[mathdotcom]

Preparation:

Clothing
- many layers, such as a shirt, sweater, and then jacket/hoodie
- sweatpants or track suite bottoms with elastic band waist
- base of pants must be TIGHT. If not, see a tailor and get this fixed.

Mental State
- You need the stuff in the store more than the owner does. If owner is chinese, then this is just gravy as you want to make their lives hell. You are only taking what belongs to you.

Execution
Most convenience stores are now set up so that the cashier can see down most of the aisles. [Back in the day this was not always the case.] This makes theft more difficult as you are never really out of cashier's view.

You want to find a store that has at least a few other people in it. Otherwise the cashier has nothing better to do than watch you.

Identify your item of interest. If cashier has view of you, then proceed as follows:
- pick up two of the item, but with one hand.
- walk in direction opposite cashier, ie. with your back to cashier
- make a left or right turn as you cross into another aisle
- this 2 second interval is when you will STASH the item of interest

Stashing can be:
- if you have a tracksuite top on, you can just stick the item under your jacket and the elastic band will hold it there.
- put down your tracksuite pants or sweatpants. it will fall to the bottom of your pants, but they are tight and so do not fall out at your feet.
- if small enough, any pocket will do

Once you re-appear in other aisle, you will still have one of the items in your hand. Even if the cashier has been watching you, she has to give you the benefit of the doubt and just assume you actually only took one. This benefit of the doubt is greater the smaller the item. Was that 2 packs of gum or one? Not so clear. Was that two 2L bottles of coke or one? No benefit of the doubt there. That is an advanced play and will be covered in future installments.

Go to cashier with some other random item. Could even be a $0.05 candy.
As she is ringing it in, you are leaning against the counter, chatting her up. Of course one of your free hands is grabbing packs of gum or chocolate bars and stuffing them down your pants. For this play you can't have a guy behind you obviously. Walk out of the store confidently, and do not run once you leave the scene. Only do so if you suspect you're being followed. Technically it is not theft until you've left the store with it, so sometimes they will wait for you to leave before grabbing you. Try to leave store and make a sharp left or right turn, and then bolt once out of cashier's view.

Boys I was so good at this I was leaving store with $50-$60 of merchandise each trip.... before the age of 9. My record was 3 submarine sandwiches down my sweatpants. I walked out of the store like a fukkin robut with all that shit down there but they knew I was going to be big time and did not say a word.

PS: Do not steal with your back to fridges with milk etc. in them. There could be a clerk stocking milk that catches you in the act. Also, do not be too afraid of cameras as they are usually just there to scare the pussy thieves who do not have your balls. But if you suspect it is actually operational, the Lostache and Webber glasses should suffice.

[flyingillini]

This is exactly why Mathy is amongst the elite on SBR. I can only imagine what your days must of been like at the School. You are one hell of a poster! Keep up the good work! By the way, I sent your check out today.

[BAUS]

Very descriptive, well written, and thoughtful.

Excellent material.

BAUS

[mathdotcom]

Bump for buzzy

[Squirrel]

I can't wait for the next part of "Mathys shoplifters guide to America"

[jjgold]

Good stuff Mathy

Best thing to do is switch price tags or nowadays bar codes

Melt them off with a small lighter

[HotStreak]

Best way is to wait for some degenerate to show up with his laundry list of pick 3 and lotto numbers to tie up clerk.

Disguise is a must as all stores(esp. Chinese), have security cameras.

[buztah]

How'd I miss this gem? Mathy, you are a true master of the universe. Untouchable.

[Slim]

Mathy is the best.

[36mafia]

he sure is, isnt he. fuckincunt

[rake922]

[Ace_of_Spades]

Pathetic.

[onetrickpony]

jew. why does this not surprise me one bit. jew.

[Duff85]

Mathy is so fukking sharp. SBR needs more of these threads.

[Marginalis]

[Slim]

If owner is chinese, then this is just gravy as you want to make their lives hell. You are only taking what belongs to you.

Damn straight.

[cant call it]

Some may want to know what to do when you catch a pos stealing from you.
First-degree murder. Someday it will be legal (God willing), but for now, us “outlaws” have to keep things on the down low. Let me guess, right now you’ve got an ex-loved one dead on the ground behind you (it’s your wife, isn’t it?) and you’re struggling to keep all that blood on your hands from getting all over the computer keyboard.
I bet you thought the hard part was over. Well think again, buddy, because no matter what your motive for revenge (wifey was gonna call the cops, wasn’t she?), now you’ve got a big, heavy body to dispose of. And guess what? That cumbersome pile of flesh and bones is gonna start smelling pretty foul any minute now.
You’ve got to get rid of that body fast. And if you want to get away with your “crime” so you can enjoy your newfound freedom, then you’ve also got to be careful. After all, this isn’t your cocker spaniel’s dog poop we’re talking about here – you can’t just throw it onto the neighbors’ lawn and expect the problem to disappear on its own. You need a plan. To help out, here are some of the best ways to dispose of a dead body:
Dump the body in the woods: Our nation’s wooded areas are riddled with dead bodies. And why not? Dense forests provide plenty of cover during the actual burial. Plus, the body is unlikely to be found, because very few people go digging random holes in the middle of the forest (unless they’re burying a body, in which case, you probably won’t have to worry about them alerting the authorities).
Bury the body at your house: If you’re worried of being caught red-handed out there in the real world, use your own property to bury the body. That backyard rose garden is a perfect place to hide a body (bonus: human bodies make great fertilizer – those roses are gonna look great when spring comes around next year). If you’ve got nosy neighbors, then bury the body in the basement or encase it behind a bedroom wall. If you choose the latter, be sure to stock up on Febreze – that decomposing body is gonna get pretty rank.
Roll the body up in a carpet and throw it off a bridge: Got blood all over your tiger-skin rug? Kill two birds with one stone and throw the evidence and the deceased off a nearby bridge at the same time. Tip: choose a bridge that’s over a body of water. That freeway overpass may look convenient, but when that rug starts blocking up traffic below, someone will eventually look inside of it.
Chop the body into little pieces: Bodies are harder to identify when only partial remains are found. Make the cops work for that positive identification by dumping various parts of the body throughout the nearby city and countryside. Good places to drop body parts include dumpsters, lakes and the rental return box at Blockbuster.
Use acid to dispose of the body: If you’ve got a few barrels of sulfuric acid lying around (and who doesn’t these days?), you can get rid of the remains altogether by dissolving it. Be sure to place the body in a container that the acid can’t eat through. After neutralizing the acid, ideas for getting rid of the sludgy remains of the body include flushing it down the toilet, pouring it down a storm drain, or baking it into banana bread and feeding it to your enemies.

[Vegas_bond]

So this is how Mathy funds his wagers?

[DEP78]

I don't think I would want to eat a sub sandwich that anyone stuck down their pants though.

[purecarnagge]

when unemployed, go to the ghetto convience store. Call the cops... the cops will come in. Watch all the ghetto drug dealers toss there shit. as soon as the cops leave, still drugs and run!

My buddy was the late night manager at one..he use to find tons of shit after the cops came in and then he'd sell it back to the dealer!

[C-Gold]

I knew a Klepto in college, he just didn't give a fhuck.

One of my friends was with him one time and they said "Mike" would walk into a 7-11 drunk as shit for a food run. He's 10 beers into his night, doesn't care and puts like 20-50 bucks worth of items into his pants/shirt. They were like no seriously, the guy had so much shit it was unreal, comical.

So he does the robot, walks out of there. He might have stole 20-50 worth of shit and bought one soda, or he might have just walked out. So what does he do? He's sitting in the parking space right outside the 7-11. Doesn't drive away, doesn't care. He pulls a bag of Lays potato chips out of his pocket and

CRUNCH
CRUNCH
He's eating them slowly and louddddddlyyy.

My friend's like who the **** is this guy? Most people would be scared to get caught, they'd steal 5 bucks worth of shit, buy something and drive off in a rage. "Mike" just doesn't give a ****. They said he sat there drunk in his car outside the 7-11 in sight of the cashier until he ate all the food and then he drove off.

I knew another guy who would buy shit, eat it or use it, and then try and return an empty box. He'd buy shit from GNC and then return it when 10% of it's left, or he'd buy a new video game, and then put an old game in the box and return it. The indians working in returns at wal-mart usually wouldn't check to see if the game matches. Freaking thieves.

[bostonboy]

this is probably the most disgusted i have ever been reading a thread here. What the fuk is wrong with you people? Makes me sick to think people have absolutly no morals and will do anything to "save a buck" Yet these are the same people who have no problem betting a hundred, thousand, or tens of thousands of dollars on a fukin pre-season football game. Truly the scum of america.

[RollPlayer]

this is probably the most disgusted i have ever been reading a thread here. What the fuk is wrong with you people? Makes me sick to think people have absolutly no morals and will do anything to "save a buck" Yet these are the same people who have no problem betting a hundred, thousand, or tens of thousands of dollars on a fukin pre-season football game. Truly the scum of america.

Someone still has their panties in a bunch about last night...

[sweethook]

why

[mlb]

haha .. you have thought about this way too much or you have way too much experience

[Wulfman14]

thats some funny shit though

[Tuna Fish Riot]

Summary: Common Sense.

[Tree Rollins]

Personally, when i was a kid and wanted to steal something, i would 1. walk into the store 2. put it in my pocket 3. walk out of the store.....always worked for me.

[mathdotcom]

Anyone steal anything lately??

[Chi_archie]

what a master piece

[Inkwell77]

I knew a Klepto in college, he just didn't give a fhuck.

One of my friends was with him one time and they said "Mike" would walk into a 7-11 drunk as shit for a food run. He's 10 beers into his night, doesn't care and puts like 20-50 bucks worth of items into his pants/shirt. They were like no seriously, the guy had so much shit it was unreal, comical.

So he does the robot, walks out of there. He might have stole 20-50 worth of shit and bought one soda, or he might have just walked out. So what does he do? He's sitting in the parking space right outside the 7-11. Doesn't drive away, doesn't care. He pulls a bag of Lays potato chips out of his pocket and

CRUNCH
CRUNCH
He's eating them slowly and louddddddlyyy.

My friend's like who the **** is this guy? Most people would be scared to get caught, they'd steal 5 bucks worth of shit, buy something and drive off in a rage. "Mike" just doesn't give a ****. They said he sat there drunk in his car outside the 7-11 in sight of the cashier until he ate all the food and then he drove off.

I knew another guy who would buy shit, eat it or use it, and then try and return an empty box. He'd buy shit from GNC and then return it when 10% of it's left, or he'd buy a new video game, and then put an old game in the box and return it. The indians working in returns at wal-mart usually wouldn't check to see if the game matches. Freaking thieves.

this is classic

[excel]

good read

[ACoochy]

Anyone steal anything lately??

Haha mathy many many years ago i was a store clerk. We knew of ppl like u and ur racket. We also had a small backroom with a noisy generator from which on a number of occasions i/my boss/both of us would drag said consumer into when no-one was around and show them and their associates y stealing is a bad idea.

Its amazing how much noise a active generator has muffle....

[billyloco]

I went to Culinary school in Ft Lauderdale FL, and worked nights at a 7-Eleven on 17th st causeway. I needed the money to live, but about a week into the job my manager & I would catch shopliters and take their fukkn $$$ and dope too. I would make $395 from 7-Eleven for 36 hrs...B U T make $500/$600 weekly from blackmailing these dumbasses!!

[sickler]

Classic stuff, Mathy. Who needs those booster bags......