1. #1
    SharpAngles's Avatar Become A Pro!
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    Bennett Brothers Firebomb the NFL


    ONE NIGHT, WHILE we're eating dinner at a fancy hot dog place (if you're wondering whether the Bennetts made lewd jokes about the sausages -- what do you think?), I ask Michael, who's famously critical of the league's overpaid passers, what he thinks of Jay Cutler.

    "Worst quarterback in the NFL," he says.

    "I'd be open and he'd throw into double coverage," says Martellus, who spent the past three seasons as Cutler's teammate in Chicago.

    If there's an unspoken rule in the NFL against roasting other players, the Bennetts break it every day. What follows is a non-comprehensive list of their takes on various figures in football:


    Martellus: "Eli? He's cool. He's like a normal white guy you see at the park trying to teach his kids how to play soccer and you know he can't really play soccer himself."


    Martellus: "If a QB went 7 -- 9, he'd never be able to find a job."

    Michael: "Make sure he's in the NFC West."


    Michael: "I've got more sacks than he's got touchdowns." (This is accurate.)
    Martellus: "I've caught more balls than he's completed." (Also accurate.)


    Martellus: "Joel Osteen."
    Michael: "Tom Cruise. I feel like Pete Carroll is like Benjamin Button. He doesn't want to get old. He's getting younger every year. What is going on?"
    Martellus: "That's what money does."


    Michael: "A--hole. Nah, I'm just joking -- you can't say that. Overpaid."

    J.J. WATT

    Michael: "Dominant player."
    Martellus: "Corny. Half of the NFL is corny, though."
    Michael: "People love J.J. Watt, but they don't really like J.J. Watt, know what I'm saying?"


    (Both smirk.)
    Michael: "The greatest quarterback in the NFL."
    Martellus: "Vicious. Competitive."
    Michael: "A real Joe Montana."


    Martellus: "The silver fox you never get to see but you hear about. You only get to take one photo, and you have to stay outside for a year just to get it."


    Martellus: "I hated Jason Witten. I appreciated his game, but I always hated him."


    Michael: "Probably the quarterback I like to hit the most."


    These days, the Bennett brothers are blunt about their shared belief that they're underpaid. (Michael, playing under one of the most team-friendly contracts in the league, has been trying to persuade the Seahawks to rework his deal.) But when they talk about wealth and NFL salaries, it's clear they're less concerned with money than power. "If you're a player, the only thing you own is your likeness, and your likeness has a date on it," Michael says. "The only way we can be sustainable is to make our own companies."
    Martellus points out that football contracts, which are short and non-guaranteed, pale in comparison to the deals handed out in the NBA. "Do you know what the NFL stands for?" he asks.
    No Fun League? Not For Long?

    "Nig*as For Lease."

  2. #2
    texhooper's Avatar SBR PRO
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    That is some classic stuff

  3. #3
    ChuckyTheGoat's Avatar Become A Pro!
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    Great post, Sharp.

    The Bennetts have said they don't like playing vs each other. I don't think you'd find any earshot hits on the other brother.