[Auto Donk]

so, my psycho vietnam vet neighbor to the east with active PTSD from 40+ years ago decides at 6:45 a.m. it would be a good time to mow his fukkin' lawn.... wakin' the wife on her day to sleep in.....

fortunately, my stepson and I spent $300 last night on fireworks, including the purchase of some "M-5000's", which are a small coke can sized m-80 on steroids.....

as he was mowing along the back wall of the DonkLand Compound, I lit one of these bastards and heaved it over the 10 f't wall about twenty feet behind where I could hear his mower.....



fukkin' thing went off and sounded like a goddam 1865 cannon.....

mower stops immediately, and dead silence ever since.....

I think the fukker is in full Nam flashback mode and trying to scale the f'n wall as I type this.....

waiting for the cops to show up, as well......

great start to the 4th, and at least my beautiful better half can now go back to sleep......

[5mike5]

[Auto Donk]

Harris County Precinct 4 Constables just left.....

told them "yah, I had the same problem yesterday, these "meddlin' kids" nowadays....."

"they sneak onto my property every damn 4th of July trying to get a glimpse of my pool party, that's why we held it last weekend."

"I heard that explosion and just figured it was Ol' Nam Boy's lawnmower backfiring.

"yeah, it did sound a little louder than a 3.5 hp engine backfiring, BUT IT WAS SO QUIET AND STILL THAT EARLY IN THE DAMN MORNING, I JUST FIGURED THE SOUND WAS OVER-AMPLIFIED!"

"I ll keep an eye out for those kids, and call you guys if I see anything suspicious"

"have a good Fourth!"

Adios

[Optional]

Happy 4th to you and the family Donk.

[Auto Donk]

Thanks, OPTI!

[rkelly110]

Wonder what kind of crater that thing left? Would've been great to get a video of that boy jumping 10 ft in the air.

[Auto Donk]

he started weed eating out in his front yard, so i drove out of the neighborhood to get a glimpse of him.... and dammit, i wish i'd had my f'n phone to take a picture of this fukhead....

he's got no shirt on (he's gotta be late sixties/early seventies) he's got bad military ink, saggy , and a camo bandana wrapped around his head and leered at me like he knew i tried to blow him up.....

no tellin' what the rest of the f'n day has in store.... i may run up to the liquor store now that it's 9 am, and try to snap a photo of this guy if he's out.... it'll really put what i'm dealing with in context, and make you laff your ass off......

[Auto Donk]

well, he was still trippin out in his front yard..... sweating so much he apparently had to change bandanas.....



the "blast" from earlier apparently had an impact on his Nam PTSD, as he's burrowing around out front, perhaps trying to dig a foxhole.....

[Auto Donk]

i hear him and his lady friend clanking some coffee cups, and hear em talkin' about it being peaceful out back......

f'n made my blood boil.....

sure it's quiet and peaceful now that you f'nished your f'n lawn work to everyone else's chagrin....


headed over to the pool house, hooked up the speakers, now full bore with this:





fuk it..... he doesn't know the party was last weekend.....

[Auto Donk]

up next is this serenity tune.....



i can hear him raising his voice.....

i think he's pissed and trying to tell me somehting like 'turd that hit down!!!"

hard to make out what the fuk he's yellin' about over the all the f'n noise that is white zombie......

[Auto Donk]

haha..... guess he figures if you can't beat em, join em, ..... in between my tracks changing, i could hear he's not blaring some creedence f'n clearwater revival......

i'll see your CCR, and raise you three can i get a fuk yous......




my speakers are bigger than his f'n boom box by far.....

BOUNCE, BITCH!!!!!!


EDIT; NOW i'm getting text messages from my own wife telling me 'turn that shit down!!!!"


I TEXTED BACK; 'WHAT YOU NI**AS DON'T KNOW, IT'S EASY TO PIMP A HO"

HER; 'YOURE INSANE'

[Auto Donk]

sounds like he's trying to make an Oliver Stone 60's themed movie over there.... peter paul and mary......


his woman might like this .... maybe..... i'm about to find out;

[Auto Donk]

now he's reverting to Nam tactics.... smoke is billowing over the wall into my back yard.....

apparently this prick lit up his smoker right next to the wall, so the wind would carry the shit into my backyard.....

hahaha.. i gotta get some fn video of this.....


edit; i think those kids are on their way back over here with more of those m-5000's......

[Auto Donk]

he hates black people; im sure he loves 'KEISHA, SHARONDA, ETC ETC." Blaring into his back yard.....

[Auto Donk]

[Auto Donk]

from the old bobby waves play list......

[Auto Donk]

Constables are back......

fortunately, my wife had shut 'fuk you' down right as they were pullin' up......

guess my fun is over til tonight............

[rkelly110]

Like State Farm.....you're a good neighbor........NOT!

[Auto Donk]

yah, after telling the constables i didn't think the noise was bothering him, since he was busy burning' down my f'n backyard like eddie f'n murphy's Uncle Gus, they kinda laffed it off but made it clear they don't wanna be back out here today.....

which pretty much means i'm fukked since i've still got $295 dollars worth of fireworks to light off this evening.....

and two teenage boys who are going to be up to only God know's what once the sun goes down.....

oh well.... things are relatively quiet now.... stereo pool side is mellow, can barely hear it inside, so we're good for now.....

and i'm playing mellower tunes.....



if little old ladies can smoke weed on a golf course to this tune, i'm sure my ptsd's late sixties neighbor can handle 'barely' hearing it.... especially given that his ears are probably still ringin' from that cannon blast this morning....

[Auto Donk]

my 27 yr old nephew just pulled up to have a few beers, and asked "what's up with your f'n neighbor, he looks crazier than ever today?" (and understand, the first time my nephew saw him doin' his lawn a few years back [shirtless, tatted up, etc.] he said "man that dude looks like a f'n psycho, i'm sure he's killed people") -- I told him of the morning's events, and now we can't quit laughing......

plus, my whole f'n backyard still smells like a week-old smoked f'n ham and hickory wood chips burning......

[Auto Donk]

with each passing song, i inch the volume a little louder.... Stone IPA'S flowing..... nephew's blunts a burnin' .... his babes just showed up...... music getting louder........

[PAULYPOKER]

LOL........ those jumbo m-5000's are basically a firecracker...
You could let those weak ass things go off in your hand
and basically feel a little pain with black soot markings on
your fingers.


you need to get the real shit, like the m80 m100 and m250..
The m250 is a quarter stick of dynamite...
The m80 will take your entire hand off at the wrist..
You can hear the m80 up to a mile away..






You'll never get these from a fireworks store..

[Auto Donk]

that silver one (jumbo 5000) is apparently a ten separate shot thing..... just watched the video.....

mine was a one blast thing, not multi.... it was red and supposedly packed 500 m g of powder and was just called m-5000, without the "jumbo" verbiage....

i know the old "real" m-80s have more powder than that -- at least I think they do -- but a normal firecracker supposedly has only 50mg of powder..... so it was like ten of em goin' off all at once....

nevertheless, it made a helluva damn nice noise this morning.....

[dlowilly]

Mowing the lawn at 6:45 wtf is wrong with people

[Auto Donk]

Mowing the lawn at 6:45 wtf is wrong with people

pretty sure he did it in an effort to "beat the heat," but my wife was not happy, and when she's not happy, no one in DonkLand is happy......

nevertheless, he's seemed to chill out and we have our little get together under control..... wife had to come out and show up my nephew's women..... always fun to watch her strut her stuff when other females she's not after come around and shed clothing......

but, the newphew and the babes hit the road, and now its just us and my stepson and his friend, and they're setting up the fireworks..... 3.5 hrs to go til we can make some noise.....

[dlowilly]

pretty sure he did it in an effort to "beat the heat,".

No doubt but it's rude, selfish, obnoxious, and in a lot of places illegal

[PAULYPOKER]

The big fed gov made all "quality" fireworks illegal.

Very hard to find the m80/100/250 these days.

The best way to obtain them is to make your own.

Everything you need is right here.... http://www.skylighter.com/

[reigle9]

mowing too early makes me lose my mind

9am should be the earliest

[KVB]

Donk had an eventful fourth from the get go.

[brooks85]

get your ATF type 54 permit and then you can buy real fireworks

[KVB]

Donk caught the neighbor sleeping in his yard and let him have it.