Open Letter To Johnny Football by Jimmy The Bag

SBR Staff

Saturday, August 12, 2017 3:01 PM UTC

Saturday, Aug. 12, 2017 3:01 PM UTC

Due to the controversy that spawned after Johnny's appearance on the IFBC 2017, Jimmy The Bag penned this open letter addressing the situation.

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I’m Sorry, Johnny Football  

By Jimmy The bag

I’m sorry, Johnny Football. I want to be clear though that I am not at all sorry for making hangover and hooker jokes right before you went on stage at the International Football Betting Conference in Costa Rica. I’m sorry that we live in a world anyone would give a fuck about that, or think that they can judge either of us for having harmless fun. I’m sorry we live in a world where Johnny Manziel saying “motherfucker” is a scandal and relevant to his value as a football player. What a mother-fuckin drag.

Let’s back up a bit. It was an honor and a privilege to host the inaugural IFBC in Costa Rica this past weekend. Let it be known now and forever that SBR knows how to throw a party for sports bettors. But let it also be known that this was a dead serious conference. As hard as we partied at night, come 10 am the next morning, everyone was in their seats, pen and paper in hand, ready to soak in all of the extremely valuable information and insight being presented on the IFBC stage. We partied hard and we learned even harder. Who would have it any other way? Who the fuck would think there’s something wrong with working hard and playing hard?

Well, it turns out a lot of people, and Skip Bayless is the perfect mouth piece for them. I now call him Skip Bagless. I wish I could take credit for coming up with that but the credit goes to autocorrect. No joke. Type “Skip Bayless” into a field with autocorrect. See? Autocorrect knows what time it is. Anyway Skip Bagless and others are now going after Johnny Manziel for attending the IFBC and for participating in an event during which a “pretty bad stand-up comic” made “rude” jokes about hangovers and hookers.

First of all, I am not a comedian. I am the greatest handicapper in the world. Not the winningest. But the greatest for sure. Just ask my mom. And it just so happens that I am also motherfuckin' funny. Second of all, and this is the most important point, something is only “rude” if the audience in the room thinks it was rude. And they didn’t. What I said was appropriate for the moment and for the room. 

It was day 2 of the conference. On day 1 SBR put on a lineup of presenters who impressed and captivated the audience of mostly sports handicappers. And I don’t mind telling you that I crushed it with the crowd in between speakers making funny comments appropriately edgy for the crowd. Following 7 hours of having our heads and notebooks filled with information that we crave like a wolf craves meat, SBR treated us to a 6-hour open bar and a free roll poker tournament with $5000 in cash prizes. All for motherfuckin' free! Then we continued on partying in Costa Rica and having a great time. 

I only partied that night until 10pm. Then I went to my room to study the baseball card for the next day. As well as hosting the event I was also appearing on the morning Odds Couple show with sports betting personality and legend Peter Loshak. I needed to study and prepare, so I did. Around midnight I stepped out of my room to get ice and forgot my hotel key. So I headed down to the front desk to get another key. When I stepped out of the elevator and into the lobby I ran right into a bunch of IFBC attendees who were returning from the Hotel Del Ray, a famous hooker pick-up spot. A bunch of the guys had brought back hookers to the hotel and were in the process of discovering that the Sheraton Casino and Hotel we were staying at would only let you take a hooker up to your room if you payed them an $85 cover charge. Some of the guys introduced their hookers to me like they were introducing their wives. The whole thing was hilarious to me. And I should probably mention that Johnny Manziel was nowhere to be seen. I’d bet my entire bankroll that he was involved in zero debauchery that night. He was probably in bed. 

The next morning I walked on stage to start the day at the IFBC. The room was full. Every attendee was there ready to work and learn. Some looked hung over, no surprise. So I opened with “Wow what a night. Who’s hung over?” That got a laugh from those who weren’t, and a moan from those who were. Then I asked, “Who’s getting a blood test as soon as they get home?” Most knew what I was referring to and laughed. I went on to tell my story about the scene that I had stumbled upon in the lobby the previous night. Then I said “some of you actually introduced your hookers to me like they were your wives.” The crowd laughed. They weren’t laughing at the hookers. They were laughing at the guys who got hookers because that’s who I was making fun of. I did a few more prepared lines and then introduced the brilliant author and sports writer, Clay Travis, who was to give a prepared talk, but he had also talked Johnny Manziel into coming up on stage for a quick interview. Manziel was a paid celebrity guest and had no obligation to do an interview with Travis but from all accounts, Johnny is a great guy and he agreed. They had a great interview, the crowd was thrilled and then Clay Travis gave a great talk focusing on the pending legalization of sports betting in the United States. It was exciting stuff. Neither I nor Johnny Manziel did or said anything wrong or harmful to anyone. 

But hold the phone. According to Skip Bagless and probably the NFL, and a whole lot of other uptight hypocrites assholes, Johnny did many things wrong starting with attending a football betting conference in the first place. Bull-fucking-shit! Let's make one thing crystal clear. There is not a single thing wrong or immoral about betting on sports. I would say it’s no different than trading stocks on Wall Street, but that would be an insult to sports betting because it is way more wholesome than that. Just like smoking pot is way less harmful to you and society than drinking alcohol. 

Smoking pot was never wrong or immoral. It was always the law against smoking pot that was wrong and immoral. Fortunately, that travesty is being corrected as we speak and if anyone paid attention to Clay Travis’ talk following his interview with Johnny Manziel, we are close to ending the travesty of sports betting prohibition as well. Sports betting never was wrong or immoral and it will be legalized just as marijuana is being legalized. 

Getting drunk is also legal, and so is swearing your motherfuckin' ass off! It’s time we end the area of religious moralists telling us what we are supposed to worship and care about in our football heroes. Johnny Manziel and other great athletes are heroes to me because they are fucking great at something I would love to be great at. I wish I could play football like Johnny Football. That’s why he is a hero to me. That’s why he is a hero to all real sports fans. Do not get confused by this mantra that athletic heroes also need to be moral heroes to the children of religious nut-jobs like Skip Bagless. 

The highlight reel of Johnny Manziel’s wrongdoings is almost entirely clips of him coming out of bars drunk. What the fuck is wrong with that? We celebrate movies like “The Hangover” but a gifted athlete like Johnny Manziel has to be a choir boy? 

I’m sorry, Johnny Football. I’m sorry we live in this world where real sports fans have to be robbed of watching you tear the gridiron a new asshole every Sunday because you like to get drunk, or because you dared to associated with sports bettors and then said the word "motherfucker." Who out there seriously needs the face of their football franchise to be a moral hero? And who out there actually thinks that getting drunk, doing recreational drugs, or attending sports betting conferences is immoral? Fuck you if you are one of those people. Drink Sperm. You're wrong! Your era is dying. And good riddance. 


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