UFC 96: Jackson vs Jardine
KEITH JARDINE +260
QUINTON JACKSON -320
How about this match up? First you have Rampage, a bat shit crazy felon fugitive who runs from the police. **-Tang Forever! And then his opponent, The Dean of Mean, a former bounty hunter, who I guarantee wears flannel shirts at all times outside of the gym, and who looks like a meth user. ****ing Awesome. Felon vs Bounty Hunter.
Jardine's former life
QUINTON JACKSON -320
How about this match up? First you have Rampage, a bat shit crazy felon fugitive who runs from the police. **-Tang Forever! And then his opponent, The Dean of Mean, a former bounty hunter, who I guarantee wears flannel shirts at all times outside of the gym, and who looks like a meth user. ****ing Awesome. Felon vs Bounty Hunter.
Jardine's former life
How does The Dean of Mean win this fight? Well, first off he doesn't. Is there any possibility? Sure. His hooterific sidekick jumps into the cage and beats down Rampage with her ginormous set of 42 FFF's. Can you imagine getting bopped in the head with those melons? Instant coma.
QUINTON JACKSON -320 (better bet is Rampage inside 3rds -150)
SHANE CARWIN +145
GABRIEL GONZAGA -175
Gabriel Gonzaga, the hairiest man in the UFC. He has that luscious V of hair going from his chest pubs (pewbs) to his ball fro. I wonder if he uses conditioner on that rug? Oh, and don't forget that nasty back hair, ISH! I think back hair is nastier than chode hair. You know, chode, the spot between your balls and a-hole. Don't even try to tell me yours doesn't have hair on it. But then again hairy means manly, and Gonzaga is as manly as they come. I guarantee he shits with the door open.
Gabriel Gonzaga
QUINTON JACKSON -320 (better bet is Rampage inside 3rds -150)
SHANE CARWIN +145
GABRIEL GONZAGA -175
Gabriel Gonzaga, the hairiest man in the UFC. He has that luscious V of hair going from his chest pubs (pewbs) to his ball fro. I wonder if he uses conditioner on that rug? Oh, and don't forget that nasty back hair, ISH! I think back hair is nastier than chode hair. You know, chode, the spot between your balls and a-hole. Don't even try to tell me yours doesn't have hair on it. But then again hairy means manly, and Gonzaga is as manly as they come. I guarantee he shits with the door open.
Gabriel Gonzaga
Shane Carwin has a completely hairless body just like a newborn's ass. I can only assume he oils it as well. I wonder if he uses Gillette's Lady Venus to rid himself of that pesky body hair. Believe me, from experience I can atest that the conditioning strips on the Venus leave my balls feeling silky smooth.
SHANE CARWIN +145
MATT BROWN +120
PETE SELL -150
Matt Brown vs Pete Sell. This matchup... Wait a minute... Oh I'm sorry guys I must have skipped a few fights, this is obviously on the undercard. It's not? Are you ****ing kidding me? With economic hardship affecting everyone, the UFC wants me to spend my hard earned money to see this shit! My mortgage rate sucks, my house has lost a shit-ton of value, my employeer wants to implement pay cuts, and the UFC wants me to pay $44.95 for a card that has this fight televised. Blow me.
Graph showing my interest in this fight card during a down-trodden bleak economic outlook
SHANE CARWIN +145
MATT BROWN +120
PETE SELL -150
Matt Brown vs Pete Sell. This matchup... Wait a minute... Oh I'm sorry guys I must have skipped a few fights, this is obviously on the undercard. It's not? Are you ****ing kidding me? With economic hardship affecting everyone, the UFC wants me to spend my hard earned money to see this shit! My mortgage rate sucks, my house has lost a shit-ton of value, my employeer wants to implement pay cuts, and the UFC wants me to pay $44.95 for a card that has this fight televised. Blow me.
Graph showing my interest in this fight card during a down-trodden bleak economic outlook
What is the point of this fight? It's not like these two are climbing the ladder to a title shot. My guess is these two are fighting for a job. Haha, just like the rest of the country! The UFC is downsizing, the loser has to make like conjoined twins... and split.
MATT BROWN +120
MARK MUNOZ +145
MATT HAMILL -175
MATT BROWN +120
MARK MUNOZ +145
MATT HAMILL -175
I'm sorry. I know I'm a jackass. This is only for jokes. I'm a good person, I promise. I volunteer. This fight is a coin toss. Like a silent coin toss that you can't hear. Hamill has not improved from day one. Munoz has not fought anyone from day one.
MATT HAMILL -175
JIM MILLER +145
GRAY MAYNARD -175
MATT HAMILL -175
JIM MILLER +145
GRAY MAYNARD -175
Nothing beats drinking some brew and watching UFC... well maybe sex does. Well, no it doesn't. Nothing beats drinking some brew and watching UFC. Miller is a great beer... that is, if you are still doing keg stands and waking up in your dorm room next to girl pushing 240. My palate requires something with a little more class, something a little more dignified than the piss-water that is Miller Lite. Why don't you order the pay-per-view, ignore your wife's/girlfriend's/boyfriend's feeble attempts at humping and crack open one of my hometown favorites, a Summit Pale Ale.
GRAY MAYNARD -175
GRAY MAYNARD -175