[bradthebloke]

whats good on apple pie but not good on hair pie?........the crust

[DaColts]

Knock knock

[DaColts]

Who's there?

[Smoke]

yo momma

[DaColts]

Eat mop

[Smoke]

yo momma who?

[DaColts]

Eat mop who?

[Smoke]

yo momma onmynutsac

[franklee168]

I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

[Sam Losco]

a jewish guy and a black guy are walking down the street, they pass by a beautiful woman
the black guy says "lets screw her"
the jewish guy responds with "screw her out of what?"

[triplecrown333]

lol, last 2 pretty good haha

[DiggityDaggityDo]

A mother is making a cake for her three sons when she accidentaly drpps some BBs from the shelf into the batter. She decides that it won't matter and continues to make the cake.

Later that day, her sons eat the cake and don't even notice the BBs.

The next day, when the mother is reading a magazine on the couch, one of her sons runs in saying, "Mom, mom, I pissed out a beebee!" She says "That's okay, son. I accidentaly dropped some beebees into the cake batter. You'll be fine."

Five minutes later, one of the other sons, come running in and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." But the mother cuts him off and she says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. I dropped it into the cake batter, but you'll be fine."

Then her last son runs in the room, and he says, "Mom, mom, I.." And the mother cuts him off and says, "I know, I know, you pissed out a beebee. It's my fault for dropping it in the cake batter, but you'll be fine."

But then son says, "No, no, I was masturbating and I shot the dog!"

[eidolon]

[stevek173]

Soooooooooooo much good material in here.

[Russian Rocket]

​Is it too late for another entry?

“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” - SteveK173 SBR

[bradthebloke]

jj's bankroll

[Da Manster!]

A mafia Godfather finds out that his accountant has screwed him for ten million bucks. This accountant happens to be deaf, so the Godfather brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather asks the accountant: "Where is the 10 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 10 million dollars is hidden. The accountant signs back: "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the Godfather: "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about." That's when the Godfather pulls out a 9 mm pistol, puts it to the accountant's temple, cocks it and says: "Ask him again!" The attorney signs to the underling: "He'll kill you for sure if you don't tell him!"

The accountant signs back: "OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Vinnie's backyard in Queens!" The Godfather asks the attorney: "Well, what'd he say?" The attorney replies: "He says you don't have the balls to pull the trigger."

[Russian Rocket]

"Hillary by a landslide" - D2bets, Greget & relaaxx @SBR

[Da Manster!]

One of my all-time favorites...a little lengthy but well worth it!...


A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. She promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize, and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So, the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door.

A warm voice said, "Come on in."

When they opened the door, they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the floor, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A large man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?"

"Uh...yes, Sir. We're very sorry about that," The husband replied.

"Oh, No apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a Genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but, if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" The husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it; it's the least I can do. And, I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life! Now you, young lady, what do you want?" The genie asked the wife.

"I'd like to own a gorgeous home, complete with servants, in every country In the world," she said.

"Consider it done, "the genie said." And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"

"And now," the couple asked in unison, "What's your wish, Genie?"

"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife!"

The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, Honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?"

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?"

"You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"

So, the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop sex, he rolled over, looked directly into her eyes, and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"Why, we're both 35," she responded, breathlessly.

"No kidding," he said. "Thirty-five-years-old, and both of you still believe in genies?"

[Smoke]

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.
Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” …. the girl smiled.
At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey has grown hair.”
Her sister smiled and said, “That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas

[Da Manster!]

these are great!...keep'em coming guys!....

[Smoke]

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”

[kingdom]

Mickey Mouse and Minnie are in divorce court. judge looks over all the paperwork and has a perplexed look on his face and says: "mickey, after all these years of marriage, you wanna divorce minnie cause she's crazy?"
Mickey yells back:"no judge, i never said she was crazy! She's fukn Goofy!

[Da Manster!]

A small Southwestern Virginia Wild Animal Park had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the female gorilla became very horny, and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the park veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the park administrators noticed Ed,redneck intern, responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Ed, like most rednecks, had little sense, but possessed ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. So, the park administrators thought they might have a solution.

Ed was approached with a proposition; would he be willing to have sex with the gorilla for $100.

Ed showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Ed announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions.

"First", he said. "I don't want to have to kiss her. Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." The park administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what was his third condition.

"Well," said Ed. "You've gotta give me another week to come up with the hundred bucks."

[Da Manster!]

A Jewish guy, a Catholic guy, and a Mormon guy are sitting in a bar bragging about their virility.

The Jewish guy says "I have 4 sons, one more, and I'll have a basketball team."

The Catholic guy chimes in and says "Oh yea, that's nothing, I have 10 sons. One more for me and I'll have a football team!"

The Mormon guy laughs and goes "Big deal. I have 17 wives. One more and I've got myself a golf course."

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

The Mormon guy laughs and goes "Big deal. I have 17 wives. One more and I've got myself a golf course."

To each their own, but I require a 3-input gal. So I could play a quick 9 with only 3. Just sayin'.....

[importmoon]

How does a Vegetarian tell everybody that he won't eat meat anymore... I Quit COLD TURKEY...

[big joe 1212]

What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch

[Da Manster!]

To each their own, but I require a 3-input gal. So I could play a quick 9 with only 3. Just sayin'.....

true dat!...

[Da Manster!]

Three Hillbillies Billy Bob, Joe Bob and James Earl are sitting on a porch shootin' the breeze.

1st Hillbilly Billy Bob says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. .'

2nd Hillbilly Joe Bob says: 'Why is that stupid ?'

1st Hillbilly Billy Bob says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'

2nd Hillbilly Joe Bob says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of Them new fangled warshin' machines!'

1st Hillbilly Billy Bob says: 'Why is that so stupid?'

2nd Hillbilly Joe Bob says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'

3rd Hillbilly James Earl says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer
Wifes put together! I was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer
Some change, and I found 6 condoms in thar.'

1st and 2nd Hillbillies Billy Bob and Joe Bob both say: 'Well, what's so dumb about that?'

3rd Hillbilly James Earl says: She ain't got no pecker. ​

[Smoke]

A little girl and boy are fighting about the differences between the sexes, and which one is better. Finally, the boy drops his pants and says, “Here’s something I have that you’ll never have!” The little girl is pretty upset by this, since it is clearly true, and runs home crying. A while later, she comes running back with a smile on her face. She drops her pants and says, “My mommy says that with one of these, I can have as many of those as I want

[stevek173]

Jesus.

This is tough to decide.

I'm open to suggestions.

I had no idea this would get this good.

[daneblazer]

There once were two broke fukks who lost their roll on the Green Bay ML. They traveled to Florida where one distracted Uncle Sal while the other took 20k from his attic. They celebrated by betting 5k on Illinois -13 vs Purdue with a local then went to a steak house where they each paid 50 bucks to grill their own steak. They lived happily ever after

[Smoke]

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn’t please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said “I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!” He said, “Explain the kids!”

[stevek173]

There once were two broke fukks who lost their roll on the Green Bay ML. They traveled to Florida where one distracted Uncle Sal while the other took 20k from his attic. They celebrated by betting 5k on Illinois -13 vs Purdue with a local then went to a steak house where they each paid 50 bucks to grill their own steak. They lived happily ever after

Is this a true story?

That sounds true.