A dwarf with a lisp goes into a stud farm.... 'I'd like to buy a horth' he says. What sort of horse?', said the owner. 'A female horth,' the owner shows him a mare. 'Nithe horth,' says the dwarf, 'can I thee her eyth?" The owner picks him up shows the eyes. 'Nith eyth', says the dwarf, 'can I thee her teeth?' The owner picks him up shows the teeth.
'Nith teeth,' he says 'now can I see her twot?' The owner picks him up and shoves his head deep inside the horses vagina, pulls him out. The dwarf shakes his head and says 'Perhaps I should weefwaze that... 'Can I see her wun awound?.
A elderly patient walks into a doctors office and the doctor says to him..."I have bad news and even worse news"...the old man says.."well, what's the bad news?"...the doctor says..."you have Alzheimer's"...the old patient replies..."well, what's worse than that?"...the doctor says.."you are dying of cancer"....the old man replies back..."Well look on the bright side Doc!..at least I don't have Alzheimer's!"