Yeah Onner, you're head and shoulders above the rest of us. After 22 years on the planet, the only person who's ever shown any interest in touching your dinger is ME! Now whether you're horribly unattractive, have a repugnant personality, or are truly asexual, it still leaves you many rungs behind even the average poster on this site. We're all messed up, but you're the only one living in his parents' basement after college, making minimum wage, and playing Rock Band in his socks and boxer shorts.

Let's not forget that the Border Patrol still hasn't even gotten started on your background check. I collect Webkinz (see photo) and you haven't even eclipsed my achievements, young man. Next time come strong or don't come at all.