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How to ride the bus like a winner
Dress appropriately. Wear your finest gambling hat and trenchcoat. Be sure to apply copious amounts of your chosen fragrance to mitigate the oft times unpleasant smells on the bus.
While at the bus stop, keep your eyes on the ground as there tends to be many loonies and toonies, even bills, at stops. Folks are always digging into their pockets for tickets or change in this location and inevitably lose cash. About 20% of the time, I find a toonie and sometimes a fiver.
The bus arrives. Be sure you are the first to board. Others must wait for you as you are a winner. Do not submit to the sheepish types in their little line.
Look the driver straight in the eyes and stare for a long 5 seconds. Then pay. This establishes you as the one with power. If you pay him without a good hard stare, he will use this against you in future. The driver should be intimidated by you. He is not successful like you. Remind him of that with your hard stare of contempt.
If there are any minorities (particularly young Blacks) on the bus, you should seriously consider foregoing the ride and await the next bus, time permitting. You will have to demand your money back though and such is never pleasant. If you must ride this particular bus, do not make eye contact with said minorities and keep your hands in your pockets, clenching your wallet, keys, other valuables as you walk by them. Always pack some heat when riding in case the scumbags chimp out and threaten your safety.
Ideally, you want to sit at the back of the bus to keep all action in front of you at all times. Your vision is your friend. Utilize it to your advantage.
If you luck out and get the entire back end of the bus to yourself, retain ownership of the whole space by coughing violently (exaggerating flem accumulation) whilst grabbing your throat (as if in pain) whenever anyone approaches your end of the bus at a stop. You want to keep this space as sort of your protective bubble.
Always be mindful of opportunities. Sometimes backpacks, purses, dollarama and/or grocery bags, etc are left carelessly in the aisle or on a seat by a distracted or sleepy passenger. Do not forget to survey the activities of passers by on the streets and sidewalks. There could be money making opportunities at any given turn or bus stop. Pay strict attention!
Once you decide to depart the bus, do so with your head held high and insist on leaving through the front door. This will guarantee that all passengers observe your majesty and leadership and will earn you great respect the next time you choose transit.
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Originally Posted by Muddy
that was great..thx for the advice
