Originally Posted by
StateChamp
I spent time in a mental institution
have to come clean on that. not feeling well right now. nobody im talking too can seem to understand that im not well. i dont think i have the skills to make it in the world, ill try but i see a life of institutionalization. i cant make good choices, sometimes i cant make any choices at all i let them make themselves. i drink a lot to numb the pain, of course this only makes things worse. im probably an alcoholic but i can not drink its not that hard. best thing i can do is what law enforcement says. if i can stay on the up and up with those guys then i can probably eek out a life in some sort of care. of course i could get a job ect ect and feel much better but im pretty messed up and nothing is worse than knowing ppl look down on you and want you to die. i have few friends and actually none within 500 miles since i moved. so im alone with my dog......to make matters worse if my mother died i believe my father would give me the boot and my family would turn their back on me because we are white trash and very selfish and stupid..........
things could turn around for me if i would cease drinking beer and got a job and a better outlook but im in a real rut and im scared. i just drank 4 bud ices and typically id be loving it right now but im in such a funk that it has almost no effect. ive won a great deal of money the past 3 days and im still depressed. i guess my point is that i cant oppose the system i need the system and if i cant make it on my own i wont blame the system. fact is if millions of ppl were like me it would be chaos.
so im not going to sit here and be depressed that im a loser ill just try to get better. and anyone who thought i was a cool guy you thought wrong im a mess and you wouldnt want to be me
but i would have won that state championship if i didnt fail out senior year