[OldBill]

goona be long post so have to use more boxes but get ready to die laughing

So Please Enjoy These 17 Absurd Quotes From Real-Life Customers In The Wild

1."Customer: 'My pizza still hasn’t been delivered! This is inexcusable! I’ll never do business with Pizza Hut again! Now, what are you going to do about this?!' Me: 'I’d be happy to take your order.' Customer: 'What?!' 'This isn't Pizza Hut, Ma'am. This is a Domino’s.'"

2."Me: 'Delivery will be 90 minutes.' Customer: 'I've been waiting for one hour and it's not here yet!"

3."Working at a grocery store, I had a customer come up to the counter and say, 'I want an all-dark-meat rotisserie chicken.'"

4."Had a female colleague transfer a call to me after a customer said they wanted to speak to someone higher up. I answered and introduced myself. He heard my voice and said, "Not another woman! I want to speak to a man who can actually help. You women don't know how to do anything." I proceeded to tell him that the team leaders and head of department were all, in fact, women. Luckily, he hung up after that."

6."I had this with a customer trying to return an item to me at Home Hardware for a brand we didn't carry. He argued to no end and then somehow found the receipt in his wallet. It was a Walmart receipt."

7."A customer once told me that they hoped I died because I refused to issue them a refund for a product they had damaged themselves."

8."I work at Walmart. One time, I went out and caught a dude leaning out of his passenger seat and pissing on the concrete. I calmly said, 'Sir, please don’t piss in our parking lot." And he just said, 'I don’t know what you’re talking about,' as if I couldn’t see the puddle of pee still moving. Customers are insane."

[OldBill]

9."I had a customer ramble incoherently at me and then say, 'You seem trustworthy, so I'm gonna tell you something: I have angel dust in my pocket!' I was pretty new and had no idea how to handle the situation LOL."

10."When I worked for Social Security, I had an older man call in. I asked for his Social Security number so I could get to his account. He refused to tell me, at Social Security, his SSN because he doesn't tell it to anyone. Like, I get it. But when you call SOCIAL SECURITY, the people who GAVE you the number, maybe they might be okay knowing it."

11."I was working my first day as a cashier at a Kmart. A customer brought a book to my aisle. He did not like the price of it, so he THREW the damn book right at me and I actually had to duck. I am not even going to say what words went through my mind, but none of them were very nice. My manager saw the whole incident and marched him out of the store."

12."I was working at a grocery store when a guy came to ask me where the avocados were. Before I could answer, he saw them. I gave a good ole 'Happens to me all the time,' and he said, 'It's okay, I'm dying soon anyways.' Not sure if he was terminally ill or just getting old and making a joke about his age, but there was no smile, no chuckle. I'm usually so chipper and friendly with customers, but I didn't know what to say."

13."When I worked at Target, I was stocking a shelf, and this lady and her daughter wanted to get where I was standing, and the daughter (who was nice) said, 'Let's just go down and around the aisle.' The mom cut her off and went, 'No, it's their job to move for us.' I just walked away into the backroom — otherwise I would have gotten fired."

14."I broke character all the time. One time, a customer told me he was an idiot, so I responded, 'The customer is always right.'"

15."I was working as a lifeguard and went in to save a submerged drowning woman. When I got her to the surface, she started screaming that I was touching her inappropriately (I had just grabbed under her arms to pull her up), and she demanded that I let her go. So I did. And down she went again."

16."I was a call center supervisor. We had a grouchy, chain-smoking woman as a service rep. She transferred a supervisor call to me. The customer was pleasant and said, 'Your service rep was rude to me.' I said, 'I know. I heard her. She retires on Friday, and by the time I could punish her, she'll be gone, so there's nothing I can do.' He said, 'I understand, I would be rude on my last week too.' And I said, 'No, she's been rude her whole life, and I can't wait for her to leave.'"

17.And finally, "When I worked at Home Depot, a pair of older men came into my department. 'How can I help you gentlemen today?' I ask. One of them did a dramatic gasp and grumbled, 'Well, nothing, now that you called us that awful word.' So I said, 'I'm sorry. What can I do for you mudderrrfawkers today?'"

[OldBill]

now the members of yahoo comments

I've spent almost 12 years working for an online retailer and handled most of the customer service. In that time I had more than 1 customer complain about us sending the package to the address THEY provided telling me "You should have known I moved". I had one customer ask if they could change the delivery address to their boyfriend's work, and expected me to know that address. I also had a customer swear up and down she was told she would have her order within 4 hours (from AZ to NY!) , when what she was really told was that if she ORDERED in the next 4 hours and selected rush at checkout we could guarantee it would ship the same day. I had another customer who, after a protracted argument about signature confirmation, told me he was giving me the pull to change UPS's policies.



My time with the company ended last week, I will not miss CS work!

During returns at Target after Christmas I was working housewares returns. One lady tried to return a glassware set that I had verified we never carried. She rotated the box around and then insisted it was our product. She stared me in the eye but I noticed she was trying to pick at something on the box. It was a K-Mart sticker. I pointed this out. She never broke her stare, and repeated, no, I got it here.
I was a CS rep for UPS, when they actually had customer service in 1998ish. Most hilarious thing that people would call about, is the drivers stealing their beanie babies (they were not). Also, had a call from a mother, at Christmas time, that told me that her package of dolls was delivered correctly, but, the dog chewed it up, and there were doll heads/parts, all over her backyard. She wanted us to compensate her, for her little girl having to see scattered doll parts.



I remember when I worked in a retail store in the mall. When it was dead, a guy about in his mid 20's came up to me and asked me "I know I'm a guy and all, but is it okay if I buy this chocolate bar? I know chocolate's normally for girls" I didn't know what to really say to that other than "of course you can, guys can enjoy chocolate too," he kept looking around to see if anyone saw him and said "ok good, please don't tell anyone I got this. The guys would make fun of me so bad if they knew I ate chocolate." I was like "um, okay sure." After I rung him up he thanked me saying "I'll never forget what you've done for me today."



















I was working at a bank as a teller. A man called and wanted to know his bank balance. This was prior to internet banking. Yeah, I'm old. I asked for his account number. He yelled at me and said he had a bunch of money in the bank, so on and so forth. I said that I needed to verify his information before I could give out account information. It was for his own security. He kept yelling and finally asked me what my position was at the bank. I said currently it's vertical. He hung up. He complained and I got a talking to but everyone still thought it was funny (except the customer).

[TheMoneyShot]

Billy... why do you waste your time on this?

[OldBill]

Billy... why do you waste your time on this?

because it's hysterical n true