It is very near Christmas time. While it would be virtually impossible to give each and everyone here at SBR a gift I thought it very important to at least tell some what I would like to give if it were a more perfect world. Now I realize there have been plenty of list lately and there will surely be more to come, this isn’t really a list per say. It might be in a list format but that is just for ease of reading. If I don’t include you it’s not because you don’t deserve a present it’s just I couldn’t think of anything good to virtually give you.
So here is what I would give if giving were an option.
JJ Gold: JJ it appears you’re always either on the top of everyone’s association when it comes to SBR and I am sure that if truth be told money and gifts mean very little to you since you probably have plenty of one and no concern for the other. So what could I possibly give to you that you don’t already have? I would like to give you a trio of professional units. First one is a Don King piece because you are truly the sports godfather around here. Second one would be a Liberace piece because you are by far the maestro of SBR in video form. Lastly I would give you a Richard Gere piece because then you could pretend to be your own version of the Seer.
Bread: a man of such simple needs. Bread I almost wasn’t sure what I would want to give you and that was making me sad because you are a huge part of SBR as well. So I decided my gift while not seemingly important today may come in very handy in years to come to make sure you have a very long run as a popular contest player, agitator, and power posting mogul. My gift to you is I have put your name on the waiting list for a liver transplant. I know it doesn’t seem like a tangible gift today but soon my friend you will certainly appreciate this.
Robyn: It seems hardly fair to give Bread an individual gift and not include you as well. Especially since Breads gift will undoubtedly prolong your personal hell that you routinely endure like a true champion. Robyn I have filled out you a profile and paid for a 10 year membership in Discrete Encounters. It’s a specialized service that offers luncheon dates with qualified male escorts to fill the voids that a marriage to a degenerate gambling forum posting man child tends to create.
Abe: You my friend and I call you friend because you are. I am giving you a complete box set of the Bea Author collection and a case of Viagra so you can have some special time with Bea and your fading memories.
Nicky Santoro: It would be a waste of time to give you a box set of Seinfeld because I am sure you have it in every format known to man. What I think you need though is a digitally reasserted copy of the Wizard of Oz. I think it would be very good for you to get in touch with your inner lion and get some of that courage you need to actually meet and greet your fellow posters and maybe actually complete something you start.
Zboiz: You are easy to virtually shop for Z. I am getting you a lifetime membership to the Nick Saban fan club. As an added bonus I’m throwing in a weekend trip to Camp Brotherly Love for two. You and your guest (in this case your guest has already been chosen in the form of Ralphie) will spend a weekend learning how to bond as eternal brothers.
Jello: My brotha. I feel you probably have so much already that you too would be difficult to virtually give a gift to. What I finally decoded on though was a lifetime supply of Al Jolson crème. Redbones should always and I mean ALWAYS be female. Light skinned black men should be reserved for Puerto Ricans.
SamsNCharge: Sammy you’ll not appreciate nor understand your gift initially. It may in fact take years to truly understand the thought behind my gift to you. Sammy I am getting SBR to ban you for life. I know, I know this seems harsh. I mean you live for entertaining and conversing with everyone here at SBR. You are fast becoming a future JJ Gold like character and Sammy that is exactly why my gift is so important. You’re young with a life or incredible potential in front of you but Sammy that life will soon become a lifetime of terrible regrets. You’ll wake up one day many years in the future and wonder what you have accomplished and if I didn’t give this gift those accomplishments would not be noticed beyond the viewers here. No-one else will tell you to log off and stay away Sammy because they are selfish and want everyone else to fail as they have.
BadNina: Sweet southern princess. My gift to you is a SEC Championship and a National Title. No, not this year but maybe as soon as next. That’s just your Christmas Eve gift though. Your real gift is a very nice diamond that goes on a very specific finger sometime in the next 3 years. I can’t say it will be the current Mr. Nina but by that time Abe will have forgotten who Bea Author is and be all out of his Viagra and can say those vows. Chances are someone will have to recessitate him and actually say the words for him but you’ll get your ring and he’ll die a happy ol’ codjure.
Fishhead: Fishy you’re a man of means. I mean you have already done it all. You have a huge farm in Iowa, you have supposedly forgotten more about sports wagering then the rest of us will ever know. What could a man like you ever possibly need. My gift is much like my gift to Z. I think you need some quality time Fishy. I think you could use a weekend away with MonkeyFoker so you two can work out your misguided hostilities towards one another and return to SBR are an awesome duo. Bonded for life with mutual respect and a lifetime admiration.
Pavy: You’re a Greek god. You are seemingly the best capper on the entire forum in combined sports. You appear untouchable in every aspect of life. The only thing I could possibly think to give you Pavy is a weeks worth of humility so you could better understand all the turmoil we mere average mortals must go through.
Willie: A simple Texan with a simple life what possible gift could I give to you. I find it hard to come up with a worthy gift Willie. The only thing I could come up with is what everyone gives when they can’t think of anything good. I give you a gift certificate. It is a special certificate that allows you to have any 3 SBR members of you’re choosing to come work a man’s work for you for one week. I don’t know which 3 members have been the biggest thorns in your side so everyone is up for grabs. They will be at your beck and call and have to perform whatever chores you choose for a solid week.
G’sPicks: G’s I considered a bonding experience for you with lakerboy or Z but that would be like rut gifting. You’ll be getting the keys to the SBR point vault. I know it seems like not much thought went into your gift and, your right.
Buztah: My gift for you will take some very real effort. It involves travel because I know you so love to travel. It involves culture because we all know what a vast craving you have for experiencing life. Buzzy you will be deported from Canada and be under city arrest in your new home, Harlem. This is where you will be forced to live out your remaining days Buz. I know you may think this punishment but you would be so very very wrong. It’s truly the gift of giving in this case.
Taco: I am giving you a gift that won't seem like a gift for you Taco. I am giving Pags an open invite back to SBR. Also Pags will be giving unlimited lines of +103 on all favorites for life. Taco I know you'll appreciate this gift in time.
Well it appears my bag is near empty. I really hate that because there are so many more to give to. Maybe some others will catch the spirit of giving and chime in with some special gifts for others that I haven’t been able to include here.
Just in case others don’t join in I guess I could give one more gift that everyone could share.
Florida -5.5
Merry Christmas to all and to all a Happy New Year.
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