Originally posted on 07/21/2010:

Quote Originally Posted by lasker View Post
LOCK OF THE MILLENNIUM

Hi all, my name here is Lasker but my buddies like to call me Johndon Morrilang. Most touts struggle to have a winning season. I, on the other hand, offer at least three locks of the millennium per day. I'm offering this one to you for free because i'm in debt and could really use the points because I'm generous like that. By the way, I win 97.36% of the time on these plays, and my record is an astonishing 5293857110942 - 0. All documented of course. Don't believe me? How's this for proof:

My original deposit was 25 cents. One month later:



My car and 73rd girlfriend of the month:



When my astounding earnings make my wallet too heavy, feng shui teaches other uses for the spare change:



But this isn't about me, this is about a lock that you'll want to bet your wife and kids on. This is about today's contest between the champion, SBR (sports betting review).com and the challenger LMAOWTF (losers masquerading as opulent winners though failing).com

SBR is listed as the favorite at -95896954182, but they don't stand a chance. You should instead take LMAOWTF at +105, a special offer if you subscribe to a certain bookie through the link on my website (don't check its reviews on SBR... or if you do remember that "F" stands for "Fabulous"). Here is my sharp analysis:

Why do you think SBR is being overvalued in this matchup? Is it because SBR offers regularly updated, unbiased and often detailed reviews of every online sportsbook you could dream of joining? Is it because they offer forums for discussing bets on everything from poker to politics to polo to pinochle? Is it because they offer fun contests and prizes? Is it because the wisdom of Guru Ganchrow and Genie Justin enrich the Handicapper Think Tank with insightful lessons for those honest Joes looking to take a buck or two from The Man for the benefit of mankind? Is it because they give you free points to buy cool stuff just for participating in discussions that are interesting, informative, and potentially profitable? Is it because their smilies are freakin awesome?


The average person might think these are good reasons to back SBR to win. But that's why the average person doesn't use toilet paper made from $100 bills like I do (reminder: see picture for proof). You see, I found a flawless trend that guarantees the upset: in the past LMAOWTF matchups, exactly three days after SBR won and won ATS after going over the wisdom line as the home favorite after which they are favored by the exact line value of -95896954182 on the road vs post-season opponents on wednesdays when the sky was cloudy and three stars appeared that someone named Borislav Jones hadn't notice the night before, LMAOWTF has a perfect record of one win and no losses (not against SBR, but a perfect record is still a perfect record). Therefore, bet on the LMAOWTF.com as today's first lock of the millennium. Remember, even if the lock loses, which is impossible, we'll just double up our future locks of the millennium ad infinitum until we go broke get lucky and win.

Thank me later!
If this guy doesn't get the points after all that typing I feel real bad for him.