How dumb am I?

[reigle9]

point is just take benadryl when you want drugs, you'll pass out

[Cuse0323]

I wish. As a kid it used to knock me out, but not so much anymore. I can take a handful of Xanax, and not even let out a yawn. Was blessed, but mostly cursed being built like a tank. Born with a genetic tolerance to damn near everything since my ancestors must have been slamming down moonshine, smoking opium, popping ludes, and sniffing that white gold. Turns out my dad was a crackhead, so I basically have followed his footsteps. I don’t think he messed with opiates though. But I didn’t think he smoked crack either, so who knows.

Sucks to not even be able to get high. Opiates are a waste. The shit that almost killed my buddy was pure as 18 year old titties. I do 10x what he sniffed, and even slamming it, it did jack shit. I knew it was good though since it almost got me high. Scientists should study me. My brain is on some other shit. Probably just the bipolar mania garbage that doesn’t allow me to shut it off ever, so it keeps me alert and unable to be knocked out by anything.

I’m fckin shot. I don’t know if I love the way I live, or hate it. I think I’m just addicted to living miserably. Like I get some sort of satisfaction out of being stressed, anxious, and hurting. A glutton for punishment. Everything I do is one step away from chaos.

Sometimes I feel like I got some Me, Myself, and Irene shit going on. Like I lose my mind and become a different person. I look into the mirror and I don’t know who the fck I’m looking at. I’m just playing a role depending on who I’m around, or the situation I’m in. I can be a hard working, loyal, upstanding citizen. Then I can be a scumbag thief that will lie his way through anything. Maybe I should have been an actor. I think I’m just acting my way through existence until I finally eat dirt.

[reigle9]

i have the best idea ever

move in with me, steal, and go to sleep

[reigle9]

just got to the me, myself, and irene paragraph...idk wtf that is, but it sounds pretty gay

ive only ever seen the godfather 1 and 2

[Cuse0323]

No lies man, I’ll take a bus to you and move right on in. I gotta get outta this state. I’ll just need to get a job, and good to go.

[Cuse0323]

just got to the me, myself, and irene paragraph...idk wtf that is, but it sounds pretty gay

ive only ever seen the godfather 1 and 2

Some Jim Carrey shit where he has split personality between being a beta cuck who raises his wife’s black kids like they’re his own, and then a Hank Williams listening, big dick swinging bastard.

[reigle9]

it was a joke to ko you, but not like i'd lock the door

[reigle9]

Some Jim Carrey shit where he has split personality between being a beta cuck who raises his wife’s black kids like they’re his own, and then a Hank Williams listening, big dick swinging bastard.

that's a huge split there

[Cuse0323]

it was a joke to ko you, but not like i'd lock the door

All good. I hear ya. I’ll just flee to Vegas, and maybe Bobby can get me a gig cleaning toilets.

[Cuse0323]

It wouldn’t work anyway. I’d be off the crack, but then I’d just be a drunk bastard again hanging out with you. And booze is what really fcks my shit up. Crack I just sleep off, and good to go.

[reigle9]

i could handle the booze, real easy...honestly i think that would be a lot of fun, we'd just beat the shit out of each other and everyone lol

can't get in that drug rathole though

[Cuse0323]

I’m bad enough drinking alone. If I have someone to drink with then it’s over. We will be locked up by the end of the month. My dead buddy and me used to wail on each other when we were drinking. That turned into going out, and looking for trouble. I guess I’ve grown up from doing that shit though, so we may be alright. We can just find some skanks with self esteem issues instead. People still think I’m 18-21, so I can be whatever they want me to be.

[reigle9]

verbatim

[reigle9]

you should work on a farm for real

if i had the physical ability, i think that would be the shit

[reigle9]

apparently calhoun made an entire album with his dweeb friend

country it is

you're from kinda here, be a good ole boy

(i've literally never driven a truck lol)

[Cuse0323]

you should work on a farm for real

if i had the physical ability, i think that would be the shit

I was built to be a farmer really. I’m not work out or gym strong, but more physical labor strong. I can’t bench shit, but I can hammer some shit, and split some wood. My Texas roots. That somehow ended up in a depleted, depressing city, the Cuse. Still love that dump, as it’s way better than this cesspool state. Without the weather, and the beaches, this place is just a drug infested, old folks mental institution, and whore house. Really debating going back home. I can get laid, and try to make it work with my girl. She will keep me off the crack, as she won’t be with me if I’m doing it, so it’s a win win. I can probably get some shit job, but good enough. Just need to figure out where I can live.

[reigle9]

so do it

work on the farm

you get out of line, these people really have their own rules and will shoot you lol

you touch the farmers daughter, she best be taking your last name

[reigle9]

being hillbilly is fun dude

ive never not bought a piece of clothing that wasn't from macy's, and all these retards on here think i'm from alabama lol

fukk dope man, it's fun just drinkin and smokin and living out a good country song

[reigle9]

[Cuse0323]

being hillbilly is fun dude

ive never not bought a piece of clothing that wasn't from macy's, and all these retards on here think i'm from alabama lol

fukk dope man, it's fun just drinkin and smokin and living out a good country song

Bro, you have no issue with sniffing powder, but smoking it, and oh man that’s turrible. It ain’t much different, except for the lifestyle of a crackhead. That’s all it is. Powder seems classy cause the well to do people do it off the club toilet, or the strippers ass, Paco style, on weekends, but it ain’t no different. Just the lifestyle that crackheads lead is different, but that ain’t me. I’m not sucking no dick for it, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. I’m not gonna go out and steal for it. Crackheads do that shit, for sure. But, I just have fun with it while I can, then move on with my life when it’s gone. I do spend way too much on it, and don’t take care of my other obligations, which is an issue. Shit gets expensive quick. I’ll figure it out eventually. Maybe in jail if need be. It’s just so new to me that I haven’t hit rock bottom with it like I did with everything else. I need to realize that it ain’t no different than the other shit, just a substitute teacher with the same ole material as the rest. And the end result never changes. Jails, institutions, or death. That’s my reality.

[reigle9]

yeah the lifestyle is slightly the thing

me blowing coke behind the bar while the bartender walks around outside, saying ok you can have some, and loling at that lifestyle

lil bit different than blowing every cent i have on crack

[Big Bear]

Bro, you have no issue with sniffing powder, but smoking it, and oh man that’s turrible. It ain’t much different, except for the lifestyle of a crackhead. That’s all it is. Powder seems classy cause the well to do people do it off the club toilet, or the strippers ass, Paco style, on weekends, but it ain’t no different. Just the lifestyle that crackheads lead is different, but that ain’t me. I’m not sucking no dick for it, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. I’m not gonna go out and steal for it. Crackheads do that shit, for sure. But, I just have fun with it while I can, then move on with my life when it’s gone. I do spend way too much on it, and don’t take care of my other obligations, which is an issue. Shit gets expensive quick. I’ll figure it out eventually. Maybe in jail if need be. It’s just so new to me that I haven’t hit rock bottom with it like I did with everything else. I need to realize that it ain’t no different than the other shit, just a substitute teacher with the same ole material as the rest. And the end result never changes. Jails, institutions, or death. That’s my reality.

why the fukk would anyone do a line off a toilet?

if I was a coke head and thankfully I’m not, I would get one of those hand held devices that make it easy to take a bump.

I have such an addictive personality so it’s a good thing I don’t get offered coke very often

[reigle9]

You're literally the only person in the world the reads coke in the bathroom and thinks toilet seat

[2daBank]

Bro. You don’t smoke crack fukkin daily. It like something you do every month or 2 when you buy a oz of coke and go nuts for 3 days!! Wtf you doing? Jfc if you want crack every day you not doing enough in one sitting! Fukk man. Didn’t realize we were talking bout being a crack head here. That is not good. Binge your coke then leave it alone for a month or whatever like a normal person!!!! Who the Fukk even wants to be cracked out daily??

[reigle9]

banker lets go fukk up this guy

[2daBank]

banker lets go fukk up this guy

He god damn needs it! I mean most would prob call me a drug addict but that wrong in the sense I use drugs to function properly in society not go broke smoking fukkin Rock instead of doing what I’m supposed to be!!!

I’m kinda getting pissed off more I read. Cuser ok ppl but this is not a wise path talking bout crack isn’t so bad but needing to borrow money, I don’t think he sees how soon till that dries up and he doing foul shit just like w other drugs he been into!!

It takes a certain type Mfer to be able to handle drugs and stay on a wise path. I do not think he one these ppl.

Happy turkey day pal. Stop smoking rock, it not a daily event.

[Cuse0323]

He god damn needs it! I mean most would prob call me a drug addict but that wrong in the sense I use drugs to function properly in society not go broke smoking fukkin Rock instead of doing what I’m supposed to be!!!

I’m kinda getting pissed off more I read. Cuser ok ppl but this is not a wise path talking bout crack isn’t so bad but needing to borrow money, I don’t think he sees how soon till that dries up and he doing foul shit just like w other drugs he been into!!

It takes a certain type Mfer to be able to handle drugs and stay on a wise path. I do not think he one these ppl.

Happy turkey day pal. Stop smoking rock, it not a daily event.

Thing is, is that I never do the foul shit. When I’m out of money, I’m out. I don’t boost shit, or go around begging. Same with all drugs, even when I was dope sick every day, I never did grimy shit to get right. But, you’re not wrong. I probably ain’t one of those people to stay on a wise path. I’m self destructive as a motha fcka. I basically do something daily that could get my ass booted to the curb and have me living in the woods with the other bums. I don’t smoke daily, but I go all out for like two days until my money is gone. It’s all gone now. I made it out in one piece, so time to get back to reality. No clue how I still have a job. I was on edge today. No sleep and busy as balls for turkey day. I got shit done though, but I couldn’t contain my anger for my coworkers. They’re lazy as fck and I just wasn’t having it today. So be it. I said what I wanted to say. I may be a crackhead ass drunk bastard, but I work hard. Not gonna sit back and have them tell me I’m not doing shit when they couldn’t even handle their cake work that they made sure they got, while putting me with the two new fcks in a role they aren’t ready for. Fck it. Hope y’all had a good turkey day.

[Cuse0323]

yeah the lifestyle is slightly the thing

me blowing coke behind the bar while the bartender walks around outside, saying ok you can have some, and loling at that lifestyle

lil bit different than blowing every cent i have on crack

You’re right. Still I think it’s funny that powder is seen as a classy drug for rich white folk, while crack is for the poor, usually black, fiend. Sniff some coke, oh well, everyone does it. Smoke a rock and god damn you’re a junkie. It’s like molly, and ecstasy. Same shit, at least it should be, but if you do molly these days then you’re good, Shit, rappers think it’s cool so why not. Pop some E, and you’re a raver queer. Xanax too. Drake rapped about it, so Xans are cool and overpriced now. Klonopin or Valium is for addicts though. In the end, I just like to feel good. Turns out that crack does it for me. It is what it is. I’ll learn the hard way, as usual. Will be fun to read this in a few years if I’m still kicking.

[Bostongambler]

Cuse you should hook up with the thing that is living in Richas’s attic.

[gauchojake]

Don't forget that the alternative to the jails, institutions, and death is sobriety. I know I know no one wants to do that boring shit.

[Cuse0323]

Don't forget that the alternative to the jails, institutions, and death is sobriety. I know I know no one wants to do that boring shit.

I somehow have to find fun in sobriety or I’m gonna end up sober in prison. Prison sobriety can’t be better than normal life sobriety, so I need to do something, and fast. I may be too late as it looks like I’m probably gonna go to jail unless the judge just waits a few days for my court date. Then he may send me anyway. I should be writing a note tonight, but damn I’m lazy. I gotta be done. I’m sick of the shit I have to deal with just to get high. It ain’t worth it. Not even gonna post the shit I’ve been doing, as it will just piss y’all off even more. I know everyone who still reads this shit is done caring, and rightfully so. I’m just documenting this shit for future me. I’ll have a helluva story someday when I’m helping other addicts out.

I’m 5-0 with way more units than anyone else in the pick 6, so if Seattle -3 hits tomorrow then that’ll be 6 hundo for me. Too bad I don’t have BTC linked to my bank yet, as that would solve one major issue for me. I’ll need it though if I end up fleeing this place. Gonna deposit it and try to run it up to like 5K. That should allow me to house myself for a bit until I find a job and shit. Won’t post where I’m headed in case someone reads this shit, but anyone who knows me well will know where I’m going.

[gauchojake]

One of the things that I was asked to do early in sobriety was to write down a list of recreational things that I enjoyed. Then when I was bored and thinking about getting loaded, I went and did one of the activities. Honestly never thought I would enjoy life sober, but that couldn't be further from the truth.

You know what you have to do.

[Cuse0323]

I don’t enjoy anything except gambling, drugs, booze, and hoes. I’ve been on something since I was 13, so I haven’t really had any hobbies or passions. Except sports, especially basketball. I need to get back into playing. That’s the only thing I can think of that I might enjoy. You’re right though. I do know what I need to do. One crisis averted so far. They loaned me $440, so I can give back the $300 I owe. As long as I make it home with it. Already spent $110, so no margin for error in my decision making. Gonna try to call it night here soon, and just head home to watch the MNF game.

[gauchojake]

Reigle's benadryl suggestion is actually a great one. I was using booze to sleep every night so when got off I couldn't sleep. I also had a lot of shit hanging over my head so I was stressed to the max. 5 HTP and Benadryl was a safe way for me to get some relief and sleep without booze or hard pills.

Start with basketball. Grab a piece of paper and a pen and just start thinking of all the shit you would like to do if you could. You are in the best State in the US for fishing - maybe that's another one.

[Bostongambler]

I think basketball is the key, or any other sport/exercise that will make you feeling better. And give you a good nights sleep.

Good luck