knew you'd never marry her.... but you always reassured her if the topic came up.

The REAL GOOD GIRL... she's down to earth... sensible... but not as WILD as the BAD GIRL... and the sex is just average. There's nothing totally "special" about her that makes you want to settle down with her immediately... but... she's the marrying type. And she's good enough to bring home to meet your mom and family etc.

Now that I'm almost 40... I have noticed women from the past who were total sluts in their mid 20's now trying to settle down... Some of my guy friends have married... and what cracks me up... these girls were so fukking slutty... it's like when you get older... you look at yourself in the mirror and say... damn it's time to settle. No, not settle down. Just settle. Women who were whores back in the day... are now looking for a "DAD" type for their kids. And looking for $$$$$$$.

It's funny how life goes. You always hear the stories 10-15 years ago how life ends up.... but you only realize it once you reach that age.

All these guys settling on women who have taken close to 50+ different cocks in their lives

[Auto Donk]

maybe i've just been lucky, but most of my good girls have also been very, very bad girls in the sheets....

ah, who am I kiddin'..... i turned most of em into freaks,by cultivating their sexuality like a 1,000 soon-to-be-deported-by-trump workin' over a SoCal strawberry patch, expanding their sexual horizons, and training their sexual minds....

it is indeed possible to have a good girl, a bad girl, and the right girl..... all in ONE girl.....

you just have to know how to open their minds up, to release all the good kinky shit that they have stored away in their head... usually by both giving them the confidence to do so, a little bit of skilled direction from you, and truly being non-judgmental of all the freaky shit that flows out as the relationship grows.....

[Notorious_Donk]

In my personal opinion.... you need a REAL GOOD GIRL.... and a REAL BAD GIRL. When I was younger 18-21 I use to have a bad girl on the side... she did any type of position you wanted... she could go for hours. Wasn't good enough to ever bring home to mom and meet your family. You knew you'd never marry her.... but you always reassured her if the topic came up.

The REAL GOOD GIRL... she's down to earth... sensible... but not as WILD as the BAD GIRL... and the sex is just average. There's nothing totally "special" about her that makes you want to settle down with her immediately... but... she's the marrying type. And she's good enough to bring home to meet your mom and family etc.

Now that I'm almost 40... I have noticed women from the past who were total sluts in their mid 20's now trying to settle down... Some of my guy friends have married... and what cracks me up... these girls were so fukking slutty... it's like when you get older... you look at yourself in the mirror and say... damn it's time to settle. No, not settle down. Just settle. Women who were whores back in the day... are now looking for a "DAD" type for their kids. And looking for $$$$$$$.

It's funny how life goes. You always hear the stories 10-15 years ago how life ends up.... but you only realize it once you reach that age.

All these guys settling on women who have taken close to 50+ different cocks in their lives

Thanks for the post Money. So let's say I have a GOOD girl and a BAD girl. Like you said, the BAD girl is a freak and the GOOD girl is just average but you know she is one you could bring home to ma and pa. I'm banging both of them. All of a sudden BAD girl starts talking about "us". Talking about settling down and going on dates. Then what the fukk do you do???

[Auto Donk]

Thanks for the post Money. So let's say I have a GOOD girl and a BAD girl. Like you said, the BAD girl is a freak and the GOOD girl is just average but you know she is one you could bring home to ma and pa. I'm banging both of them. All of a sudden BAD girl starts talking about "us". Talking about settling down and going on dates. Then what the fukk do you do???

find another bad girl.....

[SBRMAN23]

find another bad girl.....

This or just tell the truth and if she is a real OG she will respect it and not want to lose you instead of trying change the situation

[Notorious_Donk]

find another bad girl.....

This or just tell the truth and if she is a real OG she will respect it and not want to lose you instead of trying change the situation

Both will probably work. I'll try the latter first and if that doesnt work then i'll just find another baddie

Either way it's some rough waters when dealing with a situation like this....

[MoMoneyMoVaughn]

Can someone give me a TL; DR?

I am hungover as fucck.

[Notorious_Donk]

Can someone give me a TL; DR?

I am hungover as fucck.

Man where do you live? Better not be hungover this late in the day if you're in the states. Pussy shi!t

[TheMoneyShot]

Thanks for the post Money. So let's say I have a GOOD girl and a BAD girl. Like you said, the BAD girl is a freak and the GOOD girl is just average but you know she is one you could bring home to ma and pa. I'm banging both of them. All of a sudden BAD girl starts talking about "us". Talking about settling down and going on dates. Then what the fukk do you do???

You have to always give a "good soft sell" approach. I always did this with the bad girl. She bought it every single time. I never brought the bad girl to see my family.... damn... she didn't even know where I lived. All she knew is where I worked. When I broke it off with her she use to write me letters to my work. She even called a few times... and she must of had a sexy voice or something??? Because my boss answered the phone... and said (NAME) is on the phone... you want to talk to her? My boss let me talk to her for like a half hour on the phone... on the clock.

To answer your question... just keep her mind off of "US" and just go and do things with her... if you have time? I use to see the BAD GIRL on the weekdays... and the GOOD GIRL on the weekends. Fastest 90 days of my life... everyday was entertaining.

But just like the Auto Donk said... find another BAD GIRL.

[MoMoneyMoVaughn]

Man where do you live? Better not be hungover this late in the day if you're in the states. Pussy shi!t

It was a long night / morning.

[Auto Donk]

This or just tell the truth and if she is a real OG she will respect it and not want to lose you instead of trying change the situation

especially if dat dick is good.....

I loved it back in the day when I had a harem of girls that would call only for that purpose.....

one even called me the "fireman" (akin to that ol' George Strait song)..... many friday mornings, she'd call me, still half coked-up from the night/early morning before, after some dickweed she brought home couldn't even come close to satisfying her, and asked if she could come by for a friday nooner-early afternooner, which usually turned into happy hour that evening, then a threesome with some new random babe that had the hots for her at happy hour, which usually turned into being tied up til saturday afternoon, and another addition to my harem......

a type of perverted sexual mutli-level marketing, one could say......

[Auto Donk]

one more tip..... the best way to show a babe who you're done with the door, for whatever reason, is to guide her into curbing you....

make ending it her idea, so that 1. you don't have to be the bad guy, and 2. you don't have to put up with annoying interruptions while your doin' your new harem members.....

[Auto Donk]

maybe i've just been lucky, but most of my good girls have also been very, very bad girls in the sheets....

ah, who am I kiddin'..... i turned most of em into freaks,by cultivating their sexuality like a 1,000 soon-to-be-deported-by-trump workin' over a SoCal strawberry patch, expanding their sexual horizons, and training their sexual minds....

it is indeed possible to have a good girl, a bad girl, and the right girl..... all in ONE girl.....

you just have to know how to open their minds up, to release all the good kinky shit that they have stored away in their head... usually by both giving them the confidence to do so, a little bit of skilled direction from you, and truly being non-judgmental of all the freaky shit that flows out as the relationship grows.....

one tip I forgot to thrown in there, tho.... remember your own boundaries, otherwise, after you release the true inner freak, most of these freaks u've created will eventually want to go down this road:



that's why you need to find bi- girls.... you can let them get this shit outta their systems on "unicorns", ie, single kinked out babes in the so-called "lifestyle".....

[reigle9]

It's impossible to have a real gf in 2016. Everyone is a whore on both sides. Do drugs, make bets, and remember lies when forgetting her name.

[Auto Donk]

Everyone is a whore on both sides.

you write this as if it's a BAD thing......

just always make sure that you're more of a whore than she is.....


that way you won't feel the need to ever judge her....

only courtney love could ever make me feel judgmental.....


maybe Belladonna..... but who gives a fuk when she has this ass AND is a total freak:

[MoMoneyMoVaughn]

It's impossible to have a real gf in 2016. Everyone is a whore on both sides. Do drugs, make bets, and remember lies when forgetting her name.

Reig, I managed to lock mine down.

[reigle9]

Reig, I managed to lock mine down.

Anyone else, I'd say she's fukking a guy like me on the side.