How dumb am I?

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 03:50 PM

Originally posted by mikejamm

Indeed man, little kids being around that shit is the worst. Just speaks to the power of addiction, and people who put drugs above all else, even the safety of their own kids.

And even if his mom is clean, exposing her child to what you said, the dredges of the land, is never smart. You gotta a take a step back man and remove yourself form those situations.

And for god’s sake man, stay away from fentanyl! That shit is made in China and is killing people every day. Who knows what kind of poison they’re making that junk with, one bad batch and it’s over.

It’s a battle everyday to stay clean man, keep fight’in the good fight and you’ll make it. Great look’in greyhound you got there man, be there for her and your mom bro.

Thanks Mike. Finishing my last few beers today, and that’s it. Meant to be done last night but I bought too many. I got this. Went and got myself a bank account today. Doing grown folks things. Setting myself up to succeed. Just gotta get through these next 3-4 days. I will.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 03:53 PM

Originally posted by pablo222

Good luck Cuser. Seems like your in a tough spot and you are gonna have to work to get to where you need to be. Put the work in.

You should be proud that you got yourself to where you are so don't fukk it up.

You try that CBD oil? I was drinking too frequently a couple years ago and was miserable on my off days and it helped take the edge off.

We all want to see you succeed (even jammer!?!?), so use that as some motivation to do what you have to.

Weirdly enough, right before I pissed the money away, I bought some CBD oil. I vape it, and don’t notice much. Maybe I should just do it sublingual. I think it helps a little bit, but hard to tell when you’re going through withdrawals. I do appreciate all the love and support. I’m not gonna let y’all down.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 03:59 PM

I won’t get into why fentanyl can’t kill me cause no one believes me, but no worries there. My mom doesn’t deserve to stress over that again. It doesn’t even get me high anyway. I was born with tolerances like a tank.

**allabout the $$$** · 08-14-19, 04:26 PM

Throw the penetrating beer out. I keep seeing excuses as far as I bought too many or if 20 peeps tell me not to drink I won't. That's bullshit if you want to quit dump and and start withdrawing today. Not tomorrow , or Monday. TODAY!

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 05:14 PM

Originally posted by allabout the $$$

Throw the penetrating beer out. I keep seeing excuses as far as I bought too many or if 20 peeps tell me not to drink I won't. That's bullshit if you want to quit dump and and start withdrawing today. Not tomorrow , or Monday. TODAY!

I hear ya man. I just need this last hurrah. Another excuse. Beer doesn’t do shit for me but start the withdrawals anyway. I’m just gonna enjoy these last two. It is what it is. I know I’m being dumb about it. I’d like to make it to like 8 or 9, so then I can take some benzos and sleep. Then the fun begins in the AM. I do hear you loud and clear though. It’s just what I’m gonna do, dumb and all. If I don’t get a buzz one last time then I’ll be telling myself in a week that I never got to go out with a bang.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 05:17 PM

Wish I lived near you $$$, so you could come kick my ass for being a fool.

**The Kraken** · 08-14-19, 05:39 PM

The beers are fine, I never threw my oxy out 😂 I just decided one day when I ran out that I was done. I was ready for that chapter of my life to be over, and it is. Wasn’t fun getting here, but Im having a blast now.

**thechaoz** · 08-14-19, 05:43 PM

Originally posted by Cuse0323

This is a long story. I started drinking heavy again over a week ago. Got to the point to where I was drinking at work again. I had to or I wouldn’t be able to work. Then I’d have to go to detox with no insurance, and my dog sits at home and dies. I could have boarded him, yeah, but I could barely function.

So, I know the rough areas around here and go on the benzo search. At this point I have $1100. I turn down Shady near the 711 that I know is shot, and what do you know, some hoe waves me down. I ask if she can find them, she says yes of course, and I’m feeling good. Somehow it leads to me getting blown for 40. Whatever. I have to tell my girl that now. I’m pissed at myself, it wasn’t worth it at all. Fckin sucks.

We get to the spot, she asks for 20 for the connection and I say sure. She comes back in with some wrinkly ass fake trying to hustle me to give her a real one. I wasn’t having it. Probably the only correct decision I made all day.

Anyone wanna hear how I ended up at 0 then I’ll write more. I always need advice on if I should just let it go, or fck shit up and end up in jail.

I need a computer, fck writing on a phone.

Damn man I thought I was a disaster.

Protech, use voice text it's so much easier.

Just say "period" or "comma" etc

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 05:51 PM

Originally posted by thechaoz

Damn man I thought I was a disaster.

Protech, use voice text it's so much easier.

Just say "period" or "comma" etc

Man, if they wrote a book on the shit I have done, then maybe people would stay away from everything.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 05:57 PM

I once took 54 MGs of Xanax, 300 MGs of Oxy, and drank a liter of Jameson in less than an hour. I can’t be killed. So fentanyl ain’t shit. I was shooting it daily and not getting high. I really wanna give it one last go when I go back to the Cuse. There’s no bad batch. My spot is always the same. Carfentanil baby!

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 05:59 PM

It did kill my weak best friend, but his dumbass did Ketamine beforehand.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 06:03 PM

Alright, this is it boys. A Natty Daddy to go out with. My go to when I was broke, and paying with change cause they were a buck in the Cuse. Then it’s goodbye to booze, and hello to life.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 06:34 PM

How dumb you say? I think I’m gonna get a pint of Jamo to go out with my favorite.

**allabout the $$$** · 08-14-19, 07:38 PM

Originally posted by Cuse0323

Wish I lived near you $$$, so you could come kick my ass for being a fool.

Bro I'm not a fighter anymore. I like to help people who want help and it really doesn't seem like you do. I just hope you wake up every day.

**Auto Donk** · 08-14-19, 08:03 PM

thread upgrade.....

stand by:

thread upgrade complete.....

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 10:23 PM

Originally posted by allabout the $$$

Bro I'm not a fighter anymore. I like to help people who want help and it really doesn't seem like you do. I just hope you wake up every day.

I swear that I’m done tomorrow man. I have to be. I want to be. I must. It’s time.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 10:26 PM

And I really do enjoy your wisdom. No joke. I know I seem like I’m fckin around, but I just had to go out with one last time.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 10:29 PM

Finishing my Jamo. Bought a pizza. Haven’t ate in a while minus scraps at work. This is it.

**gauchojake** · 08-14-19, 10:38 PM

I was in my hotel room last night plugging in a Roku that I travel with. I look behind the TV and what do I find? 4 beers. The temptation never ends, but the obsession does. I have found more drugs and booze when I have been sober than you can imagine. I don't really believe that there's a "devil" per se, but man there are some freaky things that happen to lead you down dark paths.

I hope you can find some peace pal.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 10:51 PM

Originally posted by gauchojake

I was in my hotel room last night plugging in a Roku that I travel with. I look behind the TV and what do I find? 4 beers. The temptation never ends, but the obsession does. I have found more drugs and booze when I have been sober than you can imagine. I don't really believe that there's a "devil" per se, but man there are some freaky things that happen to lead you down dark paths.

I hope you can find some peace pal.

Thanks Jake. I just made a video pouring out my beer, but YT doesn’t work for me. I still have my Jamo to finish, and that’s all she wrote. Maybe not a Devil, but something evil is lingering out there for us. I wouldn’t be able to do this without you guys. Not even kidding. I need to be held accountable. I’m gonna get into AA. If it works for you, then I have to give it a shot. I actually love the meetings I’ve been to at rehabs. I’m just nervous when it’s outside of rehab. Group, and the few I have went to are rough. Talking about booze, makes me wanna drink. I don’t wanna be a dry drunk either. Regardless, I’m gonna give it my best shot. I owe myself more.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 10:56 PM

I definitely got my last hurrah. I’m drunk, and
got to drink Jameson.

**Cuse0323** · 08-14-19, 11:45 PM

12:43, booze is gone. Let’s do this.

**Cuse0323** · 08-15-19, 12:44 AM

Lied. Got two gay a ritas. Just not tired. Slamming these and hopefully sleep.

**jts1207** · 08-15-19, 07:04 AM

This thread is pathetic

**Big Bear** · 08-15-19, 08:20 AM

Originally posted by Cuse0323

12:43, booze is gone. Let’s do this.

cheers mate

I’ll quit gambling until December 15 to pay homage

**Cuse0323** · 08-15-19, 08:21 AM

Originally posted by jts1207

This thread is pathetic

Ain’t gonna see me saying otherwise.

**Cuse0323** · 08-15-19, 08:24 AM

Originally posted by Big Bear

cheers mate

I’ll quit gambling until December 15 to pay homage

I just wanna get drunk, high, hit the card room. This shit sucks already, and it has barely started. Can’t get any fckin sleep. Almost wish I had to work to get my mind off of it.

**Big Bear** · 08-15-19, 08:24 AM

Originally posted by Cuse0323

Ain’t gonna see me saying otherwise.

once you agree there is no disagreement

that is sales 101 baby

**Cuse0323** · 08-15-19, 08:33 AM

I know people think this shit is easy, and pathetic. Those people haven’t drank like a real alcoholic. Wish they had to deal with just 5 minutes of the withdrawals. I’m not cruel, so just 5. Then this wouldn’t be so pathetic. Everyone thinks they’re tough pounding a 30 rack over the weekend. Sleeping it off, then back to work. Talk to me when you drink two or more liters a day. All day, everyday. But, that’s pathetic so why would anyone do that. These benzos ain’t cutting it. Fck.

**Cuse0323** · 08-15-19, 08:38 AM

I’m giving it until noon. If I can’t sleep then I’m going another day drinking. I need sleep. If I get a good nights sleep then start the pills, I’ll be fine. The lovely mind of a sick fckin pathetic prick.

**pablo222** · 08-15-19, 08:50 AM

We know it isn't easy, Cuse. I don't have the answers for you, but you said you didn't want to let down the people that have supported you here. But you are the one that is going to have to fight.
You know this is going to be a fight, so get the fighters mindset and be ready to battle every hour of every day.
Hopefully after a few days or so it becomes easier and easier.
Take the positive advice from here and the positive progress you have made over the last few months and build off of it.
Find some things you can do to take your mind off of it a bit. Maybe excessive excersise even in the hell that is a florida summer.
Maybe if you physically exhaust yourself it will make it a bit easier.
Good luck buddy. You have a lot of people rooting for you.

**pablo222** · 08-15-19, 08:54 AM

Originally posted by jts1207

This thread is pathetic

Not as pathetic as hitting about 15 percent of posted baseball picks this summer.

**jts1207** · 08-15-19, 08:57 AM

Originally posted by pablo222

Not as pathetic as hitting about 15 percent of posted baseball picks this summer.

Nah...this thread is pathetic. 15%? hardly guy

**firedawg** · 08-15-19, 09:07 AM

Originally posted by pablo222

Not as pathetic as hitting about 15 percent of posted baseball picks this summer.

JTS isn't happy unless he's taking jabs at people
He's a miserable fukk
And 15% is pushing it

Lol

**Big Bear** · 08-15-19, 09:10 AM

Originally posted by Cuse0323

I just wanna get drunk, high, hit the card room. This shit sucks already, and it has barely started. Can’t get any fckin sleep. Almost wish I had to work to get my mind off of it.

get ya a real estate text book and start reading

it’s the best sleep remedy known to mankind