Need your help boys: Do I tell her I cheated?

**20Four7** · 01-16-08, 05:00 AM

Never own up to nothing brother. If your worried go get checked. As much as you hate the rain coat if you had it on I wouldn't have taken it off. If you own up it's over anyways so if you want it to be over then tell her but she'll be so pissed.

**onlooker** · 01-16-08, 05:25 AM

Too risky these days not to wear a glove, especially in Vegas. Should of kept it on.

But its all on how you feel for this girl, to tell her or not. If you don't want to lose her, do not tell her.

**5 star bomb** · 01-16-08, 06:42 AM

10-12 weeks? that aint shit. Dont tell her anything

**matskralc** · 01-16-08, 06:43 AM

Originally posted by onlòóker

If you don't want to lose her, do not tell her.

If he didn't want to lose her, he wouldn't be participating in a pattern of behavior guaranteed to make that happen.

**thebigguy** · 01-16-08, 06:44 AM

Is this a true story?

**HAPPY BOY** · 01-16-08, 07:13 AM

Baus, my man fvcking bare back a stranger. Dude you got bigger things to worry about than telling ur girl. My advice is don't tell her what u did. When ur in a romantic mood use a condom until u get tested. Definitely go and get yourself checked, but please don't risk making an innocent girl who trusted u sick because you were a bonehead, that would really be bad news. Hope I was able to help and good luck.

**JBC77** · 01-16-08, 07:14 AM

You need help. Message board material?

**magnavox** · 01-16-08, 08:03 AM

Another thing you need to take into consideration.

**Doc JS** · 01-16-08, 08:14 AM

Wrote my answer before I read the other responses...

I'm here with a Doc JS House Call Special just for you!!

In my job, I hear a whole lot of, "Doc, I've never done anything like this before..." and they go on to tell a tale of having screwed around on their wifes/girl friends/significant others without protection and they're, rightly, concerned about STD's.

In my professional opinion, I can say, go get yourself tested now. If the tests are negative, don't say a damn word. Take it to your f'ing grave. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM BARING YOUR SOUL. YOU THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER, BUT SHE'LL NEVER LET YOU FORGET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Now, if the test is positive for chlamydia or GC, etc., you don't really have a choice. You have to tell her, she has to get treatment. Something you might want to try (if your doctor will help you out), if you're positive for GC/chlamydia, tell her you had UTI symptoms and that you went to the doctor and the doctor wants her to get treated too so you don't spread it back and forth having sex. I've seen that strategy work, from time to time, also.

Hope this helps!

Doc JS

**Sportsgirl** · 01-16-08, 08:14 AM

Originally posted by BAUS

Help me out on this one boys.

BAUS

Since you specifically said "boys," I won't comment unless you'd like the female prospective on this ...

**5 star bomb** · 01-16-08, 08:22 AM

Originally posted by HAPPY BOY

Baus, my man fvcking bare back a stranger. Dude you got bigger things to worry about than telling ur girl. My advice is don't tell her what u did. When ur in a romantic mood use a condom until u get tested. Definitely go and get yourself checked, but please don't risk making an innocent girl who trusted u sick because you were a bonehead, that would really be bad news. Hope I was able to help and good luck.

He said they have unprotected sex... huge red flag if he comes back from vegas and starts using condoms with his girl... I agree though you definitely dont want to get her sick and its only fair to her. I say get checked ASAP

**thezbar** · 01-16-08, 09:24 AM

Tell her the truth. You'll find out where the relationship stands. If she really loves you she may forgive you. Three months is not enough time to really get to know someone. You can learn from her reaction if this thing has any legs. That seems to me the proper thing to do.
However the smart thing to do is to keep your mouth shut.
Its your call!

**capitalist pig** · 01-16-08, 09:28 AM

Tell her, and be prepared to say goodbye, cause you will never hear the end of it, even if she forgives you.

later

**The Seer** · 01-16-08, 09:34 AM

Follow Docs Advice. Get yourself checked ASAP. If you would consider spreading something to her you are a sorry SOB. I'm sure you'll do the right thing first and get checked. If you're clean and you care about her then don't tell her. If you don't care, then tell her so she's not wasting her time with you.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 09:37 AM

I'm not as polite as Sportsgirl...I've giving my opinion...you don't have to read it.

Doc JS....wow. Just wow. The effort men put in to treat us like shit amazes me.

Dude, you said you don't want to marry the girl...so what does it matter if you lose her? If you go back and start using condoms, she WILL know. Come on...you think she's really not going to know exactly why you're wrapping it up when she's fully aware of how much you hate them? The truth always comes out. Trust me, I'm a nice girl...and I've with my boyfriend about three months. If he did this, he'd be MUCH better off coming to me and telling me the truth instead of giving me an STD or letting me find out because some skank shows up at his door pregnant.

BUT, at the very least, PLEASE don't sleep with her until you've tested clean....that includes getting the blood work done. HIV, Hepatitis, and Syphilis tests all come from blood work, (not the q-tip up the pee pee test) and those are the worst ones.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 09:38 AM

Originally posted by The Seer

Follow Docs Advice. Get yourself checked ASAP. If you would consider spreading something to her you are a sorry SOB. I'm sure you'll do the right thing first and get checked. If you're clean and you care about her then don't tell her. If you don't care, then tell her so she's not wasting her time with you.

Et tu Seer?

Please explain something to me....how does lying show you care? And if he cared, why did he bang a slut in Vegas?

**The Seer** · 01-16-08, 10:02 AM

Originally posted by swede96

Et tu Seer?

Please explain something to me....how does lying show you care? And if he cared, why did he bang a slut in Vegas?

After I thought more here's what I 'm saying:
He should live with the pain by himself instead of her too if he cares about her. If he doesn't care about her then make some other reason to end it. Don't destroy the poor girl's self image by saying you cheated on her. Just say you don't want it to go any further because you don't see you two being married. At this point I'd just end it anyway unless she likes having casual sex with no strings attached. Why would you want to stay with anyone that you would cheat on. Since he did bang the slut then he probably doesn't care so just break up with her but say some other reason. There's no sense in destroying the girl's confidence.

**Stumpage** · 01-16-08, 10:07 AM

Tell her nothing, and get checked out ASAP...In the meantime, just abstain completely if you can get in for your appointment and get the results soon enough.

Difficult, no doubt, but think of the alternatives. Like has been stated above, if you slap the glove on now, it will no doubt raise the red flags. The only thing worse would be too dive in flesh on flesh, which could be the start of a nightmare of epic proportions.....

**seaborneq** · 01-16-08, 10:26 AM

Don't get checked, don't have sex with your girlfriend. Break up with her right now. You are dragging her along already, let
the young lady find someone who really cares about her, because you don't.

**seaborneq** · 01-16-08, 10:30 AM

SportsGirl, please comment, I consider you and your knowledge very informative.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 10:37 AM

Originally posted by The Seer

After I thought more here's what I 'm saying:
He should live with the pain by himself instead of her too if he cares about her. If he doesn't care about her then make some other reason to end it. Don't destroy the poor girl's self image by saying you cheated on her. Just say you don't want it to go any further because you don't see you two being married. At this point I'd just end it anyway unless she likes having casual sex with no strings attached. Why would you want to stay with anyone that you would cheat on. Since he did bang the slut then he probably doesn't care so just break up with her but say some other reason. There's no sense in destroying the girl's confidence.

Dude, seriously?

That's a cop-out and you know it, Seer. It destroys a girl's self image more to be lied to. Not telling her the truth and finding a stupid reason to break up with her would be to protect his own image, not hers. Look at it this way: When her friends ask "What ever happened to that guy you were dating?" It's better for her to be able to say: "He cheated on me so I dumped his ass." than to say: "I don't know. He broke up with me. He says he was just too busy at work (or insert any other lame excuse)" It doesn't destroy a girl's coinfidence to be cheated on...it's FAR more hurtful to think it's something we did...or he's just not into us, etc...

We really cannot STAND when guys blow us off and claim it's for our own good....or lie to us to protect our feelings. It's bullshit. You lie to protect your own feelings. You lie because you don't want to feel bad about YOURSELF. You don't want to deal with the pain you inflict with your irresponsible actions. I have been cheated on more than I'd like to admit....mostly by one person. He lied...constantly...in fact, we talk from time to time and he still denies it. He's not doing it for me. I have BEGGED for the truth...even since we've been over and he had nothing to lose. I've told him time and time again that it tears me apart that after all we've been through, he can't just tell me the truth. He'll take it to the grave. Why? Because he feels like an asshole. Ultimately, I broke up with him because I knew and I just couldn't trust him. We know these things...lie all you want, women's intuition is real. As long as he doesn't admit it, in his mind he had his heart broken by an insecure bitch. As soon as he admits he cheated, by fears were valid and he got what he deserved.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 10:38 AM

Originally posted by seaborneq

Don't get checked, don't have sex with your girlfriend. Break up with her right now. You are dragging her along already, let
the young lady find someone who really cares about her, because you don't.

You just re-affirmed my faith in the male species...I was beginning to wonder about you guys....

**Sportsgirl** · 01-16-08, 10:39 AM

Originally posted by seaborneq

SportsGirl, please comment, I consider you and your knowledge very informative.

I appreciate that and I'll have to give it right back to you because I totally agree with what you said. People who cheat don't give a crap about anyone but themselves, so why continue to drag this girl along? Tell her/don't tell her, but break up with her and give her a shot at finding someone who cares enough to keep his pants zipped without wasting any more of her time.

I loathe cheaters.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 10:40 AM

One more thing: We are stronger than you give us credit for. Sure, most women wear their emotions closer to the surface than men. We may cry, but that's just us letting it out. We have a good cry, let ourselves be sad for a few days and move on.

**Doc JS** · 01-16-08, 11:31 AM

Originally posted by swede96

Doc JS....wow. Just wow. The effort men put in to treat us like shit amazes me.

Swede,

What did I say that got that response??

Doc

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 11:41 AM

Originally posted by Doc JS

Swede,

What did I say that got that response??

Doc

For starters, you (along with most of the men here) encouraged this guy to lie to a nice girl. You said something to the effect of "no good comes from baring your soul". Which leads me to wonder if half the men here have ever experienced true love...of ever even want to. THEN you told him what excuses to use if he DOES have an STD.

I'm just amazed at the hoops men jump through to lie to us...that's all. I mean, to each his own...and I know men just think differently than women. I fully believe that most of the time when I guy is being an asshole, he truly believes he's doing the right thing....I'm just really thankful for the man I have. He's got his flaws and he's f*cked up big time since we've been together, but he's always fessed up and been honest...which is why he still has his nice girl.

**SBR Lou** · 01-16-08, 11:43 AM

Originally posted by Doc JS

If the tests are negative, don't say a damn word. Take it to your f'ing grave. NOTHING GOOD COMES FROM BARING YOUR SOUL. YOU THINK YOU'LL FEEL BETTER, BUT SHE'LL NEVER LET YOU FORGET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Exactly. If this is a one time thing where you just can't control yourself, better not to tell her, it will only alleviate your guilt but cause her pain. That's pretty damn selfish of you to want to do.

If it were a thing where it kept happening, you should just end the relationship because you're incapable of serious commitment and shouldn't waste her time.

**Stumpage** · 01-16-08, 11:47 AM

...And if you do tell her, make sure you throw in the famous female line:

"It didn't mean anything to me!"

Apparently, this absolves one of any blame and makes everything better.....

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 11:48 AM

1. "I can't control myself." is complete and utter bullshit. If you can't control yourself once, you won't be able to the next time a skank waves the pu**y in your face.

2. It's selfish to tell the truth now? Wowsers. You guys don't understand woman at all...not even a little bit.

3. He is wasting her time anyway...he said that in his first post.

**swede96** · 01-16-08, 11:49 AM

Originally posted by Stumpage

...And if you do tell her, make sure you throw in the famous female line:

"It didn't mean anything to me!"

Apparently, this absolves one of any blame and makes everything better.....

Psst...men say that too. My response: "So you would throw away everything we have for a bitch that means nothing?"

**SBR Lou** · 01-16-08, 11:50 AM

Originally posted by swede96

For starters, you (along with most of the men here) encouraged this guy to lie to a nice girl. You said something to the effect of "no good comes from baring your soul". Which leads me to wonder if half the men here have ever experienced true love...of ever even want to.

What Doc said is true.

Why cause that girl pain because of a mistake you made? All it will accomplish is alleviate the guys guilt, it won't make the girl feel any better. Chances are, it'll crush her. Why put her through that, what good will come of it? If she really cares about him, there's no reason to break her heart. And if he really cares about her, I know you're going to say "he'd NEVER have done it!", but this is the real world. Stuff happens that you don't intend. And if he does really not care about her, and cheats again, he should just get out of the relationship.

**Stumpage** · 01-16-08, 11:56 AM

Originally posted by swede96

Psst...men say that too. My response: "So you would throw away everything we have for a bitch that means nothing?"

I hear ya Swede, and agree completely. But what I'm just saying is that it is a 2 way street here. This thread of course deals with a guy's infidelity, and men can be "pigs" as the saying goes, believe me, I know.

It's just that women do the same of course, though perhaps not in as great numbers, who knows. Anyway, don't want to get in a whole debate, but this type of behaviour is not exclusive to the male of the species. For many, It's human nature, not just man-nature.....

**Doc JS** · 01-16-08, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by swede96

For starters, you (along with most of the men here) encouraged this guy to lie to a nice girl. You said something to the effect of "no good comes from baring your soul". Which leads me to wonder if half the men here have ever experienced true love...of ever even want to. THEN you told him what excuses to use if he DOES have an STD.

I'm just amazed at the hoops men jump through to lie to us...that's all. I mean, to each his own...and I know men just think differently than women. I fully believe that most of the time when I guy is being an asshole, he truly believes he's doing the right thing....I'm just really thankful for the man I have. He's got his flaws and he's f*cked up big time since we've been together, but he's always fessed up and been honest...which is why he still has his nice girl.

Cool, we do not have a problem here!

My first piece of advice was to get tested immediately. He should not have unprotected sex with his nice girl till he knows he's clean. I think we can both agree on that.

If his tests are positive, he either has to: 1) not have sex with her until after he's treated or 2) he has to make sure he gets her treated if she's been exposed via unprotected intercourse before his test results are back. Surely we agree on that, as well.

If his STD tests are negative, I see no particular benefit for him to confess his sins to her. Just don't. My professional experience, and I mean as a doctor in private practice for more than 20 years, is that when men confess their sins of infidelity, it usually doesn't go well. I'm not saying it never goes well, I'm saying usually doesn't go well. It frequently leads to divorce which could have easily been avoided if the man had just kept his mouth shut and walked the straight and narrow in the future. It almost always leads to huge trust issues in the future.

Now, I have no problem with your taking issue with my suggestion that he see if his doc can "help him out" as it were and write his partner the appropriate antibiotics for a "UTI" to cover his GC/chlamydia. I don't do it all the time but I won't tell you that I've never done it, either.

Doc

**Sportsgirl** · 01-16-08, 12:03 PM

Originally posted by crazyl

What Doc said is true.

Why cause that girl pain because of a mistake you made? All it will accomplish is alleviate the guys guilt, it won't make the girl feel any better. Chances are, it'll crush her. Why put her through that, what good will come of it? If she really cares about him, there's no reason to break her heart. And if he really cares about her, I know you're going to say "he'd NEVER have done it!", but this is the real world. Stuff happens that you don't intend. And if he does really not care about her, and cheats again, he should just get out of the relationship.

This is just one girl's perspective, and I don't pretend to speak for all girls, but I have to say that if a guy I was dating cheated on me, it would in no way "crush me" or "break my heart." Finding out would only make me ask myself the following question:

"How is it that you failed to recognize the weak, spineless, creep you've been dating?"

The only guilt would be in not being smart enough to have seen the guy for who he really was from the start. Other than that, my only other response after said man's "revelation" would be:

"Toodles."