do you plan on drinking sept 21-24??
How dumb am I?
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RudyRuetiggerSBR Aristocracy
- 08-24-10
- 65084
#211Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#212Last drink was 9:30 this morning. Just had like a third left of a shit a rita, so finished it off. My last real drinking was done by 12:45 AM. All rough estimates.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#213Great question. I don’t know man. Hopefully my girl is home and we can do the sober thing together. She told me before she left we aren’t hanging out if I drink. If it’s just me, and my minimal friends don’t wanna chill, then yeah I’ll probably end up drunk.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#214Somehow I lost my work pants and uniform. It’s baffling. Would those punks break in my house just to steal those two things.
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PittsburghPlayerSBR Hall of Famer
- 01-11-10
- 6760
#215if he planned on not drinking those dates then there might be room for concern
Cuse, saw on South Park some years ago, that assholes like me and you that occasionally drink too much and boot too much heroin
are not supposed to stop drinking, only slow down
heroin is a gateway drug to weed, beware!Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#216Bought a fifth. Work wore me out, and pissed me off. I’m just getting boned there. Only gonna game a few shots, and maybe watch a movie. Debating who to go all in on tomorrow. Yanks or Indians. I’m a square fav bettor so Yanks probably, but I like the Indians here. Just hard to go all in on a pretty substantial dog.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#217if he planned on not drinking those dates then there might be room for concern
Cuse, saw on South Park some years ago, that assholes like me and you that occasionally drink too much and boot too much heroin
are not supposed to stop drinking, only slow down
heroin is a gateway drug to weed, beware!
My brain is all fcked though is the only reason I don’t want to bring a youngin into this world. A minute in my head would have a sane man wishing for death. Not really, but I’m out there. No clue how I’m alive. I tried all my 20’s to die without actually having to be a bum and do it myself. I figured liver failure, or an OD would have people feeling a little better and maybe start some pointless organization for mental health and drug abuse. I was there with the liver failure, but stupid hospital. Could take these 30 MGs of Xan, pound this fifth, take all my subutex, my sleep meds, and I’d just stay up and watch Scream 3 or some shit. They don’t have the second one on Netflix. Pretty gay. I’m in the mood to watch horror flicks, and I watched the first the other night. Anything good on Netflix? I’m pretty annoyed I didn’t just come home, and go to sleep. I’m not gonna drink much at all. I’ll get this eventually. I need to get to meetings, and chat with Jake.Comment -
Sol DiabloSBR Sharp
- 09-03-12
- 489
#218Weed just ain’t for me. Maybe if I went to some fancy legal shop, and got something to relax. Tried this CBD crap. Bogus in my eyes. I need real drugs. Xanax barely touches me. Heroin does nothing. Fent, meh. Is okay if the good stuff. Alcohol, I need a fifth to just feel anything. I should have kids. These genes shouldn’t die off. I’m a beast. I don’t feel pain. Built through years of ancestors who drank, fought, gambled, worked hard, and beat their wives. I’m ending that one. Never will I do that.
My brain is all fcked though is the only reason I don’t want to bring a youngin into this world. A minute in my head would have a sane man wishing for death. Not really, but I’m out there. No clue how I’m alive. I tried all my 20’s to die without actually having to be a bum and do it myself. I figured liver failure, or an OD would have people feeling a little better and maybe start some pointless organization for mental health and drug abuse. I was there with the liver failure, but stupid hospital. Could take these 30 MGs of Xan, pound this fifth, take all my subutex, my sleep meds, and I’d just stay up and watch Scream 3 or some shit. They don’t have the second one on Netflix. Pretty gay. I’m in the mood to watch horror flicks, and I watched the first the other night. Anything good on Netflix? I’m pretty annoyed I didn’t just come home, and go to sleep. I’m not gonna drink much at all. I’ll get this eventually. I need to get to meetings, and chat with Jake.
I'm not sure I have any answers for you. I wish I did.
But just from an outsiders perspective on your situation.. You are on a road to rock bottom or death. Don't do anything stupid. Rock bottom is rock bottom. But it's not the end.
A few days of sobriety and a couple of meetings isn't gonna do it for you. Ive read enough from you to know that.
I know it's tough right now. Especially because your mom is proud of you. But you gotta put that pride down. And the pride she has in you. Because it's built on lies. You might be better off now than where you were at one point. But look where you are now. Is it any better?
Take this for what it's worth. It might not be much because I'm a stranger that doesn't know you. But you need to lay it all down and start over. Get the penetrate out of whatever you are doing now. Call your mom and lay it down. Again. Even if you have done that before. Just tell her everything. Be honest. Might be your last bullet, but use it.
Go live with her and start over. Again if that's the case. Just get right man. I'm pulling for you. Be well.Last edited by Sol Diablo; 08-17-19, 01:13 AM.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#219You seem like a genuinely good dude. Been reading your posts for awhile. Sorry you are going through this man.
I'm not sure I have any answers for you. I wish I did.
But just from an outsiders perspective on your situation.. You are on a road to rock bottom or death. Don't do anything stupid. Rock bottom is rock bottom. But it's not the end.
A few days of sobriety and a couple of meetings isn't gonna do it for you. Ive read enough from you to know that.
I know it's tough right now. Especially because your mom is proud of you. But you gotta put that pride down. And the pride she has in you. Because it's built on lies. You might be better off now than where you were at one point. But look where you are now. Is it any better?
Take this for what it's worth. It might not be much because I'm a stranger that doesn't know you. But you need to lay it all down and start over. Get the penetrate out of whatever you are doing now. Call your mom and lay it down. Again. Even if you have done that before. Just tell her everything. Be honest. Might be your last bullet, but use it.
Go live with her and start over. Again if that's the case. Just get right man. I'm pulling for you. Be well.
I really am doing so much better than in the past. I have to hide this rough patch from her and get out of it. Before she left me here alone for NY things were good. Well, they weren’t bad. I just have no friends here. I’m a loner, but even a loner needs companionship. I could say so much more, but it’s really hard to get across the situation.
The booze isn’t even a 100th of how bad it once was. That’s an excuse I use to drink again. I’m gonna get this under control. I have great help from my addiction doctor even though I’ve lied to them throughout. But, I was near tears last time and laid it all out. I see him again Tuesday. I have to try AA, and really go all in, but it always makes me wanna drink. Another excuse there. Anyway, I appreciate the well wishes. Jails, institutions, or death. That’s my future. I’m trying to get away from that.
I really want my girl to get sober, and to love me, and we can make something together. That’s a bitch thought, but it is what it is.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#220Scream 3 is awful too, damn. Drinking and trying to watch something good but I took an earlier shift since I got ganked. I’m bugging all my coworkers to switch with their earlier shifts, or take shifts when I’m off in general.Comment -
BallerholicSBR MVP
- 01-16-13
- 2767
#221Wait are most posters really saying don't tell the girl?!?! Grown ass men respected on this forum saying that if you cheat don't tell? Even Cuse wants to tell his girl and he's drugged out his mind.
What if your GF or Wife cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know? Or would you just want to act like a cuck and not know?Comment -
juicernameSBR Hall of Famer
- 10-14-15
- 6906
#222Wait are most posters really saying don't tell the girl?!?! Grown ass men respected on this forum saying that if you cheat don't tell? Even Cuse wants to tell his girl and he's drugged out his mind.
What if your GF or Wife cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know? Or would you just want to act like a cuck and not know?Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#223Wait are most posters really saying don't tell the girl?!?! Grown ass men respected on this forum saying that if you cheat don't tell? Even Cuse wants to tell his girl and he's drugged out his mind.
What if your GF or Wife cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know? Or would you just want to act like a cuck and not know?Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#224All in on the Cubs. I really like this Pirates team. They fck me either way I play em, but not sure why they’re so bad. The line is just too high. I don’t get it. So to me that says a Cubbies win. Let’s bring it Lester! Sucks I had to force one between this game, or the Yanks/Tribe. I had the Yanks plugged in last night at a way better number than they are now, and hit cancel, so they win with ease.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#225Wait are most posters really saying don't tell the girl?!?! Grown ass men respected on this forum saying that if you cheat don't tell? Even Cuse wants to tell his girl and he's drugged out his mind.
What if your GF or Wife cheated on you, wouldn't you want to know? Or would you just want to act like a cuck and not know?Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#226Tempted to throw my $100 FP on the Tribe. Just have a feeling they win today, but the fact that I chickened out last night on the Yanks probably means otherwise.Comment -
jtolerBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-17-13
- 30967
#227not a drug specialist or anything but I think with things that are addictive and with the psychological and physical dependency of it I think underneath it all we are still clinging to the sense that we have it under control. although we as humans are in control of our limbs and have free will and have mastered a lot of things I think the beginning of mastering addictive dependencies is when we come to the conclusion that this is something I cant control once that realization sinks in its easier to just submit, give up, and say you know what drug, you win. when I quit smoking I had to admit defeat that a always lead to b and b wasnt a positive thing. when I was younger dad used to smoke I hated that he did and he would always say this is my last pack and of course it never wasnt, when I got older I used to say the same thing and I realized that he meant what he said just as I used to mean what I said, but of course what was happening was that the nicotine was already in your system and at that moment the urge to smoke and the deceptive ability to quit appears easy until of course the nicotine subsides from the system and the desire to smoke arises again. the nicotine mixed with chemicals have such a psychological and physical component to it.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#228not a drug specialist or anything but I think with things that are addictive and with the psychological and physical dependency of it I think underneath it all we are still clinging to the sense that we have it under control. although we as humans are in control of our limbs and have free will and have mastered a lot of things I think the beginning of mastering addictive dependencies is when we come to the conclusion that this is something I cant control once that realization sinks in its easier to just submit, give up, and say you know what drug, you win. when I quit smoking I had to admit defeat that a always lead to b and b wasnt a positive thing. when I was younger dad used to smoke I hated that he did and he would always say this is my last pack and of course it never wasnt, when I got older I used to say the same thing and I realized that he meant what he said just as I used to mean what I said, but of course what was happening was that the nicotine was already in your system and at that moment the urge to smoke and the deceptive ability to quit appears easy until of course the nicotine subsides from the system and the desire to smoke arises again. the nicotine mixed with chemicals have such a psychological and physical component to it.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#229Cubs won though!Comment -
The KrakenBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-25-11
- 28918
#230not a drug specialist or anything but I think with things that are addictive and with the psychological and physical dependency of it I think underneath it all we are still clinging to the sense that we have it under control. although we as humans are in control of our limbs and have free will and have mastered a lot of things I think the beginning of mastering addictive dependencies is when we come to the conclusion that this is something I cant control once that realization sinks in its easier to just submit, give up, and say you know what drug, you win. when I quit smoking I had to admit defeat that a always lead to b and b wasnt a positive thing. when I was younger dad used to smoke I hated that he did and he would always say this is my last pack and of course it never wasnt, when I got older I used to say the same thing and I realized that he meant what he said just as I used to mean what I said, but of course what was happening was that the nicotine was already in your system and at that moment the urge to smoke and the deceptive ability to quit appears easy until of course the nicotine subsides from the system and the desire to smoke arises again. the nicotine mixed with chemicals have such a psychological and physical component to it.
The amounts I was taking was ridiculous. But i decided I was done and that my biggest accomplishment in this life would be to know I beat my addiction. I never sumbitted or admitted I was helpless because i wasn’t.
Reality is I just wasn’t ready to quit. I enjoyed the drugs and the booze. I kept adding drugs to the mix, more blow, more fent patches, more oxys, more jamo, and one day Id been up almost a week straight and that was it. I realized at that moment my life was so much worse off because of the drugs n booze, which is the exact opposite of how I felt on them. On them my problems were gone, felt good. But the highs got less high, and the $$$ spent went up just to get half a good high. And then the weeks of wd’s. Basically I was paying stupid money to suffer for weeks. The $$$ I spent on my addiction is staggering, I cant even begin to guess how far over $100,000 I went. Financially I could afford to continue but psychologically I was done.
Just offering a different perspective. There is no one way nor a correct way to beat addiction. Ya just do or ya don’t. Some wean, some go cold turkey. Some submit, some fight like hell. But we all struggle and its never easy despite the path you take.Last edited by The Kraken; 08-17-19, 05:35 PM.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#231For me it was the opposite of what you’re saying but roe many Im sure you’re correct.
The amounts I was taking was ridiculous. But i decided I was done and that my biggest accomplishment in this life would be to know I beat my addiction. I never sumbitted or admitted I was helpless because i wasn’t.
Reality is I just wasn’t ready to quit. I enjoyed the drugs and the booze. I kept adding drugs to the mix, more blow, more fent patches, more oxys, more jamo, and one day Id been up almost a week straight and that was it. I realized at that moment my life was so much worse off because of the drugs n booze, which is the exact opposite of how I felt on them. On them my problems were gone, felt good. But the highs got less high, and the $$$ spent went up just to get half a good high. And then the weeks of wd’s. Basically I was paying stupid money to suffer for weeks. The $$$ I spent on my addiction is staggering, I cant even begin to guess how far over $100,000 I went. Financially I could afford to continue but psychologically I was done.
Just offering a different perspective. There is no one way nor a correct way to beat addiction. Ya just do or ya don’t. Some wean, some go cold turkey. Some submit, some fight like hell. But we all struggle and its never easy despite the path you take.Comment -
allabout the $$$SBR Hall of Famer
- 04-17-10
- 9843
#232You talk all this shit of how your giving up drinking and drugs and here you are back at it again. Its penetrating pathetic bro. Your better than this. Unfortunately your gonna wind up dead or in jail at the rate your going and it doesn't make me happy to say that I just think its reality at this pointComment -
BostongamblerBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 02-01-08
- 35581
#233Yes Cuse, get a grip man.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#234I’m not fckin running around shooting dope anymore. I’m having some drinks at home. You know, legally. I went to hang out with those fcks cause I’m bored and lonely here. Bought a few Xans. Sue me. And for the record. I cannot be killed by drugs and/or alcohol.Comment -
jts1207SBR Hall of Famer
- 12-15-16
- 8011
#235Peeps trying to help you ......waste of timeComment -
The KrakenBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-25-11
- 28918
#236Not at all a waste of time. If you think it is, then why you wasting your time posting in here?
I knew for years I needed to quit, but I wasn’t ready. This shit dont happen over night or in a week, or one fukking thread.
Its a series of life events, its hearing other peoples stories that have been where you been and figured a way out of it, and its those things that help someone get to the point where they actually believe they can do it and actually wanna quit....
Its nothing you can really understand unless you been through it. And if you have been through it, you’d never think its a waste of timeComment -
allabout the $$$SBR Hall of Famer
- 04-17-10
- 9843
#237Not at all a waste of time. If you think it is, then why you wasting your time posting in here?
I knew for years I needed to quit, but I wasn’t ready. This shit dont happen over night or in a week, or one fukking thread.
Its a series of life events, its hearing other peoples stories that have been where you been and figured a way out of it, and its those things that help someone get to the point where they actually believe they can do it and actually wanna quit....
Its nothing you can really understand unless you been through it. And if you have been through it, you’d never think its a waste of timeComment -
allabout the $$$SBR Hall of Famer
- 04-17-10
- 9843
#238You cant be killed by drugs? Seriously stfu because you can. Would you like to talk to my friends who died from taking uppers and downers in the same night? You cant they are dead. Tell their families drugs cant kill youComment -
The KrakenBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-25-11
- 28918
#239When all I've seen is I wanna quit and he keeps doing it then it is a waste of time. Why complain about what you are doing to yourself if you're not trying to change. He has said how many times in this thread he wants to get help but yet he keeps doing the same shit. If your not ready then dont whine about it. Keep doing the same shit over and over again then cry tomorrow about how you fukk up. Dont want to hear it.
He more than likely wants to quit and he wants to use, and thats pretty fukking normal. The fact he’s even saying he wants to quit is huge. That is a step in the right direction. Cuser knows he cant do this forever or he doesn’t want to, but the dude has realized be wants to quit.
Question for all of us is how do we want to quit more than we want to use, and thats a different answer for each of us.
As foe drugs not being able to kill ya, they can, they will and they are Cuse. They’re just doing it slowly and you know that. I get that you might not be able to OD and I think thats what you were talking about, but you’re fukking up your body.
And one day you’re gonna go beyond repair and fukk up your liver to an extent and it doesn’t get better, and you’ll be jaundiced and nauseous all the time, and they’ll put you on lactulose every day to shit your brains out so your ammonia doesnt get too high, and you’ll wish you quit when you knew you should’ve
It aint too late yetLast edited by The Kraken; 08-18-19, 12:49 AM.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#240When all I've seen is I wanna quit and he keeps doing it then it is a waste of time. Why complain about what you are doing to yourself if you're not trying to change. He has said how many times in this thread he wants to get help but yet he keeps doing the same shit. If your not ready then dont whine about it. Keep doing the same shit over and over again then cry tomorrow about how you fukk up. Dont want to hear it.
Kraken gets it.
jts is right though. This is a waste of time. The only person who is gonna help me is me. There’s no magical words out there for any of y’all to make me have an epiphany. I’m gonna do this slowly, but surely. Or maybe I won’t. That’s addict life. I’m just having some drinks and some Xanax bars. If you knew me in like 2012-2017, then you’d be amazed that was all I was doing.Comment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#241Because thats the process of going from being an addict to not being an addict. Many people, myself included, wanted to quit 100 times before I ever did. I get the frustration but sometimes its baby steps my man. Small strokes fell great oaks.
He more than likely wants to quit and he wants to use, and thats pretty fukking normal. The fact he’s even saying he wants to quit is huge. That is a step in the right direction. Cuser knows he cant do this forever or he doesn’t want to, but the dude has realized be wants to quit.
Question for all of us is how do we want to quit more than we want to use, and thats a different answer for each of us.
As foe drugs not being able to kill ya, they can, they will and they are Cuse. They’re just doing it slowly and you know that. I get that you might not be able to OD and I think thats what you were talking about, but you’re fukking up your body.
And one day you’re gonna go beyond repair and fukk up your liver to an extent and it doesn’t get better, and you’ll be jaundiced and nauseous all the time, and they’ll put you on lactulose every day to shit your brains out so your ammonia doesnt get too high, and you’ll wish you quit when you knew you should’ve
It aint too late yetComment -
Cuse0323BARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-09-09
- 30169
#242Last I’ll say is that this shit is not easy, nor fun, and nothing I would wish on anyone. Will power doesn’t exist with addiction.Comment -
The KrakenBARRELED IN @ SBR!
- 12-25-11
- 28918
#243I get the OD thing.
I used to always be the first to try new blow in case it had Fentanyl in it. I could always tell, that feeling is unmistakable,
but no way in hell would I OD on it. Anyone else I ran with woulda died had they tried it before me, and we got blow more than once that had Fent mixed in.
Most pll just know what they read on yahoo, they dont know though.Comment -
Sol DiabloSBR Sharp
- 09-03-12
- 489
#244
I love beer, love alcohol. I love being numb. Love the escape.
Drank too much for a stretch and had to look it square in the eye. Went through the whole I'm never gonna do this again phase. Etc.
But I'm lucky because Ive never been physically addicted to anything Ive loved. Through the years Ive come to a spot that works. Sober 5-6 days a week. Then splurge on the weekends. That in and of itself takes some discipline for someone who would love to be numb more often. But I would rather live life like that. Treat myself to some relaxing weekends. Remain disciplined. Keep it under control.
Every few months detox it all out for a couple weeks. Keep eating healthy. Keep working out.
Most that love to drink can't manage it like I have. So I'm lucky I guess.Comment -
Sol DiabloSBR Sharp
- 09-03-12
- 489
#245With that said. Most can't do what I do. That doesn't make me better than you or anyone.
Different wires.
Some people just need to lay in down and penetrating stop. Or die.
Hope you figure it out bro. I'm rooting for you.Comment
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