- The Packers will beat the Colts in the Super Bowl.
- The Seahawks will come out on a mission, possibly going undefeated in the regular season.
- The 49ers will be undervalued to start the season. Bet on them.
- The Bills, Vikings, Texans, and Raiders will all be vastly improved.
- Tom Brady will teabag Roger Goodell's wife at some point this season. Gisele will watch, while playing with herself.
- RG3 will have a decent season, but the Redskins will still suck.
- Cam Newton will get arrested this season.
- An unnamed player will murder his wife, girlfriend, or mistress. It'll make the Aaron Hernandez story look like jaywalking.
- There'll be numerous players charged with PED use. A big named starting quarterback, too. Possibly Big Ben.
- Michael Sam will come out with shocking revelations about having sex with multiple NFL players. Teddy Bridgwater will be nervous about his name being exposed.
- The Cincinnati Bengals will fail to win a playoff game, again. In spite of that, Marvin Lewis will be given a five-year extension.
- Sam Bradford will have a huge season for the Eagles, if healthy. His health will be determined by Tim Tebow praying hard enough.
- Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariata will both struggle. One will be too dumb, the other won't have the necessary arm strength. Amari Cooper will be the rookie of the year.