[Seaweed]

I'll post first.

[Kermit]

I stuck my dick in a fruit once. It wasn't as cool as we thought that it would be.

[Dutch]

Not married but might as well be, been stringing the bitch along for 8 yrs.

[BennyBigNuts]

Weeder, what are you cokhunting?

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

I stuck my dick in a fruit once. It wasn't as cool as we thought that it would be.

You musta been doing it wrong... cuz it's actually pretty cool.

I'm assuming you didn't use the red magic marker to draw the alluring picture first?

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

OR Kermit...

If you're not much of an artist and can't really draw, there ARE options out there:

[Kermit]

^ That ain't the kind of "Fruit" that I am talking about.

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

^ That ain't the kind of "Fruit" that I am talking about.

Holy Mother of God!
I'm talkin normal stuff and you're... ah, well... you're on your own here pal!

[GUMMO77]

I stuck my dick in a fruit once. It wasn't as cool as we thought that it would be.

Watermelons aren't all that bad in a pinch.

[ArchieBunker]

Seaweed is granny single

[Kermit]

Holy Mother of God!
I'm talkin normal stuff and you're... ah, well... you're on your own here pal!

Yeah, I'm a little out there...

This guy can vouch for it.

[The Samurai]

So I'm on my lunch break in front of Jack in the box eating a combo meal. Listening to fix sports radio. Mid 30s Mexican lady walks up and offers to sell me a blow job. I say "get in the car". I drive around the corner making small talk and finishing my burger. We pull behind a closed down Ace hardware store. She gos right to work. I'm nervous so it takes me a minute to get into it. Then I grab the fry carton and finish em off. Shes blowing pretty good. Homeless guy rides by on a bike, pulling a trailer full of scrap.He nods at me and I put a fist in the air in solidarity. I'm getting ready to bust and she says "don't cumm in my!" I say "Where?" She pulls out a napkin with ketchup on it from my jack in the box. I say "no!" She takes the top off my soft drink and says "when you're ready I'll jack you off into this. I say "ok." When I'm ready she grabs the cup and positions it under my cawk. When she starts to stroke, she bumps the cup and pores the last little bit of icy water all over my balls. I'm like "great." So she continues to stroke and just when I'm there, she inexplicably moves the cup and tosses me off all over my slacks, steering wheel, and floor board. I demand she let me use her shirt to wipe up. She refuses. I zip up. Go to my trunk n get an old T-shirt and wipe up. she follows me to the back closing the door behind her. I put the shirt back in the trunk and reach for my wallet to pay. Before she could react, I shoved her to the floor and dove into my Prius and chirped the tires. I picked up her purse off the floorboard, and rifled through it. She only had like 30 bucks so I circles back around and threw it out the window at her. She picked up an old piece of a shopping Cart and threw it at the Toyota. Dinged the quarter panel. True story.

[ticklz]

checking in

[sbrhedge]

yoop

[The Samurai]

So I'm boning this skank on my buddies couch. He's knocked out in his room. We'd all been getting hammered at the bar at the farmers market over at the grove on Fairfax. I'm pumping and pumping and she's loose and wet so I can't get enough friction to get a nut. I ask her if I can pump her in the ass and she says "hell no!" So I Pull my prick out and get an attitude and start flicking the TV remote. After a couple minutes, she agreed to give me her anal virginity. I get a bottle of extra virgin olive oil outta my buddies cabinet. I'm limp so I make her blow me to get me going again. I'm an avg 6 inch white guy, so it takes like 4 stabs and finally in her corn hole. Its feelin great and everything is going swell. She's wimpering a little, acting like my little prick is killing her. Boosting my ego and so forth. Out of nowhere, my buddy comes stumbling into the room. Of course, she's embarrassed and pulls her ass off of me. Well, when she does, I look down and she's shot a 3 inch turd onto my buddies couch. I don't know how to handle it and I say "what's crakin?" To my buddy. He says " nothing just thirsty" as he walks by. She gos to get up and mashes the turd with her knee, all over the fuggin couch. Great!! As she gets up to run for the john, she's dropping turd shards all over my buddies high dollar rug. Thank God he doesn't notice. She comes back from the John acting like its my issue to clean up her shit. I led her to my buddies laundry room and got her some cleaning products. So here I am, laying on my buddies couch, with a filthy prick, watching this skank scrub her shit off my buddies rug. I'm sipping a sierra Nevada, watching sports center, pointing out the chunks of poop she's missed. When she's done, she's sitting to my right and I mention " damn, That was good baby, wish I would have came." She grabs a makeup wipe outta her purse, cleans my prick off, and finishes the job. She swallowed like a champ, I didn't see a drop of it and when I put my shorts back on, I was bone dry. I called a cab and when she was leaving, I actually txted her my real #. She was a trooper and I hoped she would phone but she never did.

[Sarunas]

So I'm boning this skank on my buddies couch. He's knocked out in his room. We'd all been getting hammered at the bar at the farmers market over at the grove on Fairfax. I'm pumping and pumping and she's loose and wet so I can't get enough friction to get a nut. I ask her if I can pump her in the ass and she says "hell no!" So I Pull my prick out and get an attitude and start flicking the TV remote. After a couple minutes, she agreed to give me her anal virginity. I get a bottle of extra virgin olive oil outta my buddies cabinet. I'm limp so I make her blow me to get me going again. I'm an avg 6 inch white guy, so it takes like 4 stabs and finally in her corn hole. Its feelin great and everything is going swell. She's wimpering a little, acting my little prick is killing her. Boosting my ego and so forth. Out of nowhere, my buddy come stumbling into the room. Of course, she's embarrassed and pulls her ass off of me. Well, when she does, I look down and she's shot a 3 inch turd onto my buddies couch. I don't know how to handle it and I say "what's crakin?" To my buddy. He says " nothing just thirsty" as he walks by. She gos to get up and mashes the turd with her knee, all over the fuggin couch. Great!! As she gets up to run for the john, she's dropping turd shards all over my buddies high dollar rug. Thank God he doesn't notice. She comes back from the John acting like its my issue to clean up her shit. I led her to my buddies laundry room and got her some cleaning products. So here I am, laying on my buddies couch, with a filthy prick, watching this skank scrub her shit off my buddies rug. I'm sipping a sierra Nevada, watching sports center, pointing out the chunks of poop she's missed. When she's done, she's sitting to my right and I mention " damn, That was good baby, wish I would have came." She grabs a makeup wipe outta her purse, cleans my prick off, and finishes the job. She swallowed like a champ, I didn't see a drop of it and when I put my shorts back on, I was bone dry. I called a cab and when she was leaving, I actually txted her my real #. She was a trooper and I hoped she would phone but she never did.

[Jayvegas420]

I know what's going on here & I don't care how many points weeder has (or offers), I'm not taking his Granma out to a club on Chruch St. this Saturday!

[BiTeMe UsAdOj]

So I'm boning this skank on my buddies couch. He's knocked out in his room. We'd all been getting hammered at the bar at the farmers market over at the grove on Fairfax. I'm pumping and pumping and she's loose and wet so I can't get enough friction to get a nut. I ask her if I can pump her in the ass and she says "hell no!" So I Pull my prick out and get an attitude and start flicking the TV remote. After a couple minutes, she agreed to give me her anal virginity. I get a bottle of extra virgin olive oil outta my buddies cabinet. I'm limp so I make her blow me to get me going again. I'm an avg 6 inch white guy, so it takes like 4 stabs and finally in her corn hole. Its feelin great and everything is going swell. She's wimpering a little, acting like my little prick is killing her. Boosting my ego and so forth. Out of nowhere, my buddy comes stumbling into the room. Of course, she's embarrassed and pulls her ass off of me. Well, when she does, I look down and she's shot a 3 inch turd onto my buddies couch. I don't know how to handle it and I say "what's crakin?" To my buddy. He says " nothing just thirsty" as he walks by. She gos to get up and mashes the turd with her knee, all over the fuggin couch. Great!! As she gets up to run for the john, she's dropping turd shards all over my buddies high dollar rug. Thank God he doesn't notice. She comes back from the John acting like its my issue to clean up her shit. I led her to my buddies laundry room and got her some cleaning products. So here I am, laying on my buddies couch, with a filthy prick, watching this skank scrub her shit off my buddies rug. I'm sipping a sierra Nevada, watching sports center, pointing out the chunks of poop she's missed. When she's done, she's sitting to my right and I mention " damn, That was good baby, wish I would have came." She grabs a makeup wipe outta her purse, cleans my prick off, and finishes the job. She swallowed like a champ, I didn't see a drop of it and when I put my shorts back on, I was bone dry. I called a cab and when she was leaving, I actually txted her my real #. She was a trooper and I hoped she would phone but she never did.

Ya just know this guy had a regular writing gig for Penthouse Forum.