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Funny joke thread!

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  • Da Manster!
    SBR Posting Legend
    • 07-13-07
    • 17720

    #36
    A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper.

    The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit."
    Comment
    • OldBill
      SBR Hall of Famer
      • 11-02-21
      • 6402

      #37
      17 yr old wants dad to buy him a car dad says does your dick reach your ass hole kid says no

      on and on it goes dad ask again does dick reach your ass hole yet? Finally kid after few months more dad ask again kid says yes Dad says GOOD Now go eff your self!!!
      Comment
      • Da Manster!
        SBR Posting Legend
        • 07-13-07
        • 17720

        #38
        It was the week before Christmas at an elementary school. The teacher says "OK kids. Where do you parents hide your Christmas presents?"...Little Juan raises his hand first..."Go ahead Juan" says the teacher. Juan replies "My parents hide my Christmas presents in the attic!". Teacher says "why do you say that?" Juan replies "because I'm always allowed up there every day of the year except around Christmas time!". Everyone claps and teacher thanks Juan for sharing. Next up is Susie. "Go ahead Susie" says the teacher. Susie replies "My parents hide my Christmas presents downstairs in the basement!" Teacher says "why do you say that?" Susie replies "because I'm always allowed down there every day of the year except around Christmas time!". Everyone claps and teacher thanks Susie for sharing. Last but not least, little black Tyrone raises up his hand. Teacher says "go ahead Tyrone". Tyrone says "My daddy hides my Christmas present inside his pants!" The teacher emphatically says "Why do you say that?!" Tyrone says "because last year I asked for a 10-speed bike and my dad grabs his crotch and tells me I got your 10-speed bike right here!"
        Comment
        • Da Manster!
          SBR Posting Legend
          • 07-13-07
          • 17720

          #39
          All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one that should be in charge.

          "I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

          "I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."

          "I should be in charge," said the stomach, "Because I process food and give all of you energy."

          "I should be in charge," said the legs, "Because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

          "I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."

          "I should be in charge," said the asshole, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

          All the other body parts laughed at the asshole and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic.

          They all decided that the asshole should be the boss.

          So what's the moral of the story?

          Even though the others do all the work, it's the asshole who is usually in charge.
          Comment
          • Da Manster!
            SBR Posting Legend
            • 07-13-07
            • 17720

            #40
            How come when a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say "Congrats!"
            But yet none of them ever come and touch the man's Penis and say "Well done!"
            Comment
            • Da Manster!
              SBR Posting Legend
              • 07-13-07
              • 17720

              #41
              The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her".

              The man replied "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife." The agent said "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home."

              Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls! After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. "Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks!" he said. "I had to strangle that bitch to death!"
              Comment
              • DwightShrute
                SBR Aristocracy
                • 01-17-09
                • 102391

                #42
                Comment
                • OldBill
                  SBR Hall of Famer
                  • 11-02-21
                  • 6402

                  #43
                  guy walks in bar with his horse other customer says i bet i can make your horse laugh for $100 bucks the owner says ok your on

                  whispers in horses ear the horse is brayinnng all over the place kicking feet and stuff then guys says i bet i can make your horse cry $100 bet

                  owner says ok he takes horse in mens room horse comes out bawling like baby

                  so the owner says ok how did you do that!

                  1st he said i told your horse i had a bigger D*** then what did you in bathroom I showed him
                  Comment
                  • Da Manster!
                    SBR Posting Legend
                    • 07-13-07
                    • 17720

                    #44
                    ^^^...Bro, that joke is so old, when it first came out The Dead Sea was only sick!
                    Comment
                    • Da Manster!
                      SBR Posting Legend
                      • 07-13-07
                      • 17720

                      #45
                      Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope. The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time. I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use. I'll see you back in court Monday."

                      On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever!" "Seventeen people? That's wonderful! How did you do it? "

                      "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o. Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs." "That's admirable!," says the judge.

                      Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?" "Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever!" "Wow!" says the judge. "156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

                      "Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says. "I drew two circles like this: o O. Then I pointed to the little circle and said, "This is your asshole before prison..."
                      Comment
                      • TheGoldenGoose
                        SBR MVP
                        • 11-27-12
                        • 3745

                        #46
                        Comment
                        • 19th Hole
                          SBR Posting Legend
                          • 03-22-09
                          • 18845

                          #47
                          God asks Bush: "What do you believe in?"
                          Bush answers: "I believe in the free market, and the strong American nation!"
                          "Very well," says God. "Come sit to my right."


                          Next, God asks Obama: "What do you believe in?"
                          Obama answers: "I believe in the power of democracy, and equal rights for all."
                          "Good,” says God. "You shall sit to my left."


                          Finally, God asks Trump: "What do you believe in?"
                          Trump answers: "I believe you're sitting in my chair."
                          Comment
                          • 19th Hole
                            SBR Posting Legend
                            • 03-22-09
                            • 18845

                            #48
                            1. "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!
                            2. She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
                            Comment
                            • OldBill
                              SBR Hall of Famer
                              • 11-02-21
                              • 6402

                              #49
                              GG that movie is most classified with mathhew broderick everyone he meets they say was your best eveer including lives of your friends for one beautiful day .......... imagine pulling off that stunt in restaurnt and u had no reservations the sausage king of chicago a meal that cost 100's of $$$ FREE with apolgies from the matre' D

                              swing batter batter swing
                              Comment
                              • Da Manster!
                                SBR Posting Legend
                                • 07-13-07
                                • 17720

                                #50
                                An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake...He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl with a 'Billy-Club'. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy... Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?" The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!"
                                Comment
                                • Da Manster!
                                  SBR Posting Legend
                                  • 07-13-07
                                  • 17720

                                  #51
                                  Three old men were sitting down having a few drinks and a friendly conversation. "Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old. "You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!" "Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!" "Actually," said the 80-year-old, "80 is the worst age of all!" "Do you have trouble peeing too?" asked the 60-year-old."No, not really. I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all." "Do you have trouble crapping?" asked the 70-year-old. "No, I crap every morning at 6:30." With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so tough about being 80?" "I don't wake up until 7:00!" replied the 80 year old.
                                  Comment
                                  • Da Manster!
                                    SBR Posting Legend
                                    • 07-13-07
                                    • 17720

                                    #52
                                    Lmao wait for it waaaait fooooor iiiiit.




                                    Last edited by Da Manster!; 12-11-23, 11:29 AM.
                                    Comment
                                    • Da Manster!
                                      SBR Posting Legend
                                      • 07-13-07
                                      • 17720

                                      #53
                                      Evil tomato!...looks just like Linda Blair from "The Exorcist"!...



                                      ======================================== =================
                                      Comment
                                      • stevenash
                                        Moderator
                                        • 01-17-11
                                        • 65203

                                        #54
                                        A naked blonde walks into a bar with a poodle under one arm and a two-foot salami under the other. She lays the poodle on the table. Bartender says,'I suppose you won't be needing a drink.' Naked lady says...
                                        Comment
                                        • Da Manster!
                                          SBR Posting Legend
                                          • 07-13-07
                                          • 17720

                                          #55
                                          A show of hands, please! How many times has this happened to you!...

                                          Comment
                                          • Da Manster!
                                            SBR Posting Legend
                                            • 07-13-07
                                            • 17720

                                            #56
                                            Comment
                                            • Da Manster!
                                              SBR Posting Legend
                                              • 07-13-07
                                              • 17720

                                              #57
                                              Comment
                                              • DwightShrute
                                                SBR Aristocracy
                                                • 01-17-09
                                                • 102391

                                                #58
                                                Comment
                                                • b1slickguy
                                                  SBR Posting Legend
                                                  • 11-24-11
                                                  • 11959

                                                  #59
                                                  Sylvester Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were discussing making a new movie that's a drama, rather than an action film. Arnold said, "How about a movie about the great composers?" The others agreed that it was a great idea. They discussed who they were going to play. "I'll be Beethoven," said Stallone. "I'll be Mozart," said Jean-Claude, "What about you, Arnold?" they asked. Schwarzenegger replied, "Don't make me say it, boys!”
                                                  Comment
                                                  • slewfan
                                                    SBR Posting Legend
                                                    • 10-01-15
                                                    • 15763

                                                    #60
                                                    Guess who's president of the United States.?. He's not sure. hahahahaha
                                                    Comment
                                                    • b1slickguy
                                                      SBR Posting Legend
                                                      • 11-24-11
                                                      • 11959

                                                      #61
                                                      <blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">����*♂️�� Their dad lays next to any balls that get hit into their backyard.. �� <br><br> <a href="https://t.co/9dSFQt2aeQ">pic.twitter.com/9dSFQt2aeQ</a></p>&mdash; NUCLR GOLF (@NUCLRGOLF) <a href="https://twitter.com/NUCLRGOLF/status/1807907234585739605?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" >July 1, 2024</a></blockquote> <script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
                                                      Comment
                                                      • slewfan
                                                        SBR Posting Legend
                                                        • 10-01-15
                                                        • 15763

                                                        #62
                                                        Joe Biden went to a debate, But he never knew it.. hahahaha
                                                        Comment
                                                        • DwightShrute
                                                          SBR Aristocracy
                                                          • 01-17-09
                                                          • 102391

                                                          #63
                                                          <blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-media-max-width="560"><p lang="en" dir="ltr">Live on TV in Germany during England VS Slovakia UEFA European Championship match; English football fans can be seen indulging in nose candy, otherwise known as cocaine. ⛷️<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/breaking?src=hash&amp;ref_src=twsrc%5Etf w">#breaking</a> <a href="https://t.co/ByR5VT7K09">pic.twitter.com/ByR5VT7K09</a></p>&mdash; Wrld Watchr (@wrldwatchr) <a href="https://twitter.com/wrldwatchr/status/1807739325917913254?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw" >July 1, 2024</a></blockquote><script async src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js" charset="utf-8"></script>
                                                          Comment
                                                          • 19th Hole
                                                            SBR Posting Legend
                                                            • 03-22-09
                                                            • 18845

                                                            #64






                                                            Comment
                                                            • stevenash
                                                              Moderator
                                                              • 01-17-11
                                                              • 65203

                                                              #65
                                                              What does a lawyer get after taking Viagra?

                                                              Taller.
                                                              Comment
                                                              • 19th Hole
                                                                SBR Posting Legend
                                                                • 03-22-09
                                                                • 18845

                                                                #66
                                                                An Irishman walks into a bar. He orders two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.

                                                                The next day, the Irishman returns, orders another two shots, drinks them both, and then leaves.

                                                                He continues to do this for some time, when one day the bartender questions him, “How come you always order exactly two shots?”

                                                                The Irishman replies, “Well, you see my brother and I used to go out drinking every night, but he lives across the country now, so I order two drinks every night. One for myself, and one for my brother.”

                                                                Things remain the same for a while until one day the Irishman comes in and orders only one shot.

                                                                The bartender becomes concerned and asks him “how come you’re only ordering one shot?

                                                                Did something happen to your brother? Is he ok?”


                                                                The Irishman replies, “of course not, my brother’s fine. I just quit drinking”
                                                                Comment
                                                                • 19th Hole
                                                                  SBR Posting Legend
                                                                  • 03-22-09
                                                                  • 18845

                                                                  #67
                                                                  Comment
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