[DDGforLYFE]

Hello, new friends. I asked this question on my good buddy LT Profits' weekly CFB thread, but I wanted to get some insight from the community as a whole. JJ Gold Lakerboy, Seaweed, ANYONE who has had some measure of success with the ladies. I'm in need of serious help and have nowhere else to turn. Essentially, my situation is this: I'm incredibly lonely, and it's taking a toll on my life in the worst possible way; if it wasn't for gambling and whores, I don't know that I'd still be alive, if you get what I'm saying. (And if you don't, I'm talking about ending it, once and for all. Retreating to the world of eternal slumber. It's something I still think about from time to time, but I'm doing everything in my power to stay resolute in this black hole we call "life".)

It's hard to meet a good woman these days. A co-worker recommended online dating, so I gave that a whirl a couple of different times when feeling especially desperate...let's just say that my results were less than spectacular. Granted, I'm not the best looking guy in the world, nor am I the most interesting, but I'm not hideous by any means whatsoever and I do alright financially. The way I was treated on these sites, you would have guessed I was John Merrick, "The Elephant Man"!

One quote still sticks with me. I sent a woman a friendly message, and her response was this: "I wouldn't touch you with a 10-foot pole. LEAVE ME ALONE." Perhaps I've artificially inflated my attractiveness/life prospects as a self-defense mechanism? I've struck out so many times that I start to get sick when I think think about it. Literally sick to my stomach.

If anyone has any dating tips for me, I'd love to hear them. I know this probably isn't the best place to be seeking such advice, but I don't trust therapists who just try to pump me full of medication, I don't really have any of my friends, and most of my family is dead, except for my aunt...but trust me when I say that you do NOT want to heed her advice...Listening to Aunt Rhonda is like playing with fire, and you can't possibly imagine how many times I've been burned.

Thanks a bunch, everyone. I'm eagerly anticipating your responses.

And, most importantly, BOL to everyone in CFB, NHL, and MLB playoffs today.

[johnny8eyes]

A penis and money is a good start for success

[BigDofBA]

This is how you get a good woman.

1. Have Money
2. Be really really good looking
3. Be Funny
4. Be Smart
5. Be able to dance...(if you're in your 20s)

The more of these traits you have, the hotter the woman. Unless of course you have a shit ton of money, then nothing else matters.

One more thing, woman are weird creatures. Confidence is a big part of it. Don't be a pussy or pushover. Woman don't like it if you seem desperate....If anything it pushes them away...unless of course, you have money.

A lot of guys fails because they don'y have the balls to even try.

[spro23]

DONT marry an American girl. Asian or eastern European is the way to go. American girls have been raised with an undercurrent of disrespect and 'I DONT NEED NO MAN!' girl power bullshit. the family court system in America is completely tilted against men. you are fighting a losing battle, if you want to get married, marry a foreign girl with traditional values.

[DDGforLYFE]

A penis and money is a good start for success

I have both of those! My dick is a decent size, too! At least that's what the whores say...but I think they might be paid to say that? What's the average size for a male schlong?

[DDGforLYFE]

This is how you get a good woman.

1. Have Money
2. Be really really good looking
3. Be Funny
4. Be Smart
5. Be able to dance...(if you're in your 20s)

The more of these traits you have, the hotter the woman. Unless of course you have a shit ton of money, then nothing else matters.

One more thing, woman are weird creatures. Confidence is a big part of it. Don't be a pussy or pushover. Woman don't like it if you seem desperate....If anything it pushes them away...unless of course, you have money.

A lot of guys fails because they don'y have the balls to even try.

Thanks for this advice. A lot of it struck a chord in a major way. I have money, I don't know about my looks but I'm not sure that they're a problem. I don't think I'm super smart or super funny, but I'm good for a clever double entendre or an insightful comment every now and again. I've been told I have an "old soul", whatever that means. Biggest issue, most likely, is that I'm a terrible dancer (and I'm in my 20s, so this is relevant). Maybe I should take classes?

What really struck me about your words was the part about confidence and desperation; the former, I lack, and the latter, I have in spades. HOW can I possibly change this? It seems inherent to my personality; a fundamental characteristic of my being. I clam up in any social situation, my palms sweat, etc. BUT I do have money, so it seems like none of this should matter. Weird. I guess I don't have a choice but to keep chipping away, try to make incremental changes that will hopefully coalesce into something larger and more meaningful. I'm just starting to lose faith that this will actually happen. Life has been cruel to me, but I know it's mostly my fault - that's the hardest part.

[DDGforLYFE]

DONT marry an American girl. Asian or eastern European is the way to go. American girls have been raised with an undercurrent of disrespect and 'I DONT NEED NO MAN!' girl power bullshit. the family court system in America is completely tilted against men. you are fighting a losing battle, if you want to get married, marry a foreign girl with traditional values.

I LOVE this idea. Whatever gets me to my final destination the quickest. I knew a Chinese girl in college...totally had the hots for her. I think I may have scared her away though, LOL.

Do you have any specific ethnicities to recommend?

[rkelly110]

Women need to get to know you. Unless you have a lot of charisma and confidence you can get laid daily, but
judging by your posts, you don't have those attributes.

Do you work with women? Are any flirtatious toward you?

Do you like to drink? You can hang out at the bar to gain friends and women. Join a club where the same people go.
It might take a few months, but once you are known and approachable, you will gain friends and meet women.

If your avatar is you, you aren't bad looking, you just need confidence in yourself to portray to others.

Like a football coach, he get's his ass beat one week, learns from it, makes adjustments and comes out next
week kicking ass. You must learn from your mistakes, that's why you are here, to learn. Your time will come
for a woman, be patient and don't try so hard.

[POOLSIDE]

This is some high brow trolling here

[GoBlue77]

DONT marry an American girl. Asian or eastern European is the way to go. American girls have been raised with an undercurrent of disrespect and 'I DONT NEED NO MAN!' girl power bullshit. the family court system in America is completely tilted against men. you are fighting a losing battle, if you want to get married, marry a foreign girl with traditional values.

smartest comment in here

[goduke]

dont let rejection bother you, just move on to another one. You only need to find one. If you are willing to sacrifice a little a girl with a little baggage(a kid, recently divorced, daddy issues, slightly overweight, or all of her friends are hotter then her) are easy to get and dont take much effort.

[rpesi9955]

Don't do it.

[Antibet]

Seaweed, if you are missing Angelito that much, why don't you just let him come back to Canada instead of starting weird suicidal threads under new username.

[Swinging Johnson]

Enroll in a martial arts school. After that, little by little, everything else will take care of itself.

[Booya711]

Seaweed is back

[rpesi9955]

Better hair cut.

[sshz]

I think there must be something else going on here.......

1. Do you shower daily?

2. Do you make your dates pay for their meals?

3. Do you live at home?

4. Do you own a car before 1990?

5. Do you work? Have a "good" job?

6. Do you polish your shoes or only wear sneakers?

7. Are you gay?

[VeggieDog]

Don't EVER get married and for fukk's sake, don't EVER have kids.

[Swinging Johnson]

Don't EVER get married and for fukk's sake, don't EVER have kids.

Do you have kids of your own?

[u21c3f6]

I don't know if you are being serious but if you are, you need to work on yourself first before you can have a decent chance at having a relationship. It seems that you have relationship destroying baggage you need to get rid of first.

Joe.

[Auto Donk]

many good tips above,

not sure if anyone hit this, but stay the fuk outta strip clubs........ you can fuk strippers all day long, just never, ever get in a relationship with one.

also, dick is important; despite what anyone says, the bigger the better from ALL womens' standpoints.... if you're not packing, at least know how to hammer away with what you've got

and work the clitoris over from every conceivable angle and with every single technique you can read up on...... eg, suck it hard, suck it soft, tap it with your tongue, softly, while applying suction all around it, with your lips sealed tight around it; swirl your tongue round and round until she comes...... quick hint, most chicks get off on the consistency, or pattern of cunnilingus, so don't switch gears (techniques) every 30 secs or so, as she'll never get the orgasmic rythum going....... Lastly, don't be afraid to look up at her when your face is inches away from her pussy, and ask, "do you have a preference on how you want me to get you off orally? any thing u crave?

most women, candidly, just want your face in it more..... but a few will give you the "go to" move..... be careful, however, as some women get off on the guy taking charge and not requiring direction........ but that's women.....

good luck...

[packerd_00]

Listen to Donk he wont steer you wrong.

[pronk]

I LOVE this idea. Whatever gets me to my final destination the quickest. I knew a Chinese girl in college...totally had the hots for her. I think I may have scared her away though, LOL.

Do you have any specific ethnicities to recommend?

Seaboy, how's the weather in bombay?

[DDGforLYFE]

Women need to get to know you. Unless you have a lot of charisma and confidence you can get laid daily, but
judging by your posts, you don't have those attributes.

Do you work with women? Are any flirtatious toward you?

Do you like to drink? You can hang out at the bar to gain friends and women. Join a club where the same people go.
It might take a few months, but once you are known and approachable, you will gain friends and meet women.

If your avatar is you, you aren't bad looking, you just need confidence in yourself to portray to others.

Like a football coach, he get's his ass beat one week, learns from it, makes adjustments and comes out next
week kicking ass. You must learn from your mistakes, that's why you are here, to learn. Your time will come
for a woman, be patient and don't try so hard.

I'm self-employed, so I sadly don't have much access to workplace babes. I barely even leave my apartment during the week. On weekends, I'll try calling a few of my friends to troll the bar/club scene, but usually they don't get back to me. Once, they lied to me about plans and I caught them in the lie, and they didn't even bother to deny it. Talk about soul-crushing...

No, I don't think I've ever been flirted with. Maybe it happened a couple times in college, but I was too oblivious to notice. Most times, I just start sweating profusely when I get too close to a girl I think is cute, LOL. I try to do some flirting, but it doesn't go well. There's this clerk at the my favorite liquor store (this store has the BEST beer) and I try to make moves on her, but she is unresponsive. I might give up, or find a different liquor store (but that beer selection, OMG).

As should be obvious from my last paragraph, I love to drink...some would consider me an alcoholic. I don't think I'm an alcoholic, though. I just need something to numb the pain, and alcohol is cheap and readily accessible whenever I can't handle the darkness. I've started getting into the harder shit recently (coke, etc.) but I hide it well. Nobody would guess that I'm dying inside, I don't think.

Yeah, the Avatar pic is me. Thanks for saying I'm not bad looking; honestly, that made my day. And thanks for the kind advice - I promise to take every single piece to heart. You seem like a genuinely good person, and I appreciate that you were willing to take some time out of your day to help out some limp-dick degenerate like me. Cheers to you, buddy!

[DDGforLYFE]

This is some high brow trolling here

What do you mean, Poolside? I can't seek advice from people with similar interests? How am I "trolling"? I'm just desperate for love, sex, and companionship, and willing to do anything to get it.

[DDGforLYFE]

smartest comment in here

Do YOU have any specific ethnicities to recommend? Sorry if this is coming off as pathetic, but I'm hungry for info and you guys are giving me straight GOLD. Very stoked on this thread.

[DDGforLYFE]

dont let rejection bother you, just move on to another one. You only need to find one. If you are willing to sacrifice a little a girl with a little baggage(a kid, recently divorced, daddy issues, slightly overweight, or all of her friends are hotter then her) are easy to get and dont take much effort.

Yeah, that's a decent point. I'm not sure of my willingness to raise another man's child, but if that's what it takes, I can manage. I think I'd be a good dad! Maybe not though, given that I can barely take care of myself...but I think a kid would make a big difference in my life. And if it lands me a good woman, then penetrate yeah...I'll raise the the kids of 10 deadbeat dads, no question!

Ah, this is getting me excited!

[DDGforLYFE]

Seaweed, if you are missing Angelito that much, why don't you just let him come back to Canada instead of starting weird suicidal threads under new username.

I have literally no idea what this means. Why does everyone think I'm Seaweed? What can I do to prove to you that I'm my own man, with my own issues? I want people to start taking me seriously!

I think it's fascinating that there's only room for one borderline suicidal loner looking for love on SBR. I'm guessing that's why people keep drawing this parallel between me and Seaweed. I'm NOT Seaweed. I will do anything it takes to prove it.

[DDGforLYFE]

Enroll in a martial arts school. After that, little by little, everything else will take care of itself.

I'm afraid I don't understand. Would you mind elaborating? Martial arts is cool, though. I agree with you there. I couldn't get enough of Jackie Chan movies as a kid. That guy kicks ass! Who Am I, Shanghai Knights, Rush Hour 3, the list goes on and on. What a legend.

Do women like this sort of thing? Please let me know! I found a few classes in my area and can sign up ASAP if you think it'll help.

[DDGforLYFE]

Seaweed is back

UGH, stop it with this! I am NOT SEAWEED, GOD DAMNIT!

[DDGforLYFE]

Better hair cut.

Can you send pics of styles you think could help me be more attractive?

[DDGforLYFE]

I think there must be something else going on here.......

1. Do you shower daily?

2. Do you make your dates pay for their meals?

3. Do you live at home?

4. Do you own a car before 1990?

5. Do you work? Have a "good" job?

6. Do you polish your shoes or only wear sneakers?

7. Are you gay?

1. Yes
2. I haven't had a date in 3 years, but last time I had one, I paid for everything. Then I leaned in for a goodnight kiss, and was denied. Never saw that penetrating bitch again. I showered her with compliments, opened the car door for her, bought her an expensive meal, etc. I was the ultimate gentleman, and that's how you treat me? Good riddance, you dumb whore.
3. Yes, I live in my own home. I think you mean "Do you live at your parents' house?" NOOOOO. Of course not. My parents are dead!
4. No, I drive a 2013 model.
5. I do work, yes. My job is good, by any measure. Freedom, money, prestige, I got it all, baby!
6. Mostly sneakers when I'm just wandering around, looking for human connection. But I have nicer shoes to wear when the occasion strikes. I don't own any polish, though...
7. Nope! My friend is gay, though. I don't judge the gays at all. It's not a choice, it's not a disease! It's just the Way You Are.

[DDGforLYFE]

Don't EVER get married and for fukk's sake, don't EVER have kids.

Why not? This is literally the only thing that has a chance to give my life meaning, and you don't want me to seek it out? I'm confounded. Please expand on your advice, or I simply can't follow it.

[Buffalo Nickle]

First, you are desperate and women don't like desperate guys and they've got radar for that kind of thing. You've got major social anxiety issues which is not uncommon. This is the wrong place to be looking for advice though.

You have to put yourself out there which is not easy if you work at home and aren't much of a social person.

Not everyone is meant to be with someone. Get comfortable with being alone and accept that it might be your fate and just let it happen if it does. Otherwise, find things to do that interests you and maybe it might lead to something. But stop making yourself miserable. There are lots and lots of people like you out there both male and female.

You've got to just let things happen. Women like guys that are spontaneous and outgoing and confident. That's why they all like the same guys. You've got to be able to make that happen with someone even if by accident.

Maybe this day and age is not yours. Just make the best of it. Plenty of miserable married people out there.

Women like cars and shoes. Invest in both of those heavily. And ask them for advice instead of people here, they love that kind of thing.

[DDGforLYFE]

I don't know if you are being serious but if you are, you need to work on yourself first before you can have a decent chance at having a relationship. It seems that you have relationship destroying baggage you need to get rid of first.

Joe.

Thank you Joe, I appreciate your candor and the sentiment of your message.

How would you recommend I get rid of this baggage, though? It's so deep, so all-consuming...I have become the baggage, you could say. There is no difference between my true self and the pain that I carry. I know that sounds severe, but it's the reality I live.