Advice on life changing decision needed

[WvGambler]

Alright gentlemen,

So my wife and I are discussing our bills for the upcoming month, and we're both bitching about the cost that we pay to put both of our kids through daycare. Remember now, I live in Wv....so the number that I pay may not seem astronomical to some of you, but around here its a huge amount. We pay about 1500 a month for daycare. It's a good daycare, and we wouldnt want them to go to another one. Around here, we could afford an extra home worth about 250,000 bucks with that money.

So the wife says to me "why don't you just stay at home with the kids. I can work a little overtime and we can save about 18,000 a year. If you want to, you can get a part time job or something like that."

Immediately this sounds like an unbelievable idea, as I could stay at home all day, and both of my kids are actually good kids who arent a hassle to be around. I could do this until they are in school, and then regroup. The only problem is....I have a job that I can actually draw a pension from and retire someday. These arent easy to come by in todays working world. Should a guy under 30 worry about that? Christ, somebody tell me what they would do here. "Stay at home dad" does sound good, and my wife does make a good living. I make about 40,000......which equates to 22,000 a year after daycare. Wh not just stay home, and work a little on the side?

Remember 40,000 a year in my area is considered very comfortable, middle class. When you add my wifes income, we are doing very well for ourselves.....but that 1500 a month is killing me to just give away to someone for watching my sons.

[VegasInsider]

Oh man...that's a tough one. If you feel like you have the skill set to reenter the workforce and won't have much problems finding another job, then go for it. If you feel like you're lucky to have that job and pension...don't give it up.

Very tough situation. Very cool though that your wife suggested it.

[will2survive]

You said that you're "not even 30 years old"? You have a long way to go for a pension. You'll be reliant on your wife. Can you handle that? Could she ever turn on you and say "I make all of the money". Will you get bored from not getting out everyday? Each individual is different. Is your wife's job "very secure"? The worst thing is to be at someone else's mercy. Nobody knows your life. Only you can decide what's the correct decision.

[Zuon]

Alright gentlemen,

So my wife and I are discussing our bills for the upcoming month, and we're both bitching about the cost that we pay to put both of our kids through daycare. Remember now, I live in Wv....so the number that I pay may not seem astronomical to some of you, but around here its a huge amount. We pay about 1500 a month for daycare. It's a good daycare, and we wouldnt want them to go to another one. Around here, we could afford an extra home worth about 250,000 bucks with that money.

So the wife says to me "why don't you just stay at home with the kids. I can work a little overtime and we can save about 36,000 a year. If you want to, you can get a part time job or something like that."

Immediately this sounds like an unbelievable idea, as I could stay at home all day, and both of my kids are actually good kids who arent a hassle to be around. I could do this until they are in school, and then regroup. The only problem is....I have a job that I can actually draw a pension from and retire someday. These arent easy to come by in todays working world. Should a guy under 30 worry about that? Christ, somebody tell me what they would do here. "Stay at home dad" does sound good, and my wife does make a good living. I make about 40,000......which equates to 4,000 a year after daycare. Wh not just stay home, and work a little on the side?

Remember 40,000 a year in my area is considered very comfortable, middle class. When you add my wifes income, we are doing very well for ourselves.....but that 1500 a month is killing me to just give away to someone for watching my sons.

How old are you?

[Michael Ferro]

I agree with survive. you know the deal in wv. and your marriage. I also think you know exactly what you want or need to do. Good luck! You know what to do.

[Housemoney]

How old are the kids? How many years would you need to take off before they hit school?

[bookie]

Can I ask, roughly, what you do?

I"d say it's a no brainer. Stay home. Do stuff with your kids, you'll never regret having done that. Also, you can probably save money by shopping and cooking a little more frugally once you have the time. Finally, learn a little bit about web design and social media. Maybe take a couple of classes on those topics. The whole world is going online, and if you know how to move around in that domain you're going to be a lot more employable (or entrepreneurial) when you decide to get back on the horse.

[WvGambler]

All good points. I do feel strongly about my ability to reenter the working world, but our area isn't exactly a Mecca of good paying jobs, and this one would be tough to replace.

Yes being dependent on someone else is frightening but my wife isn't the type to complain. Especially since this is her idea and I supported her through two college degrees. Of course we can't predict the future though. Her job is pretty secure...as much as anyone can really say that.

I am 29.

[WvGambler]

I work in child abuse investigations.

[BatemanPatrickl]

No job is secure man; not in today's economy. My brother's wife does not work and trust me it has aged him 15 years. He does very well (Top 5%) but I wish he didn't have to worry about the $700,000 home or the $30,000 a year private school.

If you fail to plan you are planning to fail.

[WvGambler]

Kids are 3 and newborn

[zam77]

If you've already habituated to the expense then I recommend sticking with your current routine and keeping your job. I've got 3 kids gambler and they are 4, 6 and 8. Kids only get more expensive. Think of paying for your daycare as a break in session for what's to come. We send our kids to a private school, and as much as it puts a damper on the budget, it's definitely preparing us for what's to come and also helping us figure out to stay ahead. When she goes to work next year when all the kids are finally in school, let's just put it this way... life will be good.

Every situation is different though... kids are great but it can get stressful being around them 24/7.

[minet123]

I would keep the job and bite the bullet on the day care for a few years

[Swinging Johnson]

Can I ask, roughly, what you do?

I"d say it's a no brainer. Stay home. Do stuff with your kids, you'll never regret having done that. Also, you can probably save money by shopping and cooking a little more frugally once you have the time. Finally, learn a little bit about web design and social media. Maybe take a couple of classes on those topics. The whole world is going online, and if you know how to move around in that domain you're going to be a lot more employable (or entrepreneurial) when you decide to get back on the horse.

This is the best advice from Bookie. Think about these things:

1. Can you see yourself in that same job 20-30 years from now in order to collect the pension? Yuck. Sounds like you've locked yourself in for life. Maybe you will be there but when you think like that, you put blinders on your dreams and limitations on your opportunities.

2. Spend time with the kdis. You'll never get that time back. Sure kids can be a handful at times but no one ever said on their death bed, "I wish I spent more time at the office."

3. Great point by Bookie about expanding your skill set with courses for our online world. You could wind up owning your own business and the sky is the limit.

-Pull the kids out, get a part-time gig and enjoy your children and thank your wife.

[rem sleep]

Hire a babysitter for minimum wage.

[Housemoney]

Kids are 3 and newborn

In the past it made sense for one parent to stay home. You have already stated the reasons. In today's economy, you would be crazy to leave a stable job. What if your wife lost her job? I asked the ages because a lot of employerers will give you a leave of absence if you are a good employee.

Is there no way you or your wife can adjust your work week, so you don't have to pay for 5 days of daycare?

[William Walters]

WvGambler..........something else to keep in mind is how your wife will respond to the added pressure of being the sole financial provider. I'm in San Clemente, CA (coastal area) and my wife stays home with our two young sons (5 & 7). The pressure of a large mortgage, private schools, and all the other expenditures at times has me on absolute overload. I do my best not to bring it home, but at times being a dickhead is unavoidable. If your wife is like most women.........who just don't do well with never-ending pressure/stress............you may want to think about how your marriage/family may potentially be effected.

[No coincidences]

Tie goes to staying at home.

I work a second shift so I'm home with my kids during the day. I wouldn't have it any other way.

As long as you're on the exact same page with your wife, whatever decision you make will be fine.

[bobby heenan]

hire a part time nanny for help.....someone in high school or something ...like the "baby whisperer" from that move Life As We Know It(i know i know...ive seen it)......then stay glued to the laptop all day, with like 5 windows open, checkin sbr and lines all day....

i secretly dream of a day where i could be a stay at home dad and do this

[WvGambler]

Looks like all the level headed, rational people are on SBR today...I appreciate all the feedback.

My wife could alter her schedule some, I could Not. We are trying to avoid never being home at the same time though. She doesn't want to work nights, and me days. I guess she doesn't want to lose out on watching me post in the evenings.

[No coincidences]

Looks like all the level headed, rational people are on SBR today...I appreciate all the feedback.

My wife could alter her schedule some, I could Not. We are trying to avoid never being home at the same time though. She doesn't want to work nights, and me days. I guess she doesn't want to lose out on watching me post in the evenings.

Seriously, though, as long as you and your wife communicate here and work together, you can't lose. That's the key -- no regrets or resentments. But honestly dude, if you have the itch to be at home with the kids and feel like you're missing out on a more meaningful and fulfilling experience -- not just because of the money -- I'd seriously consider making that change.

Good luck!

[WvGambler]

Seriously, though, as long as you and your wife communicate here and work together, you can't lose. That's the key -- no regrets or resentments. But honestly dude, if you have the itch to be at home with the kids and feel like you're missing out on a more meaningful and fulfilling experience -- not just because of the money -- I'd seriously consider making that change.

Good luck!

[cant call it]

Become stay at home dad until school starts. In the meantime you can plant reefer in the wv hills to grow and ship to fellow sbr members for a small nominal fee. The extra money from this will go towards food, bills, and the occasional hooker that comes through when the kids are sleeping. By the time the kids start school you will be much higher in the sbr rankings and possibly be offered a job in CR for SBR after bobbyfk goes on his coke rampage in atlantic city.

[JerseyLove]

Put it all on red my friend

[WvGambler]

Become stay at home dad until school starts. In the meantime you can plant reefer in the wv hills to grow and ship to fellow sbr members for a small nominal fee. The extra money from this will go towards food, bills, and the occasional hooker that comes through when the kids are sleeping. By the time the kids start school you will be much higher in the sbr rankings and possibly be offered a job in CR for SBR after bobbyfk goes on his coke rampage in atlantic city.

I see we've both been having the same Bobby dreams.

[opie1988]

First off, I'll start by saying I'm totally and completely in love with my kid. I have a 3 year old daughter, and she's absolutely been the pleasure of my life. I am able to watch her a lot during the day while I'm working (or posting), and I also carry her around to jobs with me when possible. In fact, I started taking her to jobsites when she was literally 1 week old. (FYI...Take a newborn with you to a construction site if you want to freak some people out!!)

This being said, I know your kids are great in every way, but the truth is little kids will drive you completely batshit insane after a prolonged period. I'm not in anyway saying this as a negative about kiddos......I love them.....but its simply a fact of life with toddlers. Its not their fault, but they simply require all your attention, and have an attention span of about 20 seconds. I'm just concerned that 5 days a week, every week, all day long would eventually drive you out of your fukking mind!!

Lastly.....and again, I'm just being a realist here......you need to think about the sacrifice your taking getting rid of your career and future pension. I know your wife is awesome, and you love each other very much, but on the remote chance things were to change......where would that leave you? I know this isn't even on your radar, but trust me......shit happens all the time. This isn't a popular opinion....especially probably for your wife.......but its something that needs to be discussed. Ideally, this would be drawn up in a legal document.

Again, absolutely no ill will meant here in anyway. Just trying to be a realist.

[daimoshokage]

First off, I'll start by saying I'm totally and completely in love with my kid. I have a 3 year old daughter, and she's absolutely been the pleasure of my life. I am able to watch her a lot during the day while I'm working (or posting), and I also carry her around to jobs with me when possible. In fact, I started taking her to jobsites when she was literally 1 week old. (FYI...Take a newborn with you to a construction site if you want to freak some people out!!)

This being said, I know your kids are great in every way, but the truth is little kids will drive you completely batshit insane after a prolonged period. I'm not in anyway saying this as a negative about kiddos......I love them.....but its simply a fact of life with toddlers. Its not their fault, but they simply require all your attention, and have an attention span of about 20 seconds. I'm just concerned that 5 days a week, every week, all day long would eventually drive you out of your fukking mind!!

Lastly.....and again, I'm just being a realist here......you need to think about the sacrifice your taking getting rid of your career and future pension. I know your wife is awesome, and you love each other very much, but on the remote chance things were to change......where would that leave you? I know this isn't even on your radar, but trust me......shit happens all the time. This isn't a popular opinion....especially probably for your wife.......but its something that needs to be discussed. Ideally, this would be drawn up in a legal document.

Again, absolutely no ill will meant here in anyway. Just trying to be a realist.

Great post Oper

[thechaoz]

+1 to Oper's post.

[No coincidences]

No that's a good post opie, and definitely things to consider.

I like being with my kids instead of taking them to a sitter, but I also like going to work after a full day with them. If I were at home all day every day without any deviation from the mean, our arrangement would probably be much less enjoyable.

[WvGambler]

Good post Opie. I have the same thought process. Before my wife started working, we would kick around the idea of my staying home...and your concerns (which are the same as mine ) have kept me from doing it so far.

I don't want to become frustrated with my kids or resentful of my wife after 6 months because I feel trapped in the house.

I have a lot to consider, and without sounding selfish, I do still need to make sure I could provide for myself and kids if something unforeseen were to happen between my wife and I.

Can't say it enough guys, excellent posting in this thread.

[WvGambler]

If I were home, I wouldn't miss the afternoon game.

The way I've been picking, id have to lower my units to 10.00 with all the available TV action.

[Grits n' Gravy]

Keep the job. At some point the wife is going to see you as a nuisance who sits at home all day doing nothing but post on sbr. When this happens, you are out on your ass.

Maybe ttwarrior could babysit for you. It's not like he's employed. Just put some lettuce in their pockets so he won't try and eat them.

[WvGambler]

fukin snorted like a hog at the warrior part.

[blackbeSSt]

$1500 a month PER kid? i know you said you don't want them to go anywhere else, but thats nucking futs for daycare man

[King Mayan]

Might as well quit your job, the tea baggers will hate on your job soon......