The dog days of summer are upon us and the only glimmer of hope is that NFL training camps are cropping up across the country. Let’s take the earliest of looks as to where the teams will be in January and how it can help us in our NFL picks.
Why Speculate Now?
Why not? It’s what we like to do. Guys love to rank things whether it’s football teams, fast cars or beautiful women. Yes all you feminists out there, we like to rank women and no matter how hard you try, our Neanderthal mentality is hard-wired into our DNA. It’s exactly why 36-year-old hottie Erin Andrews is replacing the fully capable 53-year-old Pam Oliver. It’s also why we have ring girls replete with golden tresses and crystal blue eyes who boast an ample décolletage as opposed to a bespectacled Rhodes Scholar sauntering around the ring in smart but casual slacks boasting a pair of degrees from Columbia.
We’re men dammit, and if we want to apply power rankings based on nothing more than last season’s results, additions and subtractions in rosters, draft picks and coaching changes then by Jove we will exercise our God given right to do so. So here’s my ridiculously early take on where these teams will end up at the end of the regular season and I have even taken the liberty of putting their NFL odds in terms of team victories in parentheses courtesy of Bet365.com. If you’re inclined to bet NFL odds team totals, here’s your blueprint – for now.
- New England Patriots 11-5 (10 ½ O -150)
- Miami Dolphins 7-9 (7 ½ O -150)
- NY Jets 7-9 (6 ½ -200)
- Buffalo Bills 5-11 (6 ½ O-160)
- Pittsburgh Steelers 10-6 (8 ½ O -135)
- Cincinnati Bengals 9-7 (8 ½ O-165)
- Baltimore Ravens 7-9 (8 ½ O-140)
- Cleveland Browns 4-12 (6 ½ O-150)
- Indianapolis Colts 12-4 (9 ½ U -130)
- Houston Texans 8-8 (7 ½ O-160)
- Tennessee Titans 6-10 (7 ½ U-160)
- Jacksonville Jaguars 3-13 (4 ½ O-200)
- Denver Broncos 10-6 (11 ½ U-120)
- San Diego Chargers 9-7 (8 ½ U-165)
- Kansas City Chiefs 8-8 (8 ½ U-140)
- Oakland Raiders 3-13 (4 ½ O-155)
- Dallas Cowboys 10-6 (7 ½ O-135)
- NY Giants 8-8 (7 ½ O-160)
- Philadelphia Eagles 8-8 (8 ½ -170)
- Washington Redskins 6-10 (7 ½ U-135)
- Detroit Lions 11-5 (8 ½ U-120)
- Green Bay Packers 9-7 (10 ½ U-120)
- Chicago Bears 6-10 (8 ½ O-135)
- Minnesota Vikings 4-12 (6 ½ U-140)
- New Orleans Saints 11-5 (9 ½ O-165)
- Carolina Panthers 9-7 (8 ½ U-140)
- Atlanta Falcons 8-8 (8 ½ U-140)
- Tampa Bay Bucs 4-12 (6 ½ O-160)
- San Francisco 49’ers 14-2 (10 ½ O-135)
- Seattle Seahawks 12-4 (10 ½ O-165)
- St. Louis Rams 9-7 (7 ½ O-120)
- Arizona Cardinals 7-9 (7 ½ O-170)
I am certain that once everyone reads this there will be a collective epiphany where the dark clouds part and a bright white light of understanding and clarity envelop NFL fans everywhere. You now know exactly where your team will end the season so for those who believed that the Cleveland Browns would experience a renaissance this season, they can now shelve that optimism and reserve their Sundays for volunteer work at the local soup kitchen.
Conversely for the long suffering Lions fans, your Sundays will be filled with victories and a spot in the postseason. I am sorry to spoil this regular season for everyone but this is just the way it is and depending upon your allegiances, you are now either relieved or disappointed. But for those who want to cash in on your NFL picks, it’s the perfect blueprint to add to your bankroll this season.