Free Picks: Nobel Peace Prize Odds & Predictions

Swinging Johnson

Tuesday, October 8, 2013 8:18 PM GMT

Paddy Power is dealing odds on who will be the next Nobel Peace Prize winner among a field of laureates but how can we cash in on all this peace, love and Kumbaya? Here are our free picks for who will take home the title this year.

When will the winner be announced and am I nominated?

The winner will be announced this Friday and no, a thousand times no, you are not nominated. Gambling degenerates are not considered Nobel Peace Prize timber so unless you've donated all your sports betting "winnings" (stop laughing) to the Little Sisters of the Poor then you should grab another cold one, put your feet up and read about a few people who they believe are better than you - and me for that matter.

The Names You Know

This week in Oslo, a place you've probably never visited, an important guy who you don't know and whose name you cannot pronounce, will announce to the world who or what is the 2013 Nobel Peace Prize winner. Of the 21 choices that PaddyPower.com is dealing, only seven are recognizable to a warmongering, evildoer like myself. 

Bradley Manning at 16-1 is nominated as a flip of the bird to the good ol' US of A. This is the character who leaked classified military information to WikiLeaks and then declared after being found guilty of treason that he was now a she and was endeavoring to undergo gender reassignment surgery. If this pompous little drama queen gets this award then we should drop a big old bomb on Norway. That'll show them a thing or two about peace.

Bill Clinton at 20-1 is still spreading love wherever he goes and is personally responsible for keeping the dry-cleaning industry afloat. 

Julian Assange at 33-1 is the publisher of WikiLeaks which airs classified information and brands it as a country's dirty laundry. To the bleeding heart liberals he is a hero who exposes governmental overreach but what he actually does is compromise our nation's intelligence and those in the vanguard of our national security.

Facebook at 80-1 is actually nominated for this esteemed prize which means all the attention whores, drama instigators, braggers, complainers and complete tools on Facebook will now get a chance to revel in their success.

Edward Snowden also at betting odds of 80-1 is yet another big F-You to the United States as he is the latest in a string of traitors masquerading as patriots. He blew the lid off the NSA surveillance program that allegedly culls buzz words from emails and investigates in order to target terrorists or terrorist activity. Hey anyone that gives the USA a black eye deserves, at the very least, a gold statue.

Bono at 100-1 has to be a long shot because all he's done over the last twenty years is fly all over the planet advocating for AIDS victims in Africa and whose endless philanthropic endeavors have enlisted the help of business icons, government leaders, mainstream media and religious organizations from around the globe to raise hundreds of millions of dollars . He doesn't have a prayer.

Dennis Rodman/Paddy Power at 250-1 is the globetrotting basketball player who found a new friend in a loathsome little man who starves his own people in order to maintain control and power over an isolated country on the Korean Peninsula. Another serious contender.

The Chalk

Malala Yousafzi at 1-2 is the face of courage in a cowardly, backward society. If there's anyone who deserves international recognition and a metaphorical standing ovation than it is this 16-year-old girl from Pakistan who bravely stood up to the Taliban by blogging for the BBC for women's educational rights and appearing in a NY Times documentary. She was 11-years-old when a member of the Taliban shot her in the head for her "crimes". 

Denis Mukwege at 3-2 is a Congolese doctor who specializes in helping women who have been gang-raped by rebel forces. What a wonderful world.